Spotlight on...My Mom!

So, I want to keep this blog interesting. Even if I am the only one who reads it. I don't want to just talk about what I did today, although, that is part of blogging/keeping journal. I want to talk about things that make me happy, sad, angry. Things I love, things that make me laugh, things and people that are important to me. I want to put little snippets of my life on these virtual pages so that when placed together, you see me :) On Wednesdays I do the day book entry. I actually look forward to that! I wake up on Wednesday mornings and think, "Yay! I get to do my entry today!" haha! Well, On Friday's I am going to try and spotlight one person from my life that means a lot. So Far, and yes, I know they may or may not have been on a Friday, I have talked spotlighted Bee, as well as My BFF Rose....but now that this is going to be an official weekly entry, I am going to start with....*drum roll please....* My Mom!! :)




Well, what can one put into words to truly express how the feel about their mom? My mom is wonderful. She is me and I am her, in varring degrees of course. My mom and I didn't have the typical "I hate you" period in our relationship. Sure, there were plenty of times she pissed me off and vice versa, but I have always respected my mom for who she is.

My mom did not have a picture perfect childhood. My Grandma had a total of 7 kids. Most of the time, she was a single mom. They all lived in a one bedroom single trailer in Grand Rapids, MI. Grandma worked in a grocery store for a tyrant of a man and his wife. They were mean to her. They Bullied her. They Pushed her around and my grandma didn't know any better. She worked from sun up to sun down for little to no money. Most of the time my mom or one of her older brothers was in charge.

At 9 years old, my mom was responsible for cooking all the meals, doing all the laundry, and keeping the house clean. Sometimes, grandma would disappear for days, only to come home with a new husband that would beat her or my mom and her brothers and sisters. My mom knew her biological father and loved him very much. When Grandma left him, my mom wanted to go live with him. He was a pretty well off chef and had a nice loving home, but he had Epilepsy, and back then, that was considered a "mental disease" and he was not allowed to have custody of children.

My mom was used, abused both mentally, physically, and sexually. She was in an out of foster homes, relatives homes, and finally had had enough at 14. She left home and didn't look back. She took on live-in babysitter and house cleaning jobs until she was old enough to go to Job Corps. At 16, my mom joined Job Corps and got her formal education. She was transferred to Ohio for their Histology program and that is where she eventually met my dad.

My dad was dating her room ate and after a year, she decided she rather liked someone else. My father and my mom's room mate had a date for the evening when she called to cancel and basically break up with him. He asked if she still didn't just want to hang out because since he was in the Army, and had to apply for time off of base and had already been alocated the time, he didn't want to waste it. My mom, as a joke, offered to go in her place and the other two both really liked the idea. My mom and dad have been together ever since.

My mom has shown me the importance of faith in yourself, of not stopping until you are happy and never settle for anything less the what you want. She has proven to me, that even when she was 14, had no job, no education, and no one to take care of her, she still had the abilty to work and never took public assistance. One of her favorite sayings is "I will scrub toilets with my bare hands all day long before I sit on my ass and take money from those who work. There are always toilets to scrub..." She has shown me, even in the absense of knowning it herself, how a mother loves a child perfectly.

Even as horrible as her childhood may have been, she managed to reconcile with her mom and they had a great relationship before Grandma passed. My mom is one of the few people who have broken the chain of abuse. She credits the Lord God for that. I would have to agree with her. With Him, all things are possible...

My mom is many things. She is my friend, my comforter, my council, and my mom. She knows all and is one of the few people I will go to for advice. She is a chef and I can't find one person that can cook better than her. My mom is larger than life, and yet sometimes, she seems so frail to me that I find myself needing and wanting to protect her.

She has never turned me away when I needed anything and I can only hope that someday I can be as good of a mom as she has been to me. I love you mommy!

A picture is worth a thousand words

So, I love pictures! I always have! Ever since I was young, I have loved looking at pictures, taking them, and having them hung up around me. I guess that comes from the fact that my mom and dad never had "Family Photos" of us done or hanging around the house. In fact, I can only really remember two family photos done and those were like a thousand years ago. Don't get me wrong, my mom and dad took lots of Polaroids of my sister, my brother, and me...but they were put in an album under the hutch or loose in a box. Now, before you start an angry email or letter to my mom, it's not because she didn't care, it's because she is not very artsy fartsy creative. Nor did her mom have any of that stuff up either when she was growing up.














