Thursday, March 31, 2011

And the mangos?!

One of my nutrition challenges this week was to go to the store and buy a fruit or a vegetable that I had never tried before. So, on Monday, when I was at Giant Eagle to get Little man's prescriptions, I took a gander in the produce section. Eh, I had at least tried everything there. Then I saw mango's. Now, I've had a mango in mango salsa or in a fruit cup, but never a fresh one from my own kitchen and I certainly had never bought one before. So, I bit the bullet. It had been sitting on my counter getting ripe for the last 3 days.

Another challenge, was that we had to find a new recipe and try it out. So, last night as I sat trying to plan what was going to be for dinner, I thought about those mango's. I also looked around at the site to find something to do with those. I didn't really find anything that spoke to me, but I did get a few ideas!

In the end, I came home and cut up chicken breast into cubes and grilled them in my grill pan with a little bit of olive oil. Then, I added a whole onion (in strips), a whole HUGE green bell pepper in strips, and my two mango's cut into cubes. I added a little bit of seasonings (salt, pepper, and this southwest spice I have) and put that over white rice.

Oh Em Gee, it was delicious! And, it was only 235 calories a serving! If you want my recipe, you can check it out here!

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Why does the grocery store stress me out?

The grocery store has long been my nemesis. I have always hated going. I dread it. I stress about it and I worry. Maybe it's because mama always made me go with her and we'd be there for hours, or maybe I just don't have the patience, but either way, I hate it. I love when Bee goes for me, but the only problem is, he never tells me he's going. He just comes home and triumphantly shows me his loot. The only problem is, he didn't get 3/4 of the things we need. At least he knows to always get bread and milk. We go through those like it's our job.

My biggest issues with the grocery store are what do I need?!, how much will it cost?! and Why God, why do there have to be people here?! I've never been good at lists. I write down what I need, then next thing you know, it's 16 pages long. Or I forget it at home. Or at work. I am also easily distracted by things that look yummy at the time. Or by products that advertise "NEW AND IMPROVED!". Then I get home, and I forgot the furken milk and bread, which was the reason for the trip in the first place. Which then leads to "How much will it cost?!"

If I am shopping with my bank card, I will say to myself "I want to spend no more than $100." Then, I get distracted, and next thing you know, I've spent $170. If I have Bee's card, I'll spend to the penny what he has told me to spend, using a calculator, but I stress the whole time "what if I go over?! what will I put back?!" Food is more expensive these days. Hell, it costs us between $50-$75 dollars to make lunches for 5 of us for a week! Well, I get cereal, and milk with that too. Maybe a bag of chicken, but still! That was even before I started this challenge. It costs more now because I need to eat fresh produce. Then the last one...

I hate crowds. I hate people in my way when I am trying to shop and are already stressed out. Either they move too fast, too slow, are oblivious that anyone is in the store besides them, or are parking their cart in front of what I need. If there are a LOT of people, I'll just walk out and come back later. Around Christmas, it actually reduced me to tears. More than once. On the same trip.

Ugh, and I have to face my cause of stress on my lunch break!

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

The Results are in!

Little Man has double ear infections. And a cough, albeit a dry one. The doctor gave him an antibiotic and cough syrup (prescription strength). He seems to be back to normal already. That includes annoying his sisters, and talking non-stop to make up for the non-stop sleeping he did yesterday.

However, while we were sitting at the doctor's office, Bee informed me that other than when he was a baby, and the time he took a header, on his bike, down the 16 steps of the deck at the old house when he was 4, Little Man has NEVER been to the doctors.


Listen, I'm all for old fashioned child rearing. Not making them purell their hands every 15 seconds (let the kids get germy. They are kids! It's how they build an immune system!), and letting them play in the dirt, and whatnot, but they NEED to see the doctor at least ONCE a year! I mean, I should (him too) see one too, but I am an adult and my growing has stopped. They NEED that wellness check-up.
I told Bee I am finding a Pediatrician and the kids are going to start going. I am also going to find US a doctor, and WE'RE going to start going too. His dad died at 47. My Grandma died early too...any issues, I'd rather catch early and be around for him and for the babies! Also, it took me 30 years to find my true love. I don't want to lose him early either! Besides, with me getting healthier, I look at his lifestyle choices and I cringe a little bit. He gets upset about his weight and how it's steadily gone up the last year or two, and when I try to offer some suggestions (try this! It's called a "Fruit"! This is what we call a "Vegetable!". "Come walk with me!" "Well, yes, there is more but...") he shrugs them off and says "I work out enough between work and football. I just need to not eat for 3 days. Then I'll be good." (what?! lol) Maybe he'll do better if someone with "MD" after their name tells him what is what.

On the flip side of things, my new choices are at least rubbing off on some people in my house! C and Little Man have been asking to walk with me at night. (They haven't gone with me yet because I haven't walked outside in a week due to the sucky weather). They have started carrying water bottles with water in them everywhere they go and sucking down the water like it was pop, and J and C even got work out videos from the library last night and did a half an hour work out! They have been asking for fruit instead of begging for the donuts, candy, and chips (not that I let them have that stuff before a whole lot) So, it looks like our grocery bill is going to go up a bit with all the fresh produce, but at least I know 4 of us will be healthy! :)

Monday, March 28, 2011

Spring Fevers

I have Little Man home from school today. Which means, I am home too :/ I am going to have no vacation time left by the time Christmas rolls around. Anyway, he's been complaining of an ear ache, but it hasn't been anything he's really fussed about until today. I went to wake him up and he was already awake. As soon as he saw me he burst into tears. He said he'd been up most of the night with his ear ache. He has been sniffly and snotty for the last week (ironically it all started up again after he played outside for 3 hours withOUT a coat after I told the kids they needed them and they asked their dad later after I was out of the room and he said it was ok to take them off) Anyway, So, I'm home. We are waiting for the doctor's office to open.

