Friday, April 30, 2010

Spotlight on My Brother!

This is my brother. I call him "Baby Bro" or "Broham" mostly. As a kid, he irritated me like crazy. He was closer to my sisters age and they were inseparable so, they both were really good at annoying me when, I wanted to just hang with my friends. Or as he would put it "Yeahhh mannn...let's hang out in my room with my friends with the black light on and smoke cigarettes and listen to Nirvana..." Which, I did that too.

My brother is "adopted". I say that in quotations because he wasn't officially adopted, but my parents raised him for most of his life and for at least five years of it, they had legal custody of him. He now only refers to them as his parents. They have come a long way, my brother and parents. They have had their ups and downs but all seems to be worked out now, finally.

When my Aunt still lived in the area, she used to come around from time to time. One day, she shows up and introduces us to her new boyfriend. My aunt has lots of boyfriends. They are all skeezy, mostly. however, "T" seemed to be an honest, loving, man who really loved my Aunt. He had three boys, my brother being the youngest at about 6. My aunt and "T" came over almost every weekend and hung out with my parents. My brother and sister were close in age, so they played a lot and became close. My brother spent several summers at our house because my Aunt and "T" needed a babysitter and I was watching my sister anyway and we had a pool. God, did those two torture me. You can not be cool when you have a 6 and a 7 year old in constant tow when you are 15. lol!

Things between my Aunt and "T" went down hill after a year. "T" got back into drugs (We didn't know this was an issue for him until he relapsed". My aunt broke up with him, but my brother still came around all the time. Him and my sister were tight. One summer, "T" asked my mom if my brother could stay the summer with us. That way, he knew he would be well cared for and safe. My mom agreed. He came to our house in one outfit and had no others with him. Apparently, he didn't have any others period because his dad had sold all of his stuff for money for drugs. My mom bought him new clothes for summer and a few toys as well. When summer ended, "T" didn't come and get him. Neither did he ever call to check on him. My mom enrolled him into school thinking we had just gained another member of the family. She called "T" and asked if we could just keep him for him and he agreed. However, he abruptly came and got him a week later when he found out he would lose out on a lot of his welfare money not having my brother around.

Then, about two years later, my brother showed up on our porch and asked to live with us one summer day. His dad was just arrested and he was living with his brothers, but they got arrested that day too. He hadn't eaten in two days and he walked the five miles to my parents house. My mom took him inside immediately and fed him. Then bought him some clothes. Then called child services. They awarded emergency temporary custody and in about a month, my parents had full custody.

Unfortunately, by this time, my brother was 13. He had ran the streets long enough and been on his own long enough that he had issues with authority, anger, and fighting. Plus going from an inner city school district that is happy to have kids show up, let alone try and teach them anything, to a suburban school district that was voted best in the tri-county area. He worked hard, but he still had lots of ups and downs. Lots of struggles with kids, teachers, and my parents.

Through it all, he really ever seemed to only trust me. No matter what was going on between him and my parents, we had been super close. He eventually graduated and went on to the Marines. He went AWOL after a three months, ended up coming home and selling drugs with his deadbeat brothers. He got kicked out of my parents house. He stole from our friends, he was doing drugs himself, and then his best friend was killed in Iraq. I think that kind of snapped him out of his self destructing behavior. He got a job with one of his good friends from school (Great guy. Has been a friend of the family for years and is a role model to my brother) and enrolled into school. Stopped hanging with the wrong crowd and surrounded himself with a good group of friends. However his relationship with my parents was somewhat rocky still.

Then in May of this year, he announced he had just found out he was going to be a father. Since then, my parents and him have been super close. He has finally got his butt into gear. Finished school, and is raising his family. He has a wonderful girlfriend, he is the step dad to a wonderful little girl (pictured with him above) and is the daddy to the cutest little girl around!

In a lot of ways, he is my role model. He has taken his life and lived it his way. Even if it was unpopular. He has made all of his own mistakes, and has genuinely learned from them. He is a great daddy and has always been a great Little-Big Brother :) I wish him luck and success in the future and hope we always remain as close as we are now!

Thursday, April 29, 2010

31 flavors and 31 smiles!

Last night Baskin Robbins was having their annual .31 cent scoop night. They were also, as with every .31 cent scoop night, donating $100,000.00 to the fallen firefighters fund. I am a huge fan of supporting those who support us (Police, EMS, Firefighters, Soldiers etc), and of buying children's affection via ice cream. I may not be their mom, but I can be cooler than their mom. Ahem. Sorry. Having issues today. I just have to keep reminding myself that A) I don't have to stoop to "her" level, and B) I Won.

So, Bee had to meet with baby momma #1 last night because apparently, the 16 year old was having "emotional issues" and she wanted to talk to him about the best way they could help her as a parenting team. Let me just say this, I have no problem with baby momma #1. She is nice enough, to me, anyway. She and Bee talk strictly about the one thing they still have in common, and that's it. Baby Momma #2 could really take some lessons from her....but I digress. Baby Momma #1 is fine, if not a little whack-a-doo. However, she is whack-a-doo in the free spirited, new-agey kinda way where as Baby Momma #2 is whack-a-doo in the leave-a-rabbit-boiling-on-your-stove kinda way...

So, while Bee was off meeting up with her, I took the kiddo's to go get ice cream! I mean hell, they each got 3 scoops (a treat in our house, for sure!) and I got two and it costs us just a little over $2.00. I got frozen yogurt (Can't do milk), "C" got rainbow sherbet, and Little man got Chocolate. 31 flavors and that kid wants chocolate. I kept telling him, "Look, they have cookies and cream, mint chocolate chip, Reese's peanut butter cup! Are you sure you want chocolate?" But he couldn't be swayed. Oh well, gotta admire his conviction :)

While we were there, they had one of the local fire trucks out in the parking lot for this kids to look at. The fireman were very sweet. They gave the kids a personal little "tour" of the firetruck and explained, in detail, which each part did to help put out fires. Then, answered all their questions, let them sit in the drivers seat, play with the siren, and then they got cool treats such as: A hat, a badge sticker, 2 pencils each, a water bottle, and a Frisbee!

We finished our ice creams, went home, and the kids fell asleep in their hats, dreaming of being firefighters :)

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

My Daybook Entry #6

Today is...
April 28th, 2010.

Outside My Window...
Sunny and in the mid 50's. It's supposed to warm up to the mid 70's by the end of this week. I can not wait!

I am Thinking...
About my dad. I really don't agree with his diagnosis. It doesn't jibe with me. However, my mom is one of those "What the doctor says is law!" type people and while even though she is taking him to his normal doctor today, I don't think she will fight to get an MRI done. I REALLY do hope it was just an anxiety attack, but it scares me that they would stamp that on him and dismiss him when it's so not characteristic of my dad.

I am thankful for...
The fact that my dad is ok now and feeling better.

What I have learned this week...
That my parents are both mortal and are getting older and that while I hope we don't, there are going to be other scares like this and that someday, they might not come home so lucky :(

I am wearing...
brown sandals, jeans, brown tank top, and brown hoodie.

I am creating...
an idea of some recipes for this coming week. I am thinking cheesy hot dogs tonight with corn maybe? Or maybe I'll get some tater tots on my way home and make those...Mmmm...I love tater tots :)

I am going...
to the team fundraiser on Saturday! Yay! It's going to be all day long. I hope it goes well. I love spending time with the team! They are a great group of guys! Oh, and BFF Rose is going to be there, too!