Nowadays, if you were to visit my parents house, they have one small wall with all of us kids's senior pictures up. I think those are also the most current pictures she has of us kids. Ha! My mom just doesn't know how to buy the frames, pick which pictures should go in what frames, and then where and how to hang them on the wall. I'm not mad at her :)












In my apartment, I have tons of pictures up on my wall. Some in frames, some in frames on my end tables, some just taped to my closet door. At my desk at work, I have tons of pictures up as well. In fact, I have become somewhat of a landmark around there. "Ok, so. Go down that hallway until you see the desk with, like, a thousand pictures. You need the office right in front of that cubicle!" Not only do I like pictures of people, but I like scenery pictures too. This blog entry is all about pictures I took that I love! I hope you enjoy!

A day at the park

Bee's football practice is every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. For the time being, they are practicing at a "local" (I say that in quotations because it's 45 min from us...) park. The kids always ask if they can go play on the playground. Bee would let them run off, I am sure, under the sometimes watchful eye of "C", his 9 year old daughter. I know he trusts her, and 98% of the time, she is totally trustworthy as a babysitter. She is quite mature for her age. However, she is still a kid, and no matter how good or not good of a neighborhood (this one is suspect at best. I know the people in the white Escalade were selling drugs...) I don't feel comfortable to let two, well four because we had another player's kids with us, roam around free in a crowded area, without being supervised.



So, while he was playing with the big boys, I was watching the wee ones. I am surprised I made it through the evening without ending up in jail. For one, I feel that most of these parents are just plain inept. Now, it could be that most of them were around 18. However, I have seen this in older parents too. There are about 80 kids trying to play on this one jungle gym. Yes, it was a big one, but that's still a lot of children. Also, they are running around, outside, in shorts and tshirts because it's 80, and they are all wound up. There is pushing. Shoving. Line Cutting. And general mayhem. They are kids after all. But as I looked around at the few parents that WERE there, they were talking on their cell phones, hitting on guys that were there, chatting with the other parents, and generally just not paying attention.




When I take kids to the park, I have a few general rules. One: ALWAYS stay where you can see me. If you can't see me, chances are, I can't see you. If you want to go to another area of the park, come get me. We will go together. Two: Ladders are for climbing, Slides are for bottoms. We do not climb up the slide. Three: Speaking of the Slide, we only go feet first, and only when no other child is in the way. I watched poor little man sit at the top of the slide for ten minutes waiting for the kids to get off of the slide. A handful were sitting on the bottom. Two or three kept walking up the slide, and then would slide down it. Their mothers are watching, and not saying a word. Finally, I yelled over there for them to move so he could go down. After a few stares, they finally did.



"C" was off playing football in the field. I swear, give that girl a football and kids flock to her. Next thing you know, she has a pick-up game going and is off drawing plays in the dirt. That kid is going to go pro someday...that's if she doesn't discover some bad news boy she loves and gives up on all her dreams...But I think Bee would kill her if she did...




Later, little man wanted to go swing on the swings with me. Two little girls, perhaps around 3 or 4 walked over, by themselves, and asked if I could help them swing in the baby swings. I hoisted them in and proceeded to push them. I pushed those little girls, who were having a BLAST by the way, for over an hour. An HOUR. Not once did anyone come looking for them (the baby swings were hidden behind the big equipment. You can't see them from the benches). Not once did anyone call out their names. Not once did they say "Oh look! There's my mommy!". Not once did anyone say anything about a white girl pushing two little black girls in the swing...meanwhile, "C" and Little man never left my sight, and if they did, I was calling their names trying to find them instantly. After an hour, Bee's practice was almost done and I had to round up my two and get back over to the other side of the park. I asked the little girls if they wanted out of the swings....they said no...and were still just sitting there when we left to go to the practice field about 15 minutes later. Still no parent in sight.

I guess I don't really know why I am surprised. After all, like I said, most of the moms there were probably no older than 18. Most were over at the basketball Court flirting with the boys playing hoops. It's 80 degrees and they are at the park, with their toddlers and little kids, dressed up like it's a dance club. I saw one girl with 4 inch fake nails and 5 inch hot pink stiletto heels trying to chase after an 18 month old. And another girl who was, I'm guessing 5'3 and 260lbs wearing neon green shiny spandex leggings and a tube top and smoking a black and mild. Her little girl asked to be put in the swing and her mothers response was "God Damn you little Niggas. Always wanting shit from me! Can't you see, I'm busy?!" (She was on her cell phone with her "Boo".)