In other news, my brother is being a huge pain. He has some serious anger issues, abandonment issues, mental and emotional issues and he is taking them all out on us. My mom watched his daughter and her sister for Jessica (his ex) and he got so mad he blew up and disowned my family and removed us all from his facebook. Then, the next day, acted like nothing happened. He drives by Jessica's house at all hours, and now my mom and dad's. He's paranoid (I'm sure the coke isn't helping...) and I'm sick of all the drama. The severe mood swings. I am worried about Jessica and the babies. Ugh.

In the 100 days till Summer Challenge front, I am down another1.8 pounds. I knew it would be a smaller loss because of such a big loss last week, but I figured at least 5 pounds! Ha! It's ok though, I am sure I built some muscle and it does weigh more and a loss is a loss. I am still staying within my numbers, but I am struggling to get all my carbs in. I end the day at the top of my calorie range because I am trying to get in enough carbs. It's a little frustrating, but I'll figure something out. :)

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

I'm feeling Snitchy today

Work has been kind of eh, as of late. I don't like drama, I don't like uncomfortableness. I don't like tense situations. Work has been all three lately. Back in August, I was moved over to be with the "other" assistants. I didn't really mind all that much, because other than having a bigger desk, I missed the fact that there was no interaction. I felt left out.
Now, there is one girl in the office that has never liked me. Not too sure why. She's kinda snitchy to everyone, so no one really likes her. Anyway, I 've become tight with the other girls and she hates me even more, and resents them, because she wants to be part of the group too. We've tried, but she's just a bitch. She's also a huge kiss ass. Some days, the sound of it makes my ears bleed. Well, it finally paid off for her. She was promoted (it wasn't called that. Evil Boss called it "we created a position for her.") and they started the interview process for a new person to replace snitchy girl.

No one wants her new job. Really. It's just how they went about it. I like to keep peace by nature, and I am not a mean person, nor do I like being one. So, I hear the venting from everyone (I'm included in that too), and then, at the same time, I feel kind of bad because there is a total separation in the office now. It's almost palatable. Snitchy girl, well....I kind of feel bad for her. NO ONE talks to her anymore, and she has been soo much less snitchy since her "promotion". No one will talk to her. No one will sit with her at lunch. They all talk about her (myself included..) behind her back. I feel bad...then she says something totally snitchy, and I want to punch her in her face.

I guess I just remember being new, and only Evil boss and my boss would talk to me (Evil boss wasn't evil then). So, I associated with them. I went to lunch with them. We chit chatted a lot. My desk was over by their offices, so we were a "crew". The other girls disliked me because they thought I was a kiss ass too...and I wasn't. Just, they were the only ones that talked to me.

Anyway, they new girl started today. She seems nice, but because she is new and under the thumb of evil boss and snitchy, she is still being seen as a threat. Ugh! Office Politics are lame.

In other news, my diet is going good. However, the last two days I haven't gotten enough calories in, or carbs, or fat, or protein. Which is a total foreign concept to me, but alas, it still can be an issue if it keeps going on. The funny thing is, I had a 45 minute war with myself yesterday afternoon about shoving the 6 rolos in my desk drawer down my pie hole. I NEED chocolate. I want it badly! But, it's not on I fought. I went back and forth back and forth. I tried drinking more water, going for a walk, running down and up the stars once, I ate my carrots begrudgingly still wanting rolos. I ended up winning out and ran out the door at 5pm with rolos still in tact in my drawer. Then, after I was stuffed to the point it almost hurt later that evening and I was 150 calories, 18 fat grams, 95 carbs, and 16 protein short for the day I thought, "Well, hell. I could have eaten the rolos and still been fine." Ha!

Today, I brought more fruit. I also wore my tightest pair of jeans (I have other jeans, that don't even fit) today and while they are snug, they are not a second skin anymore ;)

Monday, March 21, 2011

What's on my mind

~ I used to live closer to Cleveland than I do now. When I did, I lived in Cuyahoga County [kuh-eye-a-hog-ah]. Starting last year, well scratch that, starting in July of 2009, there was a HUGE to-do about one of the commissioners and corruption charges. Then, everyone (the media, and other government officials trying to cover their own asses) jumped in and started pointing fingers at why this went on so long. Pretty soon, there was a witch hunt going on and pretty much anyone who had ever talked to, or knew of the commissioner and worked in government, or knew someone who did, was indicted. I knew a cop who got canned for a offense that normally would have been at worst, a 2 day suspension, but because of the spotlight, he was let go. I just found out this morning that a friend of mine's sister just got indicted and is looking at a $250K fine and up to 5 years in federal prison. She plead guilty. On the other hand, the judge who was on my Jury Duty Case in May last year got indicted today too. He plead Not Guilty, and he is looking at 20 years if convicted. Poor guy. They got a HORRIBLE booking photo of him too.

~Bee's 41st Birthday was on Sunday. We kept it low key. For two reasons, one that's how he likes it, and two, we're strapped for cash right now. But, I made him his favorite meal (fried cabbage and noodles with bacon) and he got home made cookies (peanut blossoms, and I ran out of eggs so I substituted a banana, and OMG, I'll never use eggs again for those cookies) and then I made a cake for dessert last night.

~ Well, after week one on my 100 Days Till Summer Challenge my results are:
1900+ calories burned
10.5 Miles walked
Every day (except for Monday, when I didn't know what I was doing) I hit my fiber goal, stayed in my calorie range, stayed in my fat range (except for yesterday...I went a little over due to the bacon)
64 oz + water drank a day
5 + servings of Veggies/Fruits a day

and my weigh in day was yesterday and all of the above resulted in 10.6 pounds lost!!!