I am reading...
"Two from Galilee" by Marjorie Holmes. Still. I am trying to find time to read, but it's hard. When I do find time to read, I find myself wanting to do other things.

I am hoping...
That they run better tests on my dad and they come back with good news.

That Bee gets a bee in his bonnet, and we get the basement cleaned out....soon.

That we make decent money and have a good turn-out for the team fund-raiser this weekend. The more we make, the less the guys have to pay to play!

That my parents get their house done and sold soon so they can start relaxing in Arizona!

I am hearing...
Usher's "O.M.G" going round and round in my head. It was on the radio this morning. I hate that song. It seems no one just sings anymore. Everyone uses some sort of synth machine. It's like the 80's all over again...oh Lord, help me! I had the station on alternative music, but Bee keeps putting it on the top 40 station....then complaining every time every song comes on that he "hates" this song, or "This song is soooo overplayed!" and then changes the's like, why bother with it at all?

Around the House...
Bee is all A-buzz (Ha! Like that? ;) ) because "She" sent the kids letters last week. Apparently, she refrained from being "mean", but basically slammed him to kids. She went on and on about how the "court" says (ie: a "jail-house lawyer") he can not keep her letters from the kids (he can. If he feels the letters are "upsetting" or "interfering" with his parenting). She also went on to encourage the kids to get the letters from the mailbox and open them and read them before he can pre-screen them. Which, as a parent, he has full right to screen what his kids read, but more important as the "FULL CUSTODIAL PARENT" he can do whatever he feels is best for them. What upset me was, he reads the letters, gets way pissed about it, and then GAVE THE LETTERS TO THE KIDS! I am sorry, I feel if she can't play by the rules and just simply write a letter to her children to express how much she misses and loves them and that's IT, then she shouldn't be able to have the privilege to have them read her letters at all. I hate. HATE. when parent(s) use their kids as weapons against each other. Grow the eff up. Seriously. Even if he just read aloud to the kids what mom had to say to THEM and left out the parts where she goes on her rants. Whatever. In this situation, I am only aloud to have an opinion I guess...not make decisions... But other than that, things around our hive are going well. Now if only I can train the kids to do their homework right after school instead of me, just happening to think to ask at 8pm and them tell me " I haven't finished it yet..." It's like, why are you watching TV then? DO YOUR HOMEWORK! (Oh my...I sound like my mother...)

One of my Favorite things this week...
Little Man bringing me "get better" "Flowers" (Dandelions), Seeing my sweet baby niece yesterday, and Bee randomly hugging me and telling me he loved me just because I was folding his laundry (apparently, "she" also never lifted a finger to do housework either...) Ok, there's like three favorite things...oh! Four! Poppy coming home yesterday mostly back to normal!

A Few Plans this week...
Fundraiser on Saturday, Bee's 16 year old joining us for her weekend visit, possibly, maybe poking bee enough to get the basement done...

A Picture Thought...

Isabella saying "Hi" after waking up from her nap in her stroller at the hospital yesterday

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

When it rains, it pours

I woke up this morning feeling like I just wanted to go back to bed. Not that I was sick, or it was an ugly day outside, in fact, it was sunny and bright! It was just that I was tired, and well, who could pass up extra sleep? But, it didn't matter. I had to take the kids to Latch Key anyway so, If I have to get up and get dressed for that, I can go to work. Not to mention, I was off a day and a half last week as it was.

I drop the kiddos off and get on my way into work. I got 3/4 of the way there when my phone rang. It was my parents house. Not typical for my mom to call that early to chat, but not unheard of. I answered and it was my sister. That's when I knew something was wrong. She told me that my dad was being taken to the hospital via ambulance and that they were going to meet him at the hospital because they thought my dad was having a stroke. I instantly burst into tears and told her I was on my way and would meet them there.

Had it been my mom being rushed to the hospital, I think I still would have been worried, but I don't think I would have fallen apart. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't love my mom, it's just that since I was a kid, she has been in and out of the hospital for all of her various health issues that I have almost become desensitized to it. Mainly because, each time, no matter how serious, she always comes home fine or at least on the road to being fine. However, when my father, who barely gets a cold needs to be taken in, it was earth shattering.

I started praying like crazy. Making phone calls. Crying some more. Praying even harder. I had visions of him not being at my wedding. Him not holding his grandchild. Holidays without him. It was too much. I think I did 89 the whole 32 miles to where they were, which, as I might add, was not where they would normally go, but that hospital was closed to emergencies due to being full.

I pulled in just as my mom and sister were getting there and we all walked in together. They could only take my om back at first, so my sister and I sat in the waiting room waiting for my brother to get there. Apparently, my dad had been complaining of dizziness the past couple of days. Then, this morning, he woke up and stumbled in the bedroom. Then, walking through the living room, he fell into the rocking chair trying to get to the dining room. My mom asked him if he was ok, and he said he was just dizzy. She brought him his coffee and he held it and just stared off into space. My mom asked if he was ok and he said no and that he thought he was having a stroke. And really, he should know. He's had one before. When he was 38. He had a migraine induced stroke.

Finally, they let us go back and see him. I almost burst into tears when I saw him in his hospital bed. He looked so fragile. He was shaking like he had Parkinson's. He was crying. He couldn't control his head. His feet were tingly, and he couldn't control his hands. He tried to speak his name when the nurse came in and he struggled and struggled to get the words out. I would have broke down, but my mom and sister were already crying, which was making him cry more and I figured I could cry later.

They took him for a CAT Scan, and drew some blood and ran an EKG. They said it was just a severe panic attack, gave him some anti-anxiety medicine and discharged him. I was so pissed! I wanted an MRI done and him started on clot busters just in case! And, you can see some strokes on a CAT scan! An MRI is the standard test! Not to mention, the attention he received was sub par. His monitors were red alarming like three times and no one came to check on him. Finally, I had to go get someone!

They gave him some of the medicine there and he seemed to come out of it, but, I honestly don't buy it. He's NEVER had anxiety issues in his 62 years. He is the most even keeled person I have ever seen. I can count on one hand the number one times I have seen my dad cry or lose his top...the stroke makes more sense. I personally think he had a T.I.A., or, mini-stroke. He is going to his doctor tomorrow and hopefully they will order an MRI.

I am relieved he is home and resting, but I will feel better once he has a second opinion. Until then, I will be praying like crazy!!

Monday, April 26, 2010

And it's Monday again..

The weekend was laid back and low key. Mostly because I was still recovering my my oral surgery. Thursday I went into work for a few hours to tie up some lose ends, but only stayed till about 10:30 or so because I had yet to take a pain pill because I needed to be able to drive, and was hurting pretty bad. So, I left and came home and pretty much was zoned out the rest of the day. Ah, Percocet. You were my friend. Friday, my mouth hurt WAY less, but there was still a ball of infection the size of bouncy ball in my jaw which made me look like Sesame Street's "Guy Smilie", so I took Friday off too. I was tired anyway and had a nagging headache that finally dawned on me was a lack of caffeine. After some coffee, I felt much better.

Friday night, we hung out at home. The kiddos went over to a friends house for a few hours to play and Bee and I just hung around the house. He made me some dinner, and we pretty much vegged out for the rest of the night. The kids came home from playing, ate, watched a little TV and put themselves to bed around 9pm. We followed shortly around 10:30pm.