One kind of awkward situation this did bring up, is when the kids saw me playing with Little Man and "C", they would ask them "Is that your mom?" or they would ask me "Is that your daughter? Your son?" Now, to an adult, I would respond "No. I am their dad's girlfriend", but to a child? How do you explain that? I don't want to say I am their Step Mom, because I am not just yet and I don't want to put that word in the kid's mouths just yet. I am not their mom. And while silly, it kinda hurts my feelings when the kids say "She's our babysitter". I know they know I am more than that..but it quelches the question and neither one of us have to explain it any further...but I am more than that...and I want to make sure they know that too. I don't know. Have to figure something out on that...

Ghetto or not, bad parenting or not, we had fun. The weather was nice, and everyone enjoyed being outside in the fresh air!

My Daybook Entry #3

Today is...
April 7th, 2010.

Outside My Window...
Grey. We are about to get some massive thunderstorms. I would have to say that Next to SUN, my favorite weather event has to be bad ass Thunderstorms. I love to watch them roll in over the water from my balcony. I can't wait to see them over the mountains and desert when we get to Arizona! It's also going to be 80 degrees today. Woo hoo!



I am Thinking...
About how people around here really can't drive. I seriously almost had a coronary like six times on my way in to work. I also Love Dunkin Donuts Coffee. Also on my mind, what do I say to other kids when we are at the park, and they ask me, in front of the Kiddo's "Is that your son? Is that your daughter?" I feel weird saying, "No, I'm their daddy's live in girlfriend."



I am thankful for...
Today, it's Dunkin Donuts Coffee, this skirt, and these cute flip-flops.


What I have learned this week...
that parents at the park are more often than not, rude...and their kids are just like them



I am wearing...
Flip Flops, Tan Skirt, Light Blue Tank top, black sweater. My hair is damp and not Straightened. Mix that with the high level of humidity due to the impending rain, and the hair is looking a hot mess today...



I am creating...
a plan in my head of how to get all the things done that need to be done before Football Season Starts...I have two weeks..



I am going...
to get Bee on track this week if it kills me....



I am reading...
"The Shack". Still. However, I actually picked it up yesterday and started reading it. I am almost done. By Next week, I will be talking about a new book here... :)



I am hoping...
that I have the energy left at the end of the day to clean the house.



I am hearing...
"Hey Soul Sista" By Train. Freaking awesome song...and really, where has train been? I loved "Drops of Jupiter"


Around the House...
Kiddos are on Spring Break. They Spent Monday with Bee at work. They helped their uncle wash the big truck, and dad with a few deliveries. Little Man fell asleep on the way back to the shop. Bee sent me a video of him sleeping. Cutest.Thing.Ever! They will be spending the rest of the week with Grandma Bee. The house still needs to be C-L-E-A-N-E-D! Maybe we can do that while Kiddos are away...hmm...



One of my Favorite things this week...
Spending Easter with my family and Bee and the kiddos. Wish we could have stayed long enough to see my brother, his girlfriend, and their kids, but it was getting late and the kids had to get home, get baths, and go to bed.


A Few Plans this week...
Hopefully clean while the Kiddos are at Grandma Bee's. Finish reading my book, Start a new one, maybe get some time with my BFF Rose.



A Picture Thought...

SPRING IS HERE!!!!

Happy Easter!

We had another really good weekend. Kiddos were off from school on Friday, so Thursday night their Grandparents came and picked them up from school. Later that night, Bee and I went to his practice, then headed home. He was off on Friday, I had to work half day. I was so bummed because it was beautiful out and I didn't want to have to be couped up inside. Bee went golfing with his friends and I reluctantly dragged my butt into work.