I am so freaking excited! I had to laugh though because we are supposed to set goals and rewards for goals achieved. If I remembered to take my vitamins daily (which I did), I get one new song for my ipod. If I hit my fiber goal, (which I did) I get two songs for my ipod. If I stay in my calorie range I get a glass of wine on Saturday. If I lose 5 pounds, I get a pedicure, and 10 pounds - a new pair of jeans. Yeah, in one week, I owe myself all of that! Now, time to kick week two's butt!

~ I don't think I will ever have money again. Bee had his check garnished starting the day AFTER we signed our lease back in July. A credit card the lovely ex ran up and since his name is on it and he got all the debt in the divorce, it's his (and mine now too) problem. Anyway, it's been tight at our house. I'm used to tight, so it was no big change for me, but Bee was not. Neither were the kids. Anyway, we got into a rhythm and have survived. His garnishment should be over in 2 weeks. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! Which, is good, because it has been a tighter than usual month with our quarterly bills due (water/trash) and our first TV bill was due, add on top of that, Bee had to get tags for his truck and the bike and renew his license. Even though there wasn't going to be enough money to go around, I just closed my eyes and chanted "Two more weeks...two more weeks..I can get creative and re-arrange for two more weeks". Then, the DMV refused to renew Bee's License..which expired that night at midnight, and oh by the way, he drives for a living. They said the State of North Carolina had a block on his renewal and that he had to get them to release it first. They are closed on the weekends. Of course. By the way, he hasn't lived there since 1989 and he didn't even have a license then. As it turns out, he had a ticket, for something, and he needed to show up in court. He didn't. So, they got him with failure to appear. He claims he called them two days later, went down and paid it and took care of it. 22 years later, they disagree. Do any of YOU have a receipt for a ticket you paid 22 years ago? Yeah, him neither, so it's he said/they said, and the State always wins. They need $371.00 Fed Ex'd in a money order (because they don't take credit cards over the phone, or personal checks) and it's out of state, so it will take another 48 hours to process. THEN, he has to pay the North Carolina DMV $50 to lift the block, and then go get his license renewed, which will be another $25. Did I also mention he HAS NO LICENSE until then? Oh yeah, and The gas/electric/cable bills are all due, like, right fact, they are overdue. Rent is due in a week too. Effing great.

~My Brother is being a real piece of work right now too. Disappearing for several days not contacting anyone, not returning calls, telling his friend who he is staying with (and his friends family) he'll be back in a few hours, and not returning for days. He is using drugs (we suspect), fighting and terrorizing his ex like crazy. Threatening her, threatening to harm himself. I just don't know what happened to him. I don't know why he is like that. I said a prayer for him for peace and strength yesterday at church, then nailed it to the Lenten cross. I'm trying my hardest to let God look out for him.

Friday, March 18, 2011

St. Patricks Day 2011

I promise you, the picture above with me and Bee I was NOT high....or drunk. I was about to blink :)

St. Patty's day 2011 was a success. An anti-climatic success. HA!

BFF Rose, in the last 7 years I have known her, has ALWAYS wanted to see the parade. She had never been, and each year she'd try, and something would come up and c-block her from being able to go, so this year, she made sure she was going to be there. She came out Wednesday night and spent the night so she could ride with us in case she had too much to drink. I got up at 6:30am, got the kids up and out the door, then came home and us grown ups had breakfast. I made us a healthy breakfast, because I'm trying to stay on my "program" and all :)

We got downtown around noon, and even though I pee'd before we left, between Bee's unusual CRAZY driving, and all the traffic, I had to pee something fierce when we finally parked. It was packed down there because the weather was so nice. None of the stores or business along the way would let me use their restroom, and the bars/restaurants that were open, had HUGE snaking lines and a cover charge to get in. We finally arrived at Fat Fish Blue (restaurant/bar where we were going to spend our time) and there was only 2 people in line. Awesome! So, we jumped in line, and the 16 (drunk) kid in front of us approached the door man and found out about the $3 cover, he started hemming and hawing about if he wanted to go inside. Then, 6 of his (drunk) friends rushed in, pushed us out of the way, and they all started discussing weather or not they were going to go inside. At this point, I am almost in tears and mad as hell after fighting my way through the crowds of drunk people to get there. I walked up to him and said "LISTEN! If you can't figure out what the HELL you are going to do, MOVE ASIDE! WE know that WE want to go inside! Let US pay our money, so we can get inside!" He said, "Jeez! Ok!" and paid his money. The door man apologized to me, and I said I was sorry, but I had to PEE! He laughed and let me in while Bee paid and got my wrist band.

We had a beer, and chatted for a bit, then headed out to the parade. Bee and I would have been happy to eat and just stay there, but BFF Rose wanted to see the parade! So, off we went. I saw slutty girls, slutty girls in heels 4" high, I saw slutty girls in 4" high heels and skirts so poofy and short you could see their hind ends and green thongs. I saw said girls (who I doubt were even 21) falling, falling and puking, or puking and peeing in the ally. It was good times. I don't understand why people think it's ok to bring their kids. I wouldn't want my three to see that stuff. About halfway through the parade, BFF Rose looked at me and said "This is boring! Is this all it is? There are no ballons and floats a la Macy's Day! No people throwing beads or candy. It's lame and I am hungry" I told her St. Patt's parade is just the excuse they give for people to be there drunk and partying. We headed back to the bar and had lunch, 2 more beers, a shot, and went home.

Bee went to practice, BFF Rose and I went on a walk to enjoy the beautiful weather, and then we came home and hung out. After she left, I did a mile walking video, and dyed my hair. I was soooo exhausted by the time I was done, I barely was able to get into bed. Needless to day I didn't move all night. In fact, I even slept in today.