Saturday was Bee's game. The weather actually was looking promising. I actually thought I might have over-dressed because when we left the house, it was sunny, and bordering on warm (When I say "warm", it was like 70. I'm a freeze baby) We got to the field, and I got set up in the booth to film and it started getting cloudy and a little breezy. By game time, it was roughly 60 degrees. The game started, things looked promising, but then the down pour came, everyone and everything got soaking wet (except me! I was in the booth. Yay me!) and we couldn't keep our hands on the ball. We ended up losing 6-0, but believe me, the other team fought hard for those points and after watching the film, Bee says that the ref's made two incorrect calls that actually would have meant two touchdowns for our team. So, take that as you will. All I know is, we made it there , on time, and with everything we needed to bring, so I did my job! :D

Saturday night we had to take a player home because he got hurt and couldn't drive his car home. So, Bee drove him in his truck and I followed. Then, we left and grabbed pizza and headed home. The kiddo's were exhausted from playing outside, in the rain, so they ate and hit the hay. We stayed up till about midnight or or and then hit the sack ourselves.

Sunday we hung out at home most of the day with the exception of running out to Wal-mart to get little man some shorts and pants because Oh Em Gee, that kid..either wears his pants that are waaaayyy too tight and honestly, I don't know how that can be comfortable, or wears his older step-brothers pants, which are from 2 years ago when he lived there, and who is 4 years older than him, so they fit ok in the waist, but are waaayyy too long and some are just way too big everywhere. Then we hit Best-Buy, stopped at Bee's mom's house to pick up some stuff she had for us, and then home again where we hung out the rest of the night.

All in all, it was a good weekend however, we did get some bad news. One of "C"'s classmates' father was killed during the week. You can read about it here , but basically what happened was, he was driving down Vine Street, at 100+ mph (they think he might have been drunk) and it comes to a "T" intersection, and he kept going, hit the embankment, went air born, and hit the apartment building between the 3rd and 4th stories! Obviously, died instantly, but still a sad loss none the less. His family is certainly in our prayers. :(

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Saturday = Gameday!

Today is the first pre-season game for Bee's football team. The day has started off right. We woke up, well, Bee woke up, at 7am. He lounged around until I got up at 9am. Then I made a big breakfast for everyone consisting of Bacon, Cheesy Eggs, and Toast. Now we are relaxing. Him playing XBOX with "C" (Madden of course, because you know, that's what every 9 year old girl plays with her father on xbox ;) ), Little Man is off playing some other game on xbox in the other room, and I am here blogging :)

In a few minutes, the chaos will begin. I will change out of these PJ's, get in the shower, and put my freaking parka on because it's 58 degrees outside and supposed to rain. I know, this is GREAT football weather, but if you are a freeze baby like me, it's not so fun. Then, it's time to get Bee and the kiddos pack up. Yes, I include Bee in there too. He may be 40. He may have even been playing football longer than I have been old enough to date, but he likes to wait to the last minute and then run around like a crazy man trying to find stuff. Meanwhile, he is stressing because he is going to be late, so he is yelling at everyone. When we finally make it out the door, we get halfway there and he remembers he forgot something important. Then, guess who gets asked to go back an get it...that's right. Moi. So, I just pack everything up and it causes less stress. Do I spoil my man? Yes. Yes, I do.

After the game, I am sure we will all meet up least the Offensive guys and their wives/girlfriends. We usually have a good time with these guys. They become like a second family.

Well, that's really about it for now. I am feeling much better. The swelling is still there, but nowhere near as bad as it was on Wednesday. I am not in too much pain anymore either. I made it all day yesterday and so far today without a pain pill. I have been eating more since feeling better and It's a little sore, but nothing that Tylenol can't cure. Well, I really should get in the shower and start preparing. I'll blog more tomorrow with a final score and hopefully some pictures!

Friday, April 23, 2010

Spotlight on...My Sister!

This is my sister. She is 5 years younger than me. All my life she has always been there. Always wanting to be part of whatever it was I was doing. Always bugging me, always annoying me and , always trying to get in my business.

However, she is my sister. I love her. I love her quirks and I hate her quirks. She always finds away to make me laugh most of the time. When we hang out, there are lots of rude things said, laughs at others expense, and insults shared.

When we were kids, we would fight like cats and dogs, make each other cry, and be the first to throw an insult out at each other. However, let someone on the outside say something something bad, and we were there first ones to defend each other, I guess that's just what family is. You hate them. You love them. You can't live without them.

My sister has been there for me in ways I don't think she will ever know. She fiercely defends me to this day and offers to take the faces off of anyone who says a negative thing about me. She still lives at home, and while I tease her about that, it's comforting to know that she is watching out for my parents.

We still fight like cats and dogs when we spend more than 3-4 hours with each other, but she is still my family and I love her. She is one of my favorite people. I love my sissy!

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Woeful Wednesday, Indeed!!

My face got huge. by huge, I mean, freaking huge. I was in a LOT of pain. I was considering just going to the med center and paying my $15.00 copay because it would be cheaper than the dentist. However, I was still going to wait it out and see, In the meantime, I was icing my face that was now looking like I was smuggling ping pong balls in my cheek.

My boss saw me like this and freaked out. She told me I needed to go to the Dentist right away. I kept putting her off saying "yeah, yeah. I know" But not really planning on it unless I really had to.

Here's the facts: I knew I needed at least a root canal. Even though my insurance pays 80% (50% of the final crown), 20% of "a lot" is still, "A LOT". I am working with barely enough funds this week to put gas in my car. I can not afford to go to the dentist and pay for the office visit and medicines they will put me on and that's not even including the actual dental work.

Finally, at noon, when my face doubled in size from the morning, she came up to me and told me that I had an appointment at 4:50pm at her dentist. He is our bosses neighbor. He will let me make payments, he's nice, and if I need it, she will foot the bill and I can pay her back. Needless to say, the offer brought me to tears.

So, I wait all day, drive out there (it's half hour from work, but an hour from home). I have HUGE anxiety about the dentist, but seeing as how my face got even bigger, I knew I had to go. He turned out to be SOOOOO nice! Very calming. Very loving (but not in a creepy way). He did an xray and found out that unfortunately, the infection had turned into a cyst and it was HUGE. So huge, that it had already loosened the tooth beyond saving. He was going to have to pull it. I was horrified. I did not want a hole in my mouth! Not to mention, he said the infection was so bad, that it would eat up the Novocaine and he didn't have any nitrous because you have to order ahead for that. He said he would load me up, but it might be uncomfortable but it was too bad to kill the infection and THEN pull the tooth.

So, we went ahead. I was a little uncomfortable, but really, it wasn't too bad. He had to lacerate the cyst and the after effects were painful. He was so sweet. He only charged me $50.00 because I work for his neighbor and even let me post date my check be since it was an emergency. He gave me lots of pain pills and an antibiotic. I had to go get it filled and almost went homicidal on the lady at CVS because it took so long (probably not as long as it felt like because I hurt so bad) and then I had an hour drive home. I took my antibiotic because you need an hour between that and the pain pills.

I finally got home, took a pill, and Bee made me soup and took care of me. He needs to keep an eye on me because I am so allergic to antibiotics and we are trying a new one because the "old stand by" wouldn't be enough.