Friday afternoon, when I got home, Bee was just walking in the door. Him and his friends stopped for lunch at a local Mexican restaurant and he had a few margaritas with his lunch. Couple that with getting up at 6am, and instead of taking the bike out and enjoying they weather, he wanted to nap. So, we went and laid down in the bedroom. He napped. I watched weeds on my laptop. I am not going to lie, the relaxation was nice, but I kinda did want to be out in the 78 degree sunny weather

I woke him up around six and we got ready to go out to the "west side" to see his baby brother's band play. We took the bike and it was a beautiful night. My "BFF Rose" came to the show, along with two of Bee's Team mates. It was soo much fun. I don't know what it is, but I have so much more fun with Bee this time around. I mean, he could make me laugh before, but now, he actually makes me belly laugh. His laugh makes me laugh even harder. I can now rank him as seriously, the 3rd funniest person I know.



The band played great. They had a good time, we had a good time, and before you know it, it was closing time :( Bee and I said our goodbyes and loaded up on the bike. We were on the road for all of 10 minutes when I had to go pee. Twenty minutes later, we found an open IHOP, and stopped there. Talk about G-H-E-T-T-O! And the looks I got? I just wanted to do my business and get out of there! After that, we stopped at this Gyro place, picked up some grub, and headed home. We ate once we got there (amazing Gyros!) and then hit the hay. We laughed because as we were getting in bed, his alarm on his phone went off. It was 4:45am. Time to get up.




Saturday, we slept in. He played some XBOX while I watched WEEDS. He went and picked the kiddo's up while I showered, and then we left for practice. Practice was kinda crappy. 20 players showed up, but it was lopsided. No Quarterback, or other key players to run a practice. It was also SUPER windy and a front was coming through so our 75 degree weather, dropped to 55 degrees quite quickly.

After practice, we headed home to get ready and go to Tucker's house. We bought some beer and headed on over for drinks and hot tub time! Unfortunately, I didn't have my suite, so I hung outside while the boys and kiddos got in the hot tub. Saturday night was a late night as well. So we slept in Sunday morning as well. I was a little bummed because I did want to try and make church. Oh well, maybe next time.


This is how we found Little Man in the back seat once we got home from Tuckers. The Helmet was left in my car from when Bee took a friend of ours to practice on the Bike, but wanted to ride home in the car with me


We got up, the kids ate breakfast while Bee played some Xbox and I watched an episode or two of WEEDS before heading out to my parents house. I was slightly nervous about going there for Easter. I mean, I love my family. They love me and Bee and the kiddos. However, the last time around, whenever we would go to their house, Bee would plop himself in the corner and hardly speak to anyone. He would stay there the whole time, not saying a word. Eat there and quietly have me bring him more food or drink or whatever. My family was convinced he didn't like them. This is far from the truth. He is just quiet around those he doesn't know. Also, while his family is close (part of it anyway) they are not close like how my family is close. So, he's not used to that. Plus, every girl he has ever been with, he family hated him. (Honestly, I don't know why. He's a really good guy.)

When I told my family we were back together, they were a little hesitant because of the whole "He doesn't like us" feeling they got. I reassured them it wasn't the case and that I had talked to him about it...and Easter was the test.

I can tell you, he wasn't loud and center of attention like he is with his friends, but I can say he put forth a really good effort and I am sure my family noticed. All seemed to go well and everyone had a good time! Mom sent us home with tons of leftovers, as usual, and we were headed home around 6pm.

The night wound down. Kiddos took their baths and went to bed while Bee and I relaxed in the living room. We eventually went to bed and now, it's time for the week to start all over again. I am guessing since the kids are on spring break, we won't see too much of them this week. I think they are going to Bee's mom's house for a few days. I will miss them while they are gone, but I will also enjoy the extra half hour of sleep time I will get each morning since I don't have to take them to the babysitters :P

Quotes of Note

(Through the bathroom door to me) "Baby, what's this new machine that just appeared in here?!" That's my Battery Operated, Waterproof, Exfoliator for my face. "You use THAT on your FACE??

"I like my new hat. One, because it's Cool, and Two, because I look cool in it!" - Little Man

"Good morning to you! How was your night?!" - Little Man's first words to me immediately after I woke him up this morning.

"Baby, Promise me you will love my kids as much as you do now when you have a baby of your own." - Bee after I commented on how much I love the kiddos

"I remembered, on my own to wash my cereal bowl out! I put it in the sink and that's when I remembered! I can spell Bowl, too! B-O-W-L !" - Little man as we were walking out the door today. (We, well, I have really been getting on the kids about remembering to rinse their dishes in the sink)

"I am going to make you watch this show about Zimbees. That way tonite, when we go to bed, you will hold on to me tight" - Bee


Favorite Picture from this weekend....