I WAS proud of myself yesterday for the following reasons:

-I ate a healthy breakfast
-I managed to get all of my water in for the day
-I hit my fiber goal
-My nutrition numbers all were in range and I even had calories LEFT OVER! (This is after splurging!)
-I got 3 miles in yesterday!
-My exercise was the most it's been on 3 days and my Calories were the least they've been!

I hope ya'lls day was just as good! 

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Updates and other such nonsense.

While I have posted over the last several days, I feel like it's been forever since I've discussed the general going-on's at the Monkee-Bee homestead.

Maybe you don't care....

Maybe I don't care that you don't care, and think maybe you should suck it, fancy,  but, with love :)

Things are putting along, but I can feel us gearing up for our very busy Spring/Summer. Honestly, I am ok with that. While winter has been relaxing, and deservedly so, it's been bor-ing as of late. I am actually getting antsy and last weekend I was feeling so stir-crazy, I told Bee I was going to have to go somewhere and soon! Luckily, our friends the Jones' came over, and Miss T and I took a trip up to the local antiques co-op to look around just to get out for a little bit.

Anyway, Bee is getting to the point where they will be moving from conditioning practices to pre-season practices, so that means 3 days a week he will be at practice. I am doing the 100 day challenge with the lovely ladies (and one gentleman) over at Rants From Mommyland , So I have been trying to get all my nutrition goals met as well as my fitness ones. The weather is turning nice and it's staying daylight longer, so the kids have been able to play a little bit outside. Thankfully, the snow is melting. I would suspect it will be all gone by tomorrow night, what with the 60 degrees and sunshine we are supposed to have. Next week is going to be mild as well, with any precipitation being on the rain variety!

As for tonight, BFF Rose is going to be coming out to join us for the evening. Us grown people are heading downtown for St. Patty's day! BFF Rose has NEVER gotten to go downtown for the celebration before, so we are pretty excited. Bee or I will drive, and that way I know she will be safe and not driving :) I fully expect to take lots of pictures, and probably post them here. Ha! I am slightly bummed because it IS supposed to be 60, Bee wanted to take the Bike, and I am itchin to get on it too, but I promised BFF Rose to let her ride with us and 3 people on a motorcycle ain't happening :) Another bonus this year, is that we don't have to rush home. J will be home with the kids, unlike last year we had to beat the school bus home. Good times :)

As far as family goes, we are all doing well. The kids have been grounded the last two days due to, what else, lack of ability to "remember" to do our chores. I think Bee and I both agree that we get off of punishment too, because now they can go outside! ha! My parents are doing good too. In fact, I just went to see them on Sunday for a bit. I missed them! I even gave Poppy a hair cut :) My brother is still being a pain in the ass, but what are ya gonna do?

That's about it! Until tomorrow!

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

100 days until summer CHALLENGE

I read the blog Rants From Mommy Land every day and laugh, and steal their words for things (t-box anyone?) and in general, LOVE.THEIR.BLOG! Until they notified us that as of yesterday, there were 100 days until summer. That's one hundred days until shorts, tshirts, bathing suits, and less clothing in general become the norm.


Yeah, as much as I love summer and all of it's summery goodness, I do not exactly love my body. I mean, I used to be almost 400 pounds, so I'll take my current body any day of the week. I also would like to point out I am happy with myself. Bee thinks I'm sexy, and 76% of the time, I do too. If I never lost another pound, then I would be content. But, that's just it. I'm content. I still have, according to my doctors charts, 41 more pounds to lose. Bee seems to think I might look a little sickly at that size. I think we'll see how it goes. Ha!

ANYWAY, so I decided to join up with the lovely snitches over at Rants and take their challenge! It required me to join a website called, which is free, and awesome I might add, and there are 5 teams to "compete" on. You can be on one, two, or however many you want. Each week there are challenges and if you complete your challenge, you get points. Whoever has the most points at the end of 100 days wins. Not sure what, I mean, other than a smaller ass ;) I thought it was a GREAT motivational idea. The website has message boards for chatting and support, there are meal plans, recipes, and fitness and nutrition trackers so you can see where you are at and where you need to be!

Bee agreed to join with me. We are going to have a little friendly competition and see who does better ;) We are on the Nutrition team, which will challenge us to eat better, and more responsibly, and the Cardio team, which will motivate us to get our exercise in! I can tell you already, it's going to be rough. But, it's do-able. I figured, I would use my blog as a way to keep track, keep accountable, and maybe motivate others :) I will only dedicate maybe a post a week or two. I won't bore those who really don't care, I promise :)

So, without further ado:

Week 1: Starting Weight 214 lbs (shhh!)

Cardio: Walk/Run 7 miles in 7 days (can be all at once or one mile a day, 300 total jumping jacks (over the 7 days), Dancing 90 minutes total over the 7 days, Coach Nicole's 10 minute cardio kickboxing twice over the 7 days, and Coach Nicole's 10 minute Jump Start Video twice over the seven days (videos found on the website)

If I do all this over the week, I get 5 points

Nutrition Week 1: Track your food every day, Eat Five additional servings of Fruits or Veggies, Read one Nutrition article or blog post, Eat 20g of fiber, Drink 64 oz of water a day

If I do all this over the week, I get 5 points.
I can do it!!

So far, I am on track mostly with my nutrition goals. I have got my water in yesterday and today. I need my fiber and veggies/fruits! I have already read my article and I have been tracking my food so far! As far as my cardio goals, I haven't started yet :( However I am excited to! In my defense, I didn't get my verification code until last night around 10pm so I couldn't access my mail on the site and therefore didn't know what the goals were! However, I plan on walking tonight and doing some jumping jacks (where no one can see haha!). Depending on the time, and how I feel, I might get one of my videos in too!