So, that's my day. I am now due for another pain pill, and I am going bed.

My Daybook Entry #5

Today is...
April 21st, 2010.

Outside My Window...
Sunny and in the mid 50's. I'm spoiled. I am spoiled because that is too cold for me now. Even though for this time of year in Ohio, that is un-seasonably warm.

I am Thinking...
About how, right about now, I'd settle for a dull rusty spoon to dig this tooth out of my head.

I am thankful for...
The fact that I do not have said dull rusty spoon. Also, that God Invented Ice, Mouth Wash with anti-septic, and Ibuprofen.

What I have learned this week...
That apparently, I am Little Man's new BFF. I was told, by him, that I would walk him into his school for his first day of Latch Key. He only wants to stay with me and go wherever I go. He talks to me non-stop and has to count the letters and spell every.word.he.hears. to me. He tells me how much he loves my cooking, and every morning asks me how my night was. He brings me treats, and last night, he picked me flowers. I told Bee he should tread carefully. His 7 year old son is upstaging him.

I am wearing...
Old school Chucks, jeans, ruffly tank top, long black sweater, and a ping-pong ball between my jawbone and cheek...oh wait...that's just the swelling....

I am creating...
and ice pack for my seems to be helping. I took Tylenol. The pain seems to be subsiding...I have been icing the ping-ponged size ball of swelling and it seems to be better in just the last 15-20 minutes I have been icing it...

I am going...
To bed when I get home. Ugh. Oh, and Arizona in July. Yay! Just for a visit though. We need to look for jobs, find a place we'd like to live, and whatnot.

I am reading...
"Two from Galilee" by Marjorie Holmes. GREAT book. Still. :) Been kinda busy...

I am hoping...
To get rid of this tooth ache on my own...

I am hearing...
The tapping on keys and it's annoying me...

Around the House...

We are starting the season! First scrimmage wasn't that good, but The guys worked really hard at practice yesterday. They want this. "C" Sprained her wrist getting out of the car last week (yeah, I know...) so, we've had an uncomfortable child the last week or so. Little Man has been my new BFF lately, which under normal circumstances I would be over the moon about it. Which, I am. But this tooth is killing me and my patience is thin with the best intentioned little guy around.

One of my Favorite things this week...
Was Little Man required of me to walk him into his school for Latch Key. Also, when he brought me "flowers" he picked for me yesterday. What a good little boy...

A Few Plans this week...
Get rid of my toothache! Bee winning his pre-season game on this coming Saturday, continue to make dinner every night.

A Picture Thought...

On Saturday, one of the players had an extra hard hat in his car. He has a bunch of them at home (he is with the Local 13 Laborers) and he offered one to Little Man. He, of course took it without hesitation! It's been a chore to get it off his head ever since. He takes it off to shower, and for school. That's it. He even sleeps in it!! According to Grandma Bee, Bee was like that too...

Woeful Wednesday!

Today is not shaping up to be very good. I have a tooth ache :(

slept all of maybe 45 minutes last night. Poor Bee. I was tossing and turning. Luckily, he has one of those beds that doesn't transfer movement, but he was trying desperately to cuddle me and I was a squirmy worm because nothing was comfortable. He is so cute though. Even in a dead sleep, he will pull me across the bed to make sure we are cuddling while we sleep. He also tells me about 10 times a night just how much he loves me. He's sleeping, which is the funny part, but still, subconsciously knows I am there and wants to tell my subconscious I guess. :)

Anyway, it was a fitful night and today is kicking my butt. I am tired. My face is swollen, it hurts, and I am too low on funds to even consider going to even the med center for relief. I guess it's Tylenol/Ibuprofen for me. I am kind of in a catch 22 because while the Ibuprofen is ideal because it's an anti-inflammatory which will bring the swelling down, which will stop the pain better, I am not really supposed to take it because of the gastric bypass surgery I had back in 2006. It messes with our tummies. However, Tylenol works great for about 20 minutes...then it wears off and doesn't do much for swelling and the swelling is what's really causing the pain. Ugh! I hate this. I swear, if I win the lottery? First thing I do is get ALL of us in to see a dentist! What happened to the days where dental coverage was as important as health insurance? I mean, I remember, they used to allow you to have two insurances. My dad had our dental. Whatever was not covered by his plan, my mom's insurance picked up...they don't allow that anymore. LAME! I mean, I have dental insurance, but it's more like a discount then actual insurance. A Root Canal costs, without coverage, around $3,500.00. Insurance covers half. I still don't have $1,750.00. I realize dental health is important, but if it's between rent/food/child care/gas/electric/gasoline annnd the dentist? Guess whats going to win that fight..

ANYWAY, moving along. We have had a good week thus far. I have managed to cook a home made dinner every night (except Friday and Saturday. But, I did do breakfast and lunch on Saturday). Little Man has been super clingy to me lately. He always wants to be by my side. Ride in my car, and every three seconds he is asking me something or telling me something he has discovered or how to spell something and how many letters is in said word. Last night, he talked to me non-stop from the moment he arrived at Bee's practice and saw me, until the moment he went to bed. I felt bad because while I was trying REALLY hard to not lose my patience with him, my tooth was killing me and my fuse was shorter than usual. However, I think I did a pretty good job at not showing my annoyance.

These are my flowers that Little Man picked just for me!

Kiddos started Latch Key, which they LOVE. I love latch key too. Always something for them to do. Always open and dependable. Plus, the kids are playing, not working, and they get to school on time. I now just dread the summer. Everything is so expensive for one child, let alone two. I have a feeling I am in the wrong business.

Seriously, if I didn't "need" the health insurance, I would totally quit my job and stay at home taking care of kids. I love them. They love me. I am good at babysitting. I could be home for Bee's two as well. Just think, even if I charged $150.00 a week per kid (Most day care's go for around $200.00 depending on age), if I had three kids to watch, I would bring home more than I bring home now. I think that parents get the short end of the stick when it comes to child care. For realsies.

Well, that's really it for now. I think I am going to go down three more Tylenol and hope for the best!

Monday, April 19, 2010

Glamour Shots!

Ok, so I came across these gems on the interwebs today. Freaking hilarious. I love a good laugh and with nothing going on today, these made my day. My BFF Rose and I were talking about them and while I am Just young enough, and North enough to have really missed this phase of the late 80's early 90's. She remembers them quite well. She claims to have never had one taken...but I question that...While I personally never had a Glamour Shot TM photo done, I really wanted one when they are all the rage. Soooooo glad I never got one. Some of my cousins did though and they are just as funny as some of these. I really wish I had a copy of my cousin Allison's scantly clad fire woman one from when she was dating a fire fighter. Hahaha! Enjoy!!

Ok, PETA called...They were PISSED!

Is this a man or a woman? The black and white confuses me...

I like the fist to the chin...

Typical Glamour Shot...except she looks like she ATE Molly Ringwald

Her Face is scaring me more than the jacket..

This reminds me of cross between Will Ferrel in Blades of Glory and Napoleon Dynamite...and yet I think he was in the Waltons or something...

Wow! What a party for my eyes!!

I didn't know they offered Prom for the Middle Aged....

She has the wrong century...
Wow...all I can say is Wow. Elvis would be proud...

Why must we insist on dressing our little girls up like they are 35? And more importantly, The hat...really?

