Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Enemies of the Step mommy!

Yesterday C started football. FOOTBALL. Can you believe it? It's going to be fall, and Halloween, and School, and Snow, and Christmas before you know it! While I am kind of excited, because I love me a schedule, I am also already mourning my flip flops and sun dresses. Sigh. At least there is 2 more months of flip flop weather left. Why the hell does winter get to last so long?! Anyway, I have stupid fundraiser crap to sell for it. I say "I", because, let's be honest...

Anyway, I read on the Rants From Mommyland blog today all about domestic enemies of the Step mommy and I was sooo happy to see that! I had been patiently waiting! However, I think there are a few more domestic enemies she missed. Probably because I am a different kind of step mommy...

You see, there is the step mommy. That is when Daddy marries another woman and you see her once every other weekend, and two weeks during the summer. This is hard, because like she stated, you love them 100% but only get to parent them 50%, and you get a say on 0%. If you are lucky, you have a great relationship (as good as one can have for the ex of your now main squeeze) with mommy. At the very least, you can hope for inappropriate things to be kept to ones self, at least when the kids are not around or within earshot and when they ARE, you two can put your big girl panties on and pretend to be civil.

Then there is Mistress Step-mommy. This would be the woman who stole her husband away and broke up a family. I am not a fan of this type of step mommy. But I will say, if you are going to go through all that, it BETTER be for love, and you BETTER be in for the long haul. Also, mistress step mommy needs to understand that if mommy keeps the bitch-face under control and does not stab or shoot you when dropping off/picking up, then there is hope. Someday.

Then there is me. I am kind of in my own category, but I have a lot of the same domestic enemies as the other two. I also have my own! See, I am the girlfriend. Ok, the LIVE IN Girlfriend. Mom is in prison, for a disgusting act of lack of self control and greed. It was her 3rd offense. She knew she would lose her family for a long time should she get caught, yet she still chose to steal $160 grand. She is a low life. A thief. Someone who should consider herself lucky to have gotten what she got for a punishment. She knew after the 2nd time, Bee wasn't going to tolerate it anymore. She did it anyway. When we met, he was still married. She had been found guilty, but not sentenced yet. She was still living at home. I stayed away. In fact, I didn't even get his number. A year later is when we reconnected and started dating. She was in prison by then. He was NOT divorced...yet...but the paperwork was started. He had already had two girlfriends between her and me.

I did not officially move in with him until August of last year. However, I was ALWAYS at his place. We did everything together. He has full, 100% custody of his two wee ones. He has shared custody of the eldest as well, but that has only been since August, and her mom has visitation. We started dating in April of 2009 he was divorced 3/17/2010, but he has had 0 contact with her since October 2009, not from lack of trying though, on her part.

We live together, and one of these days, hopefully soon, when he gets off his ass, we will be married. It is our intention (hence, we LIVE together, have BILLS together) to be married. We also plan to have another child. Together. However, that will take the help of a doctor because SHE had him get snipped. So, what makes me different than other brands of step mommy?

Yesterday I was single, no roommates, no responsibilities, today? "Wife" of one, Mom of three. It is now my job to cook, clean, help with homework, take to practice, soothe boo-boo's and hurt feelings, grocery shop, do the laundry, teach a different set of morals and life skills to an 8 year old, 10 year old, and 18 year old. The 18 year old is on the same page emotionally and maturity wise as the other two..., PLUS spend quality time with my lovey and make him feel special, wanted, and needed, AAANND Word a full time job. I know EVERY mom does this, but ya'll had them since birth to get it right. I am jumping in on the fly here, and it's been awhile since I was 8, 10, and 18.

Wow, They look JUST like you! This is usually said right in front of them. Wow, thanks Jackhole. Here are two kids traumatized by their mom being in prison, and while they are extremely polite and never say anything mean/hateful/"you're not my mommy!"like to my face, I am sure you just poured salt in their wounds. And no, we really don't look anything a like. But thanks for playing...

Is that your mommy?/Where is your mommy? This is said by other kids, or the latter by adults. Either way, being that the kids and I are together at this point, we kind of look at each other and say with our eyes "do we go with it, or explain who I am/what I am" either way, it's mucho uncomfortable

The guilt. ya'll had em since birth. I came in late in the game. I don't want to insult them by trying to teach/show them something that is obvious to them, but I don't want to NOT do something assuming they get it or know it. I always worry if I was too harsh. Or not hard enough.

The Fear. I worry. It's what I do. But really worry when it comes to them. Am I doing a good job? Will they be messed up individuals because of me? Do they hate me? When their mom gets out, will I lose all rights to them? Will they want to live with her (I don't even think they can...but I still worry). Do they know they are loved? By me and my family too? I know as a parent, you love all of your kids equally, but does that unconditional love thing count for step kids too? Like, I don't want to love one more than the other. Do they think I show favoritism? Do they think they won't count when I have a baby of my own?

And Finally, my personal favorite..

When you become a REAL mom...I seriously get this statement. A lot. From friends, but also from acquaintances as well. Usually, we will be in a group, discussing kids and their shenanigans and their accomplishments, and I will make a statement, and I will get the "Just wait until you become a REAL mom!" or "You'll understand it more when you become a REAL mom". Um, hello? I AM a real mom. They might not have poked of out my vag, but I stay with them when they are sick, pay for their food, clothes, discipline them, love them, teach them, provide for them, and protect them. Isn't that what mom's do? If not, then I guess I don't have a "real" mom either...

I love these kids. I am the only mom two of them have known for the last 2 and a half years. In fact, by the time their biological mom sees the light of day, I will have mothered them LONGER than she has. Who becomes the "real mom" then?

1 comment:

Karen said...

Amen, sister! And yes, we absolutely are so real moms to our stepchildren.