Here's to losing my last 41 lbs and getting healthier! Oh, and kicking Bee's butt! ;)

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Winter Storm #57

Good grief, Charlie Brown! Last week was filled with mild temperatures, flooding, and sunshine. I think the coldest day we saw was 35 degrees. Then, Thursday afternoon it started snowing and didn't stop until Friday afternoon. When I got up Friday morning, the kids were off from school due to the weather. When I went to leave, I quickly realized I wasn't going anywhere fast.

The back door had so much wet, heavy snow in front of it, it wouldn't open. I tried to go out the front, and that wasn't much better. I had to shimmy my way out, only to not be able to see 15 feet in front of me, snow up to my knees, and my car was completely buried. I couldn't even get the garage door open to get a shovel or to the snow blower. So, back inside I went.

Bee came home and dug us out. What a good guy :) Today it's 45 degrees and everything is melting. The snow ontop of the netting over our pond got so heavy, it ripped the net, causing it to half collapse. I will have to wait until it melts before I can get a better look at the thing...

Hopefully this will be the last of it.... :/

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Open Mouth, Insert Foot

Ok, so I text. A lot. It's what helps get me through my day. Seriously, if I didn't have the Internet and my phone, I would die of boredom at work. There is not enough to do, at least for me, to keep my occupied. My work gets done, no doubt about it, but there is lots of down time. So, I check in with friends, or facebook or whatever.

My phone has this neat little ability to show you, when you hit "send" on a message, your last five texters (unless you hit "reply"). On more than one occasion, I have sent a text message in my blur of texting fingers, to the wrong person. Wouldn't be horrible, except I am usually talking about the person I accidentally sent it to. Now, when I say "talking about" them, I literally mean that. It's usually nothing life shattering and it's never anything vicious, but sometimes, it could be hurtful. Even if I am saying it in a playful way and meaning it in a playful way.

Two people I text the most are BFF Rose and Bee. SEVERAL times I have sent texts to Bee that were supposed to go to BFF Rose. Yeeeeeeahhh....Now, I don't really ever "talk bad" about Bee, so it's not life shattering, but I have said things in a straight forward, harsher way when talking to BFF Rose, than I would have if it were Bee. I also might have poked a little fun at him once or twice to her and it ended up going to him instead.

Today, we were having a discussion about an ex of mine and I said some harsh things. Things I would probably have no trouble saying to him directly, if he ever slimed out of the current hole he was in regarding me being prettier than his ex'es/past conquests and how it's not hard because my bathroom sponge looks better. Catty, I know. However, the text went to Bee instead of BFF Rose and well, he thought I was referring to him....especially since I have made no secret about his ex'es being um..let's just say unattractive,  and I think he was hurt.

I immediately laughed it off when he text me back to let me know, and informed him of the conversation and how it came to that point, and his response was "" So, I think he believes me (I hope so! Because for once, it wasn't him lol!) and then, the guilt set it.

I was being catty, rude, and snotty. At the expense of someone else. Sure, it WAS at an ex, who is a d-bag, but I am told by God to turn the other cheek, not to gossip, or spread rumors...and on top of it, if even for a minute (hopefully) my baby, whom I love more than anyone or anything, thought it was about him..and that makes my stomach turn.

If anything, this is a lesson in not gossiping or making rude comments about never know who may be listening...(or who your fat finger will send it to...)

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

It's a rainy day, It's a rainy day....

"I wish that I could go out to play..."

Ha, every time it rains, I think of that little song from Sesame Street and then I think of my mom. Who still sings it, to this day, every time it rains.

I really do want to go out any play though. It's been a long cold winter. I am a fan of my house, and like hanging out there, but I would rather do it outside, or at least with the windows open. It's about this time of year that the idea of the air just recirculating in my house drives me batty. I have even been known to crack a window when the mercury starts to hover around 50.

To me, there is nothing better than a lazy summer day. I would spend that day outside basking in the sun, gardening. Gardening is something I have never done, but in the quest for something that I can be good at, I am going to give it a whirl this year. After playing in the dirt, I would walk three houses over and take a swim with my friends in their pool. Then, crack open a cold one and lay in the sun. When that got too hot, I'd jump back in the water. If my friends weren't home, I'd drive the 1/4 mile to the beach and lay out there. After my nap, I'd come home and put some burgers, or even better, STEAK on the grill and then we would eat outside on the deck. Later, we would move the party to the front porch where there is a nice porch swing and some shade and enjoy a few cold ones while watching the sun set.

I miss summer. It's so beautiful in my little town in the summer.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

I need to learn to keep my mouth shut...

I have this thing about me. I tend to think everyone is like me. I tend to think that they think just like me.

They don't.

Most people, including family members, don't get my situation. They don't understand. Very few people do. The ones that do, either are living almost the same exact situation, or they just love me enough to have not judged it long enough to begin to see it for what it is. A complicated, webby mess? Sure. Bad? No more so than any other situation.

They mean well. They either care deeply for me, or they are just good humans by nature and want to offer help or sage advice to wayward souls, lost along the way. Problem is, I am not wayward. Nor am I lost, thankyouverymuch, and as odd as it may seem to you, I am happy and right where I want to be.

The first part of the story most people can't seem to swallow is why. Why would I, a 30 year old woman, who has never been married, and never had kids, and wants both very much, want to spend my time even casually dating, let a lone living with, a 41 year old man and his full time, live in children who have, for the most part, absentee moms. Then, throw in the fact that he is "obsessed" (I prefer the term "passionate) with xbox and football, and therefore lacks the passion to clean the house, do laundry, make home made meals, spend obscene amounts of time at the park/rink/backyard/library with the kids doing whatever is they want to do, on top of working 40+ hours a week at a very labor intensive job.

The next question, while still not understanding the first, is always "How come?" How come you "allow" him to play football? How come you "allow" him to play Xbox? How come you are taking off work because the kids are sick? How come you clean his house, make his dinner? Take care of his kids? How come? How Come? How Come?!