I don't care which trailer park you are from, this is NOT cute..

Someone forgot to tell Edna that this was a GLAMOUR shot...

True Story, "She" is really a "he". Glamour Shots Helped many tranny's become who they are today!

Has Anyone ever dressed like this? Ever? I mean, besides TV's "Blossom"?

How come ever Glamour Shot you had to hold your collar? Would the glamour get away if you didn't?

Wow, Even airbrushing didn't help..

I pick the blue glittery shirt and matching Bowler hat! It'll be SUPER!

White Feathers will tone down the crazy in your eyes...

Anyone Else think that she could be his mother? Also, nothing says badass biker dude like Glamour Shots..

Keep the Flab showing to the confines of your own trailer...

I can't tell if she is 50 or 5...but either way, it creeps me out...

Like my cousin's fire woman shot, this has the typical "Show your sexy shoulder.."

Don't make Medusa wouldn't like her when she's angry..

Let the Chaos Ensue!

Well, it's officially begun. Football season is upon us. Saturday the guys had their first scrimmage of the season. Let me tell you, it wasn't pretty. Although, if you ask Bee, it went better than he thought it would so I suppose that's good.

Friday night we were just going to chill at home in our PJ's. Kiddos playing, Bee and I drinking Mike's Hard Lemonade, relaxing in front of the TV. It sounded like a REALLY good idea especially since he had football on Saturday. Then, at ten till 5, my boss offered me 4 baseball tickets, with parking pass, in our suite. I called Bee, and he agreed that while baseball wasn't our favorite sport, the kids would be over the moon about going and it wouldn't cost us anything but time and gas to go down there, so we accepted the tickets. Bee told them to go get dressed because we had a surprise for them, but didn't tell them where we were going. Oh, you should have heard the guesses we had on the way down to the Stadium! We had "Swings N Things", "C"'s most favoritist place to go, we heard "Chuck E Cheese", we heard "Dad's football Practice" and even an "Arizona!".

We were right. The kids WERE over the moon! They were super excited about the game, and even more in awe when they saw where we were sitting. My company has a suite in the mid-level right behind home plate. Normally when at a sporting event, we don't buy them anything because the stadium food is hugely over priced, but they were super excited to see all the food and pop available to them in the suite. Little Man was so excited to be there and didn't stop talking and asking questions about everything. My Boss was there too, and the kids, when they got bored with the game, enjoyed playing with her little girl. All in all, it was a great success! Our team won, but all the talk was centered around the fan sitting in the third row who took a baseball bat to the FACE at about 50mph. The guy was ok, which makes it alright for me to say it was AWESOME! haha! We took two super tired kiddos home, and all four of us went to bed early.

Saturday was Bee's Scrimmage and it was cold. In fact, an hour before the scrimmage it was snowing. Not stick-to-the-ground snow, but snowing none the less. The ball was all over the place. The center couldn't get it off the ground and when he did, it would go way high, or the quarterback couldn't keep it in his hands. We have three quarterbacks. One is hurt (he would most likely be the starter too) the other is a wonderful athlete but I question his intelligence and he doesn't know the plays, and the other knows the plays, shows up at EVERY practice, but isn't the best athlete. Our Offense line was weak and the defense they went up against was small and quick, and oddly enough, hitting harder than our big, beefy, O-Line. Our defense was all over the place too.

That being said, the team we scrimmaged was a pretty good team. They are not the type of team where you would look at them and say "Oh, this win is surely in the bag". Not that you should say that with any team you face, but going in, we knew if we "won", we would have to fight for it and work hard. Also, there were no refs because this was only a scrimmage, and no refs tends to encourage guys to not exactly play by the rules. This was actually the reason why it ended early. Too many fights breaking out and that's not what this is about. Our team wants to play football, not brawl in the streets. Most amusing to me and Bee was the fact that his former Offense Coach from last year (who thought and acted like he was the head coach) who in a surprising turn of events last year, abruptly quit at the end of the season and started his own team, and tried to take all of Bee's players (it actually back fired because a lot of guys weren't going to come back, but as soon as they found out this coach wasn't going to be there, they all came running back...even guys from previous years) showed up to check out what we had going for us. Now, this is not unusual. The scrimmage was posted around the message boards and on facebook. In fact, there were a few other teams who showed up to watch. They came over and talked to Bee and the players on the sidelines. But the funny thing about this former coach of ours, he hid behind the trees on the playground to watch.... hmmm..

Not that I, or my BFF Rose who came along to hang out with me minded that they ended the Scrimmage early. It was 38 degrees out and windy...with a slight drizzle in the air. I couldn't feet my toes or my fingers. We left and met up at a local bar that one of the players aunts works at. We got food, which was good because we were STARVING, and then, we left to meet up with the famed "Tucker" for his birthday celebration. My BFF Rose agreed to come too and even spend the night! I was so excited because she's never spent the night at Bee's with me before. In fact, this was the first time I even have had a friend over! It was fun! We hung out with the kiddos and Tucker and his family, then headed back home where we all crashed out early. The cold weather wore us all out.

Sunday, we all just kinda hung out and chilled. Bee played XBOX and BFF Rose and I cackled, plotted, gossiped, and talked away the day. I eventually took her home around 4pm and stopped over at the family's house to check in on them and get my Letter Jacket from high school that my mom found. I was so happy! I thought that was lost forever! I rarely wore it back in high school because I was really fat and it didn't fit me. I lent it to my sister one winter when she needed a winter coat and never saw it after that. It needs to be washed to get the dog hair and cigarette/pipe smoke smell out of it, but, other than that, it's barely used! I also, while thinking about it, need to get my class ring re sized. I have lost 200lbs since high school and would like to be able to wear my ring again. After I left my parents house, I came back out to Bee's and hung with him and the kiddos. We all went to bed and now here we are, Monday again.

Today, the kids started Latch Key. I was nervous because while the website said fill out the forms and have a check ready blah blah blah, I wasn't sure if we had to call someone and register them or what. I felt weird just showing up, 3/4 of the way into the school year with papers and children, all unannounced like. However, that is how it was to be done. Also, adding to my nervousness was the fact that I told Bee, each child needs a check for $50.00. He sent one check for $50.00. Then, I was planning on walking the kids in, but then thought "What if they don't want me to? What if you aren't supposed to?" So, when "C" asked me, "Are you going in with us, or did you want me to hand in our forms?" and before I could even answer, Little Man piped up, very sternly, "NO! I want her to walk me in to my School!" So, with my warmed heart overflowing, the issued was decided. It's a good thing I went in too. Apparently, parents must bring their children inside and sign them in. Good to know! :)

So, that is how we started our week. It was pleasant until I got to work and the elevators were out and I had to climb three flights of stairs only to find out our computers were down and oh yeah, there's no heat and hasn't been any this weekend. It's all fixed now, but it's still freezing in here. My little space heater is cranked as high as it will go and I still need my blanket....then again, that's every day for me :)

Friday, April 16, 2010

Same Old Hat...

This is called the "Water Genie - The Bottomless watering can!" It's "attachment" connects to your outdoor spigot eliminated the pesky need to keep refilling your watering can and with the adjustable spray nozzle, you can not only water your plants, but clean up and dirt that spills from your flower pots! For just three low monthly payments of $39.95 plus shipping and handling, the "Water Genie" can be yours!