Music Matters..

Was the name of the Kid's Spring Concert last night! They did soo well! They were soo adorable!!! I was soo proud and excited to be there! I was personally invited by them!

This makes my heart smile because after the rumors circling around that they didn't like me and that me going to school events was "embarassing" to them (I went to one event..) I was hesitant to go. However, when they personally invited me, unprompted, It made my heart melt. In fact, "C" told me in the car yesterday morning on the way to the babysitters, "I soo can't wait for you to see me perform tonite! What time do you get off work??

Some Pictures from tonight:

Notice "C" in a dress! This never happens and SHE picked it out to wear too!

My Daybook Entry #2

Today is...
March 31, 2010.

Outside My Window...
SUN!!!! Beautiful, glorious, life sustaining, Mood improving SUN! It's a bit chilly out (Roughly 39 degrees) but, by the end of the day it is supposed to be in the low 60's and tomorrow and the rest of the week it will be low 70's and SUN!!!!



I am Thinking...
about how happy I am. Bee and I are doing great. The kids are doing great. His Divorce is finally final and I just feel like now we can move on. We can close that ugly chapter and start our lives together...



I am thankful for...
My family and friends. They always love and support me no matter what. They are always there to make me laugh, offer their shoulder for me to cry on, lend and ear so I can vent, or just sit quietly in the same room with me to just be with me. I love them for that. :)



What I have learned this week...
When my mom is gone for long extended periods of time...I really really really miss seeing her face :) AND I now fully understand her and why she used to nag us when my sister and brother and I were younger because I find her words coming out of my mouth all...the...time... now.



I am wearing...
This question kinda creeps me out..but ok. Brown open-backed sandal-ey type shoes, no socks, blue jeans, brown tank top, and brown cardigan sweater. Hair is down and straight.



I am creating...
a loving and stable environment for Bee's kids. At least, I would like to think I am at least helping in that department.



I am going...
To the kiddo's spring concert tonight at school with Bee. I was invited by two of the performers. I seriously haven't been this excited about something in awhile :)



I am reading... "The Shack". I haven't even picked it up since last week. Well, I did. But that was to move it off the kitchen table and to my night stand. Ha! I want to finish it though, I have books in Que waiting to be read!



I am hoping...
to get started on packing up Bee's house very shortly. Arizona or not, he NEEDS to be out of there...and SOON. The longer he puts it off the more rushed he will be when the time comes...



I am hearing...
"IIII'm Scooping up my baby bum-ble bee! Won't my momma be so proud of mee-ee!" over and over in my head. Thanks to Bee's brother...who was singing it to Bee at work this morning when I called him. Apparently, Bee's brother and his girlfriend (Not my "band friend") think it's oh-so cute that I call him "Bee".



Around the House...
Ugh...it needs to be cleaned. De-Cluttered. Packed up. Well, at least sorted through and all the garbage needs to be pitched, donations need to be donated, for keeps stuff needs to be packed, or at least organized so that when it's time to pack it, it can be easily and quickly packed....it all makes me head swim and here is where Bee and I butt heads. I am not OCD, but I like organization. I despise clutter (I grew up in a house that thrived on it), I like Clean and orderly. I like to have a plan. I like to be able to see around the corner. Bee is not like that. He is laid back, easy going, clutter, messes, disorder? None of that bothers him. He takes life as it comes at him...I hope we can meet in the middle somewhere... :)



One of my Favorite things this week...
Other than finding out the "Wicked old witch is dead!"? I would have to say the Team Fundraiser. It was a blast. We had fun, the guys had fun, and it was a really nice and profitable way to start off the season.


A Few Plans this week...
Well, the Kiddos are going to grandma and grandpa's house ("her" parents) on Thursday night and are staying until Saturday early evening. So, we will have time to ourselves. Yay! :) Don't get me wrong, I love the kids and love spending time with them and by Saturday night, I will be missing them and counting the hours until they are home...but time away is good too :) We are going to see Bee's brother's band again Friday night. I work half day on Friday so that should be nice as well. Not too sure about Easter plans. Probably my parents house. :)



A Picture Thought...
My Dad is a Cowboy. Cowboy's fit in good out in Arizona :)