God forbid, I ever lose my schmidt and complain for 15 seconds about something that happened at home, and it's "I don't know why you even stay." Or, "How can you put up with that?!" "He should be kissing your feet, for all that you do"

Here's the thing. I know these people are trying to be helpful. I know they are trying to be my "friend", or "Look out for my best interest" but really? You do not know my situation. You are not living my life. While I might have said that I was tired because Little Man was up coughing all night, that does not open the door for you to criticize my life.

I do not have to answer to anyone but God, but for those who must know...

"Why?" Why? Well, why do you love your husband? That's the same reason I love mine. I may not have a ring, yet....but it's coming, and it will come when the time is right. Until then, I choose to be with him. He makes me happy, my soul smile, and my world a better place. He gets me. He knows when to encourage me, when to cut me some slack, when to tell me to sack up and be a man, and when to just hold me. He laughs at my stupid jokes and shares my dark/weird/gross/immature/lame sense of humor. He makes me feel loved, valued, special, and worthy. He is my best friend and I can truly be me around him and he wouldn't think any less of me. Do I want to strangle the life force from his very body sometimes? Sure. Does he anger me, frustrate me, confuse me, antagonize me, and push me to my very limits sometimes? Yes, but that's all a part of loving someone. You can't appreciate the ups without the downs. He also has three kids. Those three kids have absentee d-bag mommies for the most part. Loving him, also means loving his kids. Living with him, also means pulling mommy duty, but without the actual title or "respect". I knew that going in. I wouldn't have it any other way.

How Come? Well, that's none of your business really. Listen, everyone has a "love language". It's the language in which you prefer to have love expressed to you. Sure, we say it 17 times a day, and no doubt mean it, but sometimes it goes deeper than that. Plus, I was raised to believe that men and woman, while equal in most parts of life, have clearly defined gender roles. Plus, there are some things you have to just pick your battles about. Yes, I cook, clean, do laundry for everyone, make lunches, keep our schedules, and take time off when the kids are sick. But if we waited around for Bee to cook, we'd starve or be 1345894 lbs because we'd eat fast food all the time...again. If I let Bee worry about cleaning, our new house would look like his old one. Not because he likes to live like a pig, but because cleaning is just low on his priority list. He will wash you clothes every day if you need him to, but remembering to take them out of the dryer, fold them, and put them away? It doesn't register in his brain. Same thing with lunches and keeping schedules. He can't remember what he did yesterday, let along which kid has what appointment next week. Once again, I ask you, do your Husbands/boyfriends do all of this? Or is it you. Yeah, I'm betting it's you. As for taking time off when his kids are sick, he would do it, but he does not get paid for time he takes off. Since he makes double what I do, it's important he brings home all his money. I get paid time off.

Football and Xbox are another hot button with most people. He is a grown man. I don't "allow" or "not allow" him to do anything. He does what he wants, just as I do want I want. The key is, we respect each other. Football is his passion. He loves it. I guarantee that if you spent 15 minutes with this man, you will walk away with at least an appreciation of the game too. It makes him happy, it makes him feel like he is a part of something bigger than him. He gets his male bonding in, his testosterone pumping, and gets his aggressions out. It makes him happy. If he were a skilled pianist, would you judge him for playing the piano? His games/practice are also something we, as in his family, can be a part of, and support him in, so we get to be involved too. Why do you go watch your kids play in 12 degree weather? Because supporting them and seeing the enjoyment in their eyes is worth it. Same thing here. Besides, Thursdays and Sunday's when he's gone, I know exactly where he is (Not that there is an issue with that...) and on Saturday nights, instead of being at home while he is out with the boys at a strip club or where ever, I am watching and cheering him on from the stands. He's a happy guy when he's playing football and I like a happy guy. Same thing with Xbox. I can do what I need to do around the house and he is content. It's how he relaxes. He does xbox, I do wine and facebook.

It's called living in a partnership. Sure, I do all those "wifely" things. More than most women, granted. I am proud to do it. Plus, I am a control freak and we all know if we let them do it, it wouldn't get done, or at least not the right way, to my crazy standards. Why fight, yell and scream, and get my panties in a bunch trying to make them do it, when I can do it myself and save the frustration? Besides, while I do what it is that I do, Bee has his own jobs. He takes care of the vehicles. That means, gas, oil, transmission fluid, brake fluid, windshield wiper fluid, windshield wipers, tires, and anything else to do with 2-4 wheels and a motor. He is responsible for making sure the snow is cleared, the sidewalks too, and salted. In the spring/summer he is on lawn and gutter duty. He is also animal/critter/bug dispatcher. He can be in the middle of a game and winning, but if he hears me scream "SPIDER!", it's his job to come find me and kill it. He also grocery shops because mama can't handle that kind of stress.  It's how we show our love for each other. If I had a ring on my finger, or if I had a ring and the kids came from my hoo-hah, no one would question it. EVER. Because, that is just what you do. But because we are not, and the kids aren't mine, I'm a door-mat and he's a lazy, good for nothing man who is taking advantage. It all kind of makes me sad, because that is so not the case.

Maybe I just need to learn to keep my mouth shut and not share any "personal" information about my life to anyone but those I know "get it".....

Monday, March 7, 2011

Happy 1st birthday to....