Um. This is called a "Garden Hose". It was invented eons ago and can be purchased for $25.00 at your local Home Depot (That is the price for 50ft. I am sure they have 10ft for around $9.00).

I HATE when people take everyday items and slap a new name on them and then charge you out the yang to purchase said everyday item. And people rush to buy it.

Which, as Bee stated when I brought this up to him, who is more stupid, the seller or the buyer?

Spotlight on... My Dad!

So, after focusing on my mom for last weeks spotlight entry, how hard was it to guess that my dad would be next??? hmm? :)

This is my poppy. I call him anything from "Dad", to "Daddy", "Poppy" or "Fither". My dad has to rank up there as one of the smartest people I know. Ever since I was a little girl, he has always been my hero. From scaring away the monsters under my bed, to fixing (or putting together) my toys. I was always quoted as saying, "My daddy can do anything! He's an electrician!" Even now, at 29 years old he is STILL fixing or putting together my toys and rescuing me when I need rescuing. This is the only man I know who would drive 45 minutes out of his way, just to bring me money, put gas in my car, or change a flat tire. Basically, if I need him, no matter for what, or when, he will be there.

My dad has instilled in me, what exactly I need in a man by being all that and more to my mother. He has always been the head of our household. He has the final say in all decisions, but usually defers to my mother. They talk everything out and make big decisions together. He may be the head of the house, but he still treats my mother with nothing but pure love. He has never thought anything about doing laundry, straightening up the house, washing dishes and he never has to be asked. He just does.

Like every human, he loses his patience sometimes, but always remains composed. I can count on one hand the times I have actually seen him lose his temper. He has always been there for my siblings and I. Every school concert, football game, or other function and while there, acted like he would rather be no other place in the world. He helped in all the major school projects, too. In fact, somewhere still in our garage is the fully working doorbell he helped me make for a science project on electricity when I was in second grade. He helped my sister make a catapult and helped my brother with his roller coaster project.

My dad is a good man who has worked hard all of his life. He has gotten the short end of the stick, but he has never let that keep him down. He believes in hard work and treating people how you want to be treated. He has devoted himself to his wife and children and made them his whole life. I respect that in him and he will always be one of the most important and influential men in my life. Some of my most important memories in my life include him. From him saving his jury duty money for months (He was on the grand jury for 5 months) while he was unemployed so that I could have money for prom to stashing money aside when I got picked up for a DUI two summers ago "just in case" I needed extra money for court or a cab to get to and from work.

My dad is the reason I like big burly men with beards! He used to be big and burly and has always had a beard and I say how happy he made my mom and that helped form the qualities I look for in a husband.

I love my daddy and I hope that I get to give him the chance to be a great grandpa someday! I love you Poppy!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Tax Day


It's April 15th. This means :
~It's pay day
~It's tax day, so I had to pay $9.95 to file online and then another $26.00 to the state of Ohio for my taxes. The second job I had screwed me two years in a row
~My Cell Phone Bill is due
~My Car Payment is due
~My Cable Bill is Due
~My Electric Bill is Due

I had to put gas in my car AND give my apartment complex an extra check due to being a little short last pay when rent was due (not a normal thing for me…this was a rare occasion when something out of my control happened)
Sooo….add all of that up and I am left with a little over a hundred dollars to last me until NEXT pay and that's not counting the fact that I need stuff like shampoo and conditioner from the store and gas for my car until then. Then, my end of the month paycheck is even tighter than this one…

Ugh! I hate being an adult :(

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

My Daybook Entry #4

Today is...April 14th, 2010.

Outside My Window...

Sunny and in the mid 50's. Should top out at 68 degrees today. The Canadian Geese are out and about and nesting too. They are fun to watch sometimes.

I am Thinking...

About how I am wasting money on my apartment. I wish I could get out of my lease without the negative drawbacks on my credit. I am also thinking about all the work that still has to be pre-season starts on Saturday...I am excited, yet exhausted at the thought. I need to better balance time with friends and family and Bee this's going to be difficult because everyone is so busy!

I am thankful for...

The fact that my parents are hiring someone to scrape the rest of the wallpaper and paint their house so I don't have to do it :)

What I have learned this week...

If you live some place for 33 years and never move, you accumulate a lot of stuff! I also learned that I need to come up with a more productive way to express my feelings to the ones I need to express them to. Whining and crying is not working thus far and I hate that when I try to express my hurt/anger/frustration it comes out like that.

I am wearing...

Mudd Sandals, Jeans, White Tank, brown zip up Tommy Hoodie that I stole from an ex-boyfriend. Had he not been such a dick when we broke up, he would have gotten it back...

I am creating...

a running "To Do" list in my head..

I am going...

To get Bee on track this week if it kills me (yeah, we see how well that worked last week...) also, I am going to the first scrimmage of the season on Saturday. Yay Football! Oh, and in July, Bee, the kiddos, and I are going to Arizona to visit my aunts and the area for a week to see how we like it....I know I will like it. They had me at "350 days of sunshine a year and temps between 50-100 degrees" I am so down for sun and warmth...

I am reading...

"Two from Galilee" by Marjorie Holmes. GREAT book. I Have read it before. It's the love story of how Mary and Joseph fell in love, got married, and had Jesus and how they felt about the virgin birth and the reactions of friends and family..brings a tear to my eye. "The Shack" was awesome and I suggest it to anyone!

I am hoping...

To finish this entry, close out my browsers, and actually get alllll my work done at work today.

I am hearing...

The air vent above me humming as it forces out air.

Around the House...

Well, I cleaned the two most used rooms in the house this weekend. Now I just need to clean the dining room and mine and bee's room/bathroom. I have been coming in late this week to stay with the kids until they get on the bus. No babysitter because our babysitter got arrested and their car impounded for a missed court date. Yeah. Ghetto. Words. Can't. any rate, we are going to see about getting them into Latch Key at the should be cheaper than the babysitter, and more reliable. Bee is focusing and practicing hard for their big scrimmage this coming Saturday. I hope they do well. They really want a championship ring this season and with each passing year, they get closer and closer to it. Last year we made it to the 2nd of 3 rounds of playoffs...We can do it!

One of my Favorite things this week...

Was when Bee watched me as I ordered dinner last night. Then casually slipped his arm around me and whispered "You're pretty, and I love you."

A Few Plans this week...

Finish cleaning the house. Start sorting/donating/throwing away stuff. Scrimmage on Saturday. My BFF Rose is coming out to watch with me! I miss her face! Possibly more helping at mom and dad's...That's really about it. Trying to keep it low key and save some money...

A Picture Thought...
I am going to miss this view...

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

I want her!! She's Mine!

My brother is the daddy to one of the most precious little girls ever. My text inbox was filled with these little gems this afternoon. My niece is adorable and I want her!!

Tied for "cutest baby ever" is Aubrey, my brother's step daughter (Riding on the toy) And Riley, my cousin's little girl. Ah, I love babies!

A new day!

Hmm. Well, I got all of that out of my system now. Enough with messy houses, and the whining. I'm done. It's a new day :)

I Have always loved the look and smell of a garden. Flowers are pretty, hard to grow plants are impressive, but I always felt that if you were going to put forth the effort, that a fruit and vegetable garden is the way to go.