ME!!! It's my Bloggy birthday! I started ye olde Blog exactly one year ago today! I didn't know where I'd go with it, but here I am, one year later! I have to say that for the most part, I am happy with the blog. I'd like to refine my writing a bit, but overall, not too shabby! :)

For the most part, this blog is exactly what I wanted it to be. A diary of my thoughts and emotions, bad and good, a timeline, a scrapbook, and a history of events in my new life. I can see, just from going back how much I have grown and changed in the last year. How I have become more secure in some things, and how other still burn my biscuits or get me going. I went from being completely anonymous, to letting out some of my identity. Really, at this point, I don't care who finds this blog. I am finally secure enough in myself, that it doesn't really matter. This blog is me. It's my feelings. It's how I see things. As for those who might use any information from this blog to try and sabotage my relationship, we are past the point of that having any effect. At one time, I was afraid that someone, namely the Grandparents Of the Year, could use information from here to try to take custody from Bee. But, then I learned some family law and realized we'd have to have the kids in cages with no food and water for extended periods of time for them to even have a snowballs chance...and really, anyone can tell from the pictures here and the stories of our lives that these kids are well loved and well taken care of.

Moving on, I have enjoyed blogging. Even when I have nothing to say, I enjoy the outlet. I enjoy looking back, even now, on the previous posts. I can't wait when I celebrate my 5 year post, and look back then. Hopefully, there will be posts with pictures from my wedding and from the birth of my first child. Who knows! A lot can happen in a year!

Some of my favorites from the last year are:

Reflecting on why alarm clocks after kids is not important
My Dance with a spider
My Special Day with the kids
The Day I got the Best news!
Our First Family "Vacation"
Ultimate Fighting!
The Hard work was done

Friday, March 4, 2011

An open Letter

Dear Mr. President,
What the Hell, man?! YES WE CAN! "Yes we can" what? Go broke trying to just go to work to feed our families? I'm not trying to road trip to a kegger at Hilton Head, I just want to go to work. How can I be thankful for the job I have in this tough economy, when I am spending my paycheck on my gas tank? Here's an Idea. Why don't you stop spending millions of dollars in tax money on fuel and staff for Air Force One, and oh, I don't know, STAY HOME for like 2 days in a row. You have a giant house that has like 400 bedrooms, invite people to your pad once in awhile.
Why don't you fix THIS, instead of worrying out our space program. Why don't you help a brutha or sista out, instead of worrying about Lybia, Hatti, Egypt, or Saudi Arabia. How about, instead of beating that dead horse we call "Heath Care", why don't you FIX the GAS situation. I'm not going to give a rats ass about my medical bills, if I can't even afford to DRIVE to the doctor's office.  
What happened to "alternate fuel" sources? Here's an idea. Instead of telling ME to go buy a Prius, why don't you do something about making them affordable to "normal" Americans like myself. I do not have your budget. I can not afford a $35,000.00+ car that seats 2 and a half. I have a family of 5. We play sports. We like to leave our house as a family unit on occasion. 
I know you can prattle on about "What about George Bush. He didn't do much to help!" Listen, he is not in charge anymore. You can not use him as a scapegoat anymore. You are trying for a second term and I have YET to see you do anything...let alone anything that has impressed me. YOU are in charge, not big oil. FIX THIS!
A concerned, law abiding, tax paying, citizen. (AKA: YOUR BOSS)

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Thursday 13

Because I'm sick, damn it!

1. I am on what feels like day 109 of this God forsaken sickness. Just when I get to the point in the day when I start to feel like maybe I am on the road to recovery, I start to feel crappy again. Ugh!

2. Sick or not, I am having my Girls Night Out tomorrow. Miss A. has Friday nights free every other Friday. As of late, we have been taking turns coming out to see each other. We usually do dinner, then back to the "host" 's house for a glass or two of wine. The past couple of times it's worked out to where Bee had something going on that night too, so I didn't feel guilty leaving him, and yet, he was occupied and so was I. It also makes me feel like I have something that's my own activity without him. Makes me feel like I'm my own person. Not, that being with him isn't great, because it is! However, I moved an hour away from everything and everyone I knew to be with him and help him raise his kids. I lost myself a little bit becoming so absorbed into his life. Not a bad thing, but I do need a few things to be "monkee" things only..if for no other reason than my sanity ;)

3. Work is going to drive me to drink. Between trying to implement a new system and having to "double entry" everything, to having the "bond Nazi" email you to death if you forgot (or in my case, ran out of time) to double enter stuff. Also, sometimes workin here feels like I'm back in Jr. High. There was an incident today at lunch. Someone was upset that someone else (who has full rights to be there, just like anyone) was sitting at the table they always sit at. There was a hissy fit, some whining, and some complaining. Good grief, Charlie Brown.

4.  Being  sick, I have lost the energy to care....about anything. Shoes by the door when I walk in? Whatever. Dishes left on the table? Who cares! Coffee? I'll the the whole pot! Vitamins? Who needs those? Little man "sneaking" the fact that he has worn the same outfit or a slight variation of said outfit to school 4 days in a row? NO BIG DEAL! Dinner? On your own, folks! Leaving the house looking like death? Sign me up! At least I shower and brush my teeth...

5. My Niece turned one yesterday. Her party is Sunday. I was invited, but I am not going. My reason is that I am sick. But, that just happens to be a coincidence. The real reason is that the mother and my brother are no longer together. It has been a messy couple of weeks. While I LOVE my brother, he is clearly being the Jackhole in the situation. I don't know why the split, or who's "fault" it was, but HE is the one acting like a 5 year old. He was even invited to the party, up until about a day or so ago when he caused a big scene which caused her father to step in and remove my niece from between them because they were having a tugging match on her carrier with her in it. If I was well, I feel like going to the party at her house (my mom is having one at her house for my brother and our friends and family) that I would be seen as "taking sides". I DID email Jessica and tell her I will always consider her as family and her other daughter my niece as well and to let me know if she needed anything ever.