The last oh, 8 years or so, my mom and I talked about doing a garden at her house. She has plenty of space. The only down side would be their dogs. Well, mine and my sisters dogs. My mom had a herb garden once. MY dog ate all the herbs before we could use them. Apparently, she likes spices too. Another problem at my mom's house is that most of the soil is clay. Stuff doesn't really like to grow in clay. Well, weeds do but, that is something else all together.

When my mom and I went to Pascagoola, Mississippi two summers ago with our church for Katrina relief, we met a young man there who had a pot garden. No. Not marijuana. Pots. He had pots lined up in rows and he planted his veggies and herbs in them. They have lots of sand in their soil making it hard to grow a garden. It was one of those "DUH!" moments. So, when we got back, my mom got started right away. It was a little late in the season (We went at the end of June), but she was still able to grow a few things. She started in May last year and had pretty good success.

I wanted to grow a pot garden too, but at the time, I lived with my BFF Rose, and we lived in an apartment on the basement level so we did not have a patio. When I moved to my current apartment, I was overjoyed at the aspect of a patio! However, it was September and too late to start anything, but I vowed in the spring....well, in the spring I would be off without a hitch! Well, it's spring, and there's a hitch ha! I am never at my apartment. I am always at Bee's. He has PLENTY of space for a garden, but by the time I would get it all started, I would have to leave it :(

I asked him if when we get our new place, If I can have a spot to garden and he turned his nose and said "I am NOT gardening." Apparently "she" always wanted a garden and he always got stuck taking care of it. Whatever. I am not "her". In fact, I wouldn't want anyone to touch my garden, but me. When we get settled into our new place, wherever that might be, I will have a garden.

I want to start out small. Maybe a pot garden. Possibly 5 or 6 pots with green peppers, tomatoes, sun flowers, herbs, and onions. See how I do. If I succeed, then maybe the following year, I will clear out a small space. Perhaps 5 ft X 5 ft and try growing in the ground. We shall see. I would like to think I have a green thumb :)

More Importantly, I can't wait to eat the fresh fruits and veggies that will come from all my hard work!

Monday, April 12, 2010

It's Monday again. Boo.

Apparently, no one cares what I can do to pictures now. From the impression I got, it was old hat and I was the last one to jump aboard that train. Whatever.

I am in a mood today. I am not really sure what kind of mood we can call it. It's not a good one. It's not a horrible one either. It's a mixture of sadness, frustration, hurt, appreciation, and even a little happiness in there. It's life really. Life sucks. Well, wait. Life doesn't suck. It's just a sneaky bitch is all. Take this weekend for example...

I have been in a really good mood lately. Since, like, Valentines day when Bee and I got back together. Sure, I had my moments, but overall, I could say that generally speaking, I was in a good mood. Life was going my way. Any anger, frustration, sadness was all momentary and replaced with that good mood and happiness.

Then, this weekend. Not that this weekend was bad. It really wasn't! However, the stars aligned, my mood shifted, or something and I let all these tiny little things that, on any other given day, would not even cause me to bat an eyelash, piss me off and frustrate me to no end.

Friday night I left work and went out to Bee's. Might as well call it "home" because I am always there. I just have a really expensive storage unit. Anywho. I get out to his house. It's a mess. It needs to be cleaned. Badly. I know he wants to clean it. I know he wants to have it clean. However, it's the motivation to get it done he is lacking. I feel him on that and don't blame him. It's a bit overwhelming and he's tired. Bee works really hard at his job and it's a physically demanding job anyway.

He tells me that we can not go pick up his 16 year old who's weekend it is to come visit with us until 9pm because she has some Kingdom Hall thing (Yeah, she is a J.W. It's kind of a point of contention between those two..). So, we are just hanging out and relaxing. He is on the phone with one of the players from the football team. Then another, then another, then another. Then 25 min of me trying to tell him about something, only to get interrupted every thirty seconds by text messages from said coach he was just on the phone with. Then, as I am trying to finish up my sentence, the phone rings. It's another player. He answers it and I am cut off mid sentence. Now, this is the life of the girlfriend of a team owner. It's business. He has to answer these calls. He has to be available to his players. The season is about to start and they have a big scrimmage coming up the following weekend. I have been with him for a year now. I know this. I knew this getting into a relationship with him. Both times. 9 times out of 10, it really doesn't bother me. But this was that 1 out of 10 time that it did.

We get ready to leave and little man can't find a pair of clean pants. Bee and I go to help him and his room is a mess which frustrates Bee. He tells the kids that we, as in all four of us are going to clean on Saturday. Then he corrects himself because he will be gone all day Saturday. I jerk around and look at him because this is the first I am hearing of any of that. "Oh yeah, forgot to tell you baby, I have an all day coaches clinic at the college I have to go to." This upset me because I hate finding things out with the kids. I hate when he doesn't inform me of these things. It's not that he needs my permission. It's not that I had anything going on, per say, it's just this relationship is a partnership. We do things together. We discuss things together. We at least inform our partners of things in advance. I mean, I told him Wednesday that my mom and dad needed me to come out and help them with stuff at the house and that I was going to be gone most of Sunday. He apologizes. I accept. however I am still a little peeved because the house NEEDS to be cleaned. It needs to be sorted through. He has limited time to do all of this. It's not MY house. It's not MY things. I am wanting to do this for HIS benefit. But whatever. He offered to let me come to the clinic too. I declined. It would be a waste of $10.00. I would clean and have the kids clean their rooms.

We go have dinner at KFC right by his daughter's mom's house. I was interrupted another 4-5 times due to texts and phone calls, but the actual dinner part was nice. The four of us sat and ate together and had good conversation. In fact, the whole thing was sweet because Bee is not really a huge fan of KFC, but knew I was craving it, so that's why we stopped. Anyway, we got to his daughters house and waited for 40 min because she wasn't home yet. Then we got home and, as if people could sense that he was home and we were about to enjoy "winding down" time together, his phone starts blowing up again and he is on with the same coach from earlier for two hours. By the time he gets off the phone, I am exhausted. He is exhausted and being that he has to be up at 7am, we go to bed.

Saturday, we get up at 7am. We cuddle, we have some alone time, and then he gets up and gets ready to go. He walks out the door at 8am and that's when I start cleaning. I cleaned, and cleaned, and cleaned, and cleaned some more. I did 6 loads of laundry and at 2:30pm when he got home, I had only gotten the kitchen cleaned and most of the living room. I still have the Dining room and our bedroom and bathroom to do. However, what I did get done looks amazing. It's clean, and I scrubbed everything down with Lysol so I know it's clean and disinfected. I prefer bleach, but he didn't have any. I was frustrated with him and the kids. He has his little spot and he at least keeps his mess condensed to that spot. But, he doesn't get after the kids for their messes (I don't know if it's guilt because their mom isn't around, or if it's he's too tired, or just doesn't have the motivation for it). I mean, little man eats his cereal and most meals at the kitchen counter. In his spot, there was soooo much stuck food to the counter and floor, I had to scrub it, with a scrub brush....for a long time. I gave the kids a lecture about taking responsibility for their messes and their house. I don't know how well it worked.

Bee came home, made some rules about only eating in the kitchen at the kitchen table from now on. Remember to wash out your dishes because Monkee cleaned really well and we need to keep it that way blah blah blah...Then, even though I really needed to stay at the house and finish my cleaning, I was dog tired and I missed him, so I went to practice with him. Then afterwards, we got dinner and went home...where his phone blew up again and he spent the rest of the evening on the phone with various players, but mostly the same coach from Friday night.