6. Speaking of my brother. He always lashes out at me when he's angry about anything. Why? because that's how he deals with anger/sadness/frustration and he knows that of everyone, I will stick around. Maybe it's being an enabler...maybe it's being a good sister. I don't know. But it's getting tiresome. He hates Bee (he's met him twice), he hates that I moved away, he thinks Bee doesn't really love me or care for me (like I said, met him twice), and he thinks I am "blind". This time around, I don't know how long I will take his abuse. I love my life, I am happy with all my choices, I have no regrets. He needs to be happy I am happy, even if he doesn't agree with my choices. I know I have never agreed with his choices, but I have always been happy and supportive of him no matter what.

7. I am really kind of into American Idol this season. Only thing is, I am usually a day or two behind with them recorded on my DVR. I hate when people talk about it the next day because chances are good I have yet to see it!

8. C had her "Walk in Their Shoes" even last night. She served a meal to handicapped kids, did laps around the track, and listened to a marching band that was made up of all blind kids! She had a blast! She got a pin and a tshirt too. She is so proud of them. I am proud of her.

9. I have a bad case of spring fever. The sun has been out, and that makes me want to open my windows and get the stale, germ ridden, air OUT of my house. Problem is, it's only been 30 degrees :/

10. Saturday after Bee's Flag game, we went three houses down to our friend's house where they were having beers by the bonfire. Yes, it was snowing. Yes it was 25 degrees with snow up to your knees, there was a GIANT bon fire so it was all good. Their dog ever joined us, wrapped up in his blankie!

11. As I grow older, I have less and less patience for anything, let alone ineptitude.

12. I really hate the fact that the Grandparents of the Year have to be so sneaky about everything. It makes the kids feel they have to be sneaky. C "snuck" a letter out to the mailbox yesterday for her mom. It's like, Bee and I got them stamps and sheets of labels with their mom's address. They need only ask for an envelope, and it's theirs. Why do you need to hide? Because Grandma (and no doubt, mom) makes them feel like they do.

13. When the first warm day hits, I am running, not walking, but running to the Sunset Grille, ordering a GIANT glass of wine, cheese and meat plate, and enjoy views like this:

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

I'm getting baptized! Again!

So, Bee and I decided we want to join the church we have been going to since 2 weeks before Christmas. We attending the new member class on Sunday to learn all about the church, what they stand for, their history, and to ask any questions we may have.

I really wanted to go because I come from a very "formal" or maybe traditional is the better word, church background. Bee has attended just about every kind of church, but prefers the more contemporary. I have certain things I look for, such as, I want the pastor to have a College degree in religion. I want him (yes, HIM. Nothing against females, just not comfortable with them as my pastor PERSONALLY) to have gone to college to be a pastor. I want the church to be Bible Based. I'm sorry, but God left us the Bible as his word and testament, church should revolve around that and it's teachings. I also want communion. Preferably every week. Bread AND wine. What's the point of only doing part of the ceremony when God's intent was we should partake in it all?

This church has everything I listed above. However, they only do communion once a month. Which, they have all my other requirements, so I'm ok with that. Plus we really like it. They are accepting of us, the fact we live together and are not married (sure, they prefer we be married, but they extend us Grace.) They accept that Bee is divorced. They are loving and have welcomed us all. The kids love Don, who seems to be the matriarch of the church and he loves them. They also like the Sunday School program too. Plus, they have camp! Also, the church is all of 1/4 of a mile from my house. We can walk on nice sunny days!

Now, on to me personally. I was baptized as an infant in the Episcopal church. The very same church I attended until I was 9 and then, we stopped going all together until I was 18. Then I attended the very same church from my childhood until I was 28. My mother says that when I was four, I asked her all about Jesus. After she told me, I asked my mother to pray to Jesus with me so he would live in my heart. That is how I was saved. Cute right? Well, here's the problem. I don't remember it, I was 4. I surely believe in Jesus and that he died for me. I believe in what the bible says. I have prayed the prayer of salvation numerous times. I just never have felt that "Saved!" moment. I've never had the leap of faith to stand before anyone let alone my congregation, and say, "yes. My name is Monkee and I, being of sound mind, body, and faith, accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior." But, now, this is my time to do just that.

The Baptists baptize you only when you are old enough to decide for yourself, that you want to be saved. They also Baptize by submersion (ie: you get dunked). In order to join the church, I have to be baptized this way. At first, I was a little offended because I felt like maybe they were telling me they don't recognize my first baptism. Or that it didn't count for anything. Then Pastor Mike explained, that they do accept it, and it does count, but look at re-baptising as having it done the way Jesus was baptized and using it as a reaffirmation of my faith. He also said, it's not uncommon for anyone who has been away from the church for awhile to get baptized again as a way of purifying themselves. It totally makes sense!

So, I am getting baptized again. Little Man too, most likely. My mom seems to be a little leery. I explained the reasoning to her and she seemed ok, but I think she too felt a little put off, like my first one as a baby didn't count. But, I know she'll still be there, along with everyone else I love, to celebrate with me! I can do it whenever I want, but I prefer to wait for warmer weather. Bee said, "We'll be INSIDE, what does it matter?!" But look, our friends have a heated pool. I won't swim in it when it's 85 degrees out because I get too chilly once I get wet and I don't like to be cold. ha! Pastor says we can do it out at camp in the river, which would be really kind of cool but, I'm not sure which I want yet. Church or outside? Hmmm....

At any rate, I am super excited...nervous too...but mostly excited!

Happy Birthday, Isabella!

To my beautiful, precious, happy, bundle of Joy niece:

HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY!!! May God bless you on your special day! Aunt Monkee Loves you!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Is it too much to ask

Not to be sick anymore?

I am sick...again! I think whatever I had two weeks ago just went dormant. I never really did get rid of my cough. Bee spent the weekend sick. Which meant, I was taking care of him, and no matter how I positioned myself, he would manage to sleep the whole night breathing and coughing in my face. Yesterday and today I feel like I have a full blown cold. Or sinus iinfection. Either way.

I just want 60 degree weather for a week to air out my house and get these germs out of here!