After the kids ate and dispersed, I went in the kitchen to find they just up and left their food wrappers and drinks on the table. Dishes were in the sink even though the dishwasher was empty. My frustration built a little bit more. I should have yelled for them to come in and take care of it, but I was tired, I didn't want to be the "Bossy Step-Mom", and I figured they would half-ass it anyway because they are kids and half-assing it is all they know and I would just come up behind them and re-do it anyway, so I just cleaned it up. At least it was done to my standard.

Bee and I went to bed early again since we were up early and both tired. Sunday, he woke up at 8am. He tries to not stir too much and wake me, but I am a light sleeper when it comes to him and I woke up too. I finished folding all the laundry from Saturday, and then went out to my parents house where I spent the day cleaning, wrapping up break-ables in newspaper, and scraping wallpaper off of the walls. Side note: I will never own or be responsible for a house that has wallpaper in it. Ever. From this point on. I want to find the inventor of it, resurrect him (Like Jesus but a whole lot LESS Holy) and kill him again.

I was out at their house for 6 hours and I was tired, dirty, and itchy from wallpaper dust. I got on the road for home, relieved that I could wind down with my baby for the night before the work week started again. I text him to let him know I was on my way and he told me he was out with Tucker at Harry Buffalo and did I want to meet him there. I was slightly annoyed because he made it sound like he had been there for a bit and it was 7:45 at night...didn't he think I would be home soon? Shouldn't he have at least text me to let me know that he was out in case I just came home? I mean, I only text him because I saw something funny on the way out there. I didn't plan on texting him...oh well, maybe he was just waiting for the text to let him know where I was so he could invite me. Whatever. I felt kinda weird going to Harry Buffalo because, like I said, I was dirty, dusty, needed a shower, and had no bra on, but whatever. I met them, we ate, it was good, and I am glad I went.

I had to stop and get gas on the way home so, Bee and the kiddo's were already home when I got there. I walked in, first time since I had been gone all day and I see the two giant garbage bags sitting where I had left them. I had asked Bee yesterday before I left if he could please take them out to the trash cans for me because they were too heavy for me to lift. And oh yeah, I cleaned your house for you. He was on the phone. Again. With the same coach he had been on the phone with for the whole weekend. It's 9:45 at night. I have barely talked to him all day. They aren't even really talking about the team football. They are talking NFL football. I go to get a drink out of the kitchen, and it's a mess. There is kool-aide spilled on the counter and not cleaned up so now it's dried and sticky. There are three bowls in the sink. Not washed out with food stuck to them which is now hardened. A pot on the stove with crusty food in it. The package of noodles was empty and left on the counter. There were sticky glasses of kool-aide left on the counter and bowls and silverware left on the table. Bee is the the living room playing XBOX yukking it up with his new apparent BFF. I am tired. I am dirty. I spent my WHOLE weekend Cleaning. I feel like I haven't gotten two minutes alone with him to finish a sentence, and now the kitchen I just spent 4 hours cleaning is messy again. I know he spent most of his day, in his chair, playing xbox, letting the kids destroy the house. Not to mention, he left the fucking garbage bags out. I was done. Frustration level overflow.

I cleaned up the kitchen. Again. I was barely holding back tears of frustration when I went into the living room and declared the kitchen was a mess again. He kinda waived me off while talking about Tim Tebow. I sat down and started pouting while messing around on my laptop stewing. I was itching more now and my face felt like there was wallpaper dust all over it. He motioned for me to come sit next to him while he was on the phone. I told him I was going to shower. He seemed hurt. I didn't care. I went and took my shower, stewed some more. I got dressed in clean pj's and went back out into the living room where he was still on the phone. He motioned for me to sit next to him again. I did. He got off the phone and asked me what was the matter. I told him about the kitchen. He said he didn't know what was so bad about a few dishes. I told him what he couldn't see from just walking past it. He sympathized, but that was about it. The thing is, I don't mind taking on the role as domestic head of household. I like cleaning, cooking, doing laundry and all that jazz. But, I am NOT a maid. I worked hard cleaning and in less than 24 hours, had I not cleaned it back up, twice, it would have been destroyed again. That's not fair.

Then, he asked why I was upset. Now, the "old" me would have swallowed it down and said nothing and pasted a smile on my face. Letting him think I was fine and nothing was wrong while it was eating me up inside. I promised him and myself I would NOT do that this time. So, I told him I was frustrated and why I was. His phone ringing non-stop this weekend. Being cut-off mid sentence blah blah blah. And I am not good with any other emotions other than "Happiness", so they all come out in tears. Anger, sadness, frustration...and so cue the waterworks. He felt attacked. We fought. We fought for over an hour. He felt I was asking him to not be himself. Not give football his 100%. Not loving me as much as football. I felt he was being insensitive. Punishing me for doing what he asked of me, which was owning my feelings when I had them instead of letting them eat me up until it blows up into a huge fight.

I kept telling him that 9 times out of 10, his football stuff doesn't bother me. Honestly, it doesn't. I am proud of my guy and all he accomplishes. I am proud of the fact he is loved and respected by his team mates. They trust him and they look up to him. That makes me beam with pride that my baby is all of that...but sometimes...just sometimes...the sacrifice gets to me. I am not asking him to give it up. Not be himself. I was just asking that he at least acknowledge that there is a sacrifice on my part and that he does appreciate it. Now, don't get me wrong, he does do that, but sometimes you just need to hear it on your terms. He he looked at me when I expressed my feelings to him and said, "Yeah baby. I know. I'm sorry that you are feeling that way. You are a good egg" I would have felt 100000 times better and all would have been fine in that moment. But he reacted to my emotions and off we went.

We finally made it to bed around midnight. We argued a little more..but eventually made up. Truly accepted each others apologies...and even had a little giggle time like we do every night before bed. We went to sleep and today started like every other day.

He's over it. At least, he seemed like his normal lovey self with me this morning before work and when I talked to him on my way into work. He really probably is over it. Honestly, that is number 4058384 why I love that man. He is passionate and when we fight, he takes it personal. He is deeply affected by our fights. However, when he apologizes and accepts your apology, that's it. It's done in his mind and he moves on. Me? I am a natural neurotic, worrier. I am over it too. I honestly have accepted his apology. Yet, I worry. I worry he really isn't over it and is upset at me. Which is why I hate fighting. Which is why I tend to swallow any negative feelings I have in ANY relationship, be it family, friends, co-workers, and paste that permanent smile on my face and let everyone think everything is A-OK! I don't know why I am like that. I don't know why it literally causes me to lose sleep to think that someone, ANYONE, is mad at me.....

I hate fighting. I hate making the ones I love and care for upset. It makes me sad. And even after it's all said and done and they move on, I am left with a fight hangover....and that makes me sad. Yet, aren't I allowed to own my feelings? Even if sometimes (not saying this time they were or anything...but generally speaking) they are ridiculous?

My BFF Rose is right. I am Fucking Crazy....

Friday, April 9, 2010

Hey! Look what I can do!!!

I have been wanting to know how to do this for a very long time!!! I always just thought (and had been told) you needed Photoshop to do this cool effect. But, you can achieve it with Photobucket! Yay! A new Photo thingy to play with!