Friday, July 29, 2011

No matter who says it, It's a smack in the face...and more domestic enemies of the Step Mom

So, Tuesday night Bee and the bee-lets got a letter from the ex. In the beginning, Bee would hold their letters until he could screen them. Then, he finally decided, they are old enough to know the truth. Their mom will say mean and nasty things about everyone. They need to learn to deal with fact and sour grapes fiction.
However, this letter was addressed to all three of them. I knew instantly, something was up. She never does that. Addressing it to all three would ensure it got someone.

I pulled it and set it aside. When Bee got home, I took him aside and handed him the letter. He sighed angrily because like me, he wants her to just get over it and leave him alone. This has been the first letter to him though, in awhile. He opened it up and read it, chuckled bitterly, and handed it to me to read. It was not a very nice letter indeed.

Here's the thing. The kids? They share everything about their mom with J. Sometimes, J just reads their letters. Then, when something pisses her off long enough, she seeks me out and spills the beans. I in turn, funnel the knowledge to Bee. Through this process, I deduced that the egg-donor had a boyfriend. Apparently, she had told the kids in one of her letters that when she gets out she will be living with a guy named John. He has a house where her dog can stay and he will be handling her money. I put two and two together (because no "friend" of mine, male or otherwise would handle my money unless he was my "special friend).

I had oftened wondered what John felt about the fact he was coming to see her and no doubt, paying for her (putting money on her account for stamps. paper, envelopes, treats, movies, candy, soap, shampoo etc) because her parents weren't and Bee sure as hell wasn't, and she was still swooning over Bee. Writing him. All. The. Time (sometimes twice a week), trying to get him to come see her, break up with me, take her back and so on. She would write these letters and tee-hee in them like it was not one sided. Which was the creepy thing, because she was living her life and writing as if it was all being reciprocated. I would have thought something was going on behind my back if it weren't for her writing on the outside of her letters to please answer this one, or at least open it, or you are probably not writing me back because SHE isn't giving you the letters. This went on even after the divorce was final....a year and a half ago...and he hasn't spoken to her, not even a WORD, in over 2 years. I guess John finally put his foot down.

The letter, which mind you, was included in the same envelope, folded up with the kid's letter (as in, if THEY opened it, THEY would have been able to read it) started off by saying that she had FINALLY given up hope of him being the man she knows he could be (let me stop here. YOU are in PRISON for stealing $160K, from Katrina Victims, and it's your THIRD offense, and you are going to preach on ethics and how one should live their life? Pah-lease!) and THANK GOD, she doesn't have to sugar coat things anymore. She is going to tell him the truth on how she really feels, which will thankfully slam the door on them getting back together...ever (like it was HIM chasing HER).

Then she proceeded to tear him down in 3+ pages...front and back. From how she NEVER wanted to marry him because she HATED him, but their finances were so tied together that she didn't know how to survive without him. To his performance in the bedroom and size of his...well...(which, never fear's PERFECTLY fine for me ;) ) She told him he was stupid for still trying to play football. He looked stupid and fat too out there trying to play a boys game. However, he was too dumb to know it, and so she praised him for in essence, being like a mentally challenged kid and beating his head against the wall until he fell down, and getting up and keep doing it because he doesn't know any better. The list went on and on....noting that she "stole all that money for YOUR motorcycle. You know it, I know it, everyone knows it". The thing is? His bike cost MAYBE $2000.00. Where did the other $166K go? Oh yeah. That's right. Tanning-clothes-purses-shoes-cellphone-cruises-Disney-toys-more clothes-furniture-cooking classes-cooking utensils. And so on and so forth. She also, then mentioned how she has found true love, and she hopes he finds it too someday (um..Helloo?!) and that she thanks him for the laughter and good memories that will ONE day resurface over the bitterness (bitterness is the operative word, here). She also thanked him for her two beautiful children (that make me puke. They ARE beautiful, but she doesn't deserve them.) Then asked if now that THIS was all out of the way and he knows she doesn't want to reconcile anymore, can he PLEASE bring the kids? <3 Mel. (the last sentence is sooooo telling..)

The thing is, you know someone long enough, get them to trust you well enough, and you see them with all their walls down. You know what things about themselves they are really self conscious about. If you want to hurt them, devastate them really, they did to you when the divorced your ass and refused/ignored all communication from you, and feel that you are so low that you don't even deserve to see the kids you have Fu*ked over so hard core in ways we haven't even seen come to light yet, then you know exactly and ya'll?

She hit every last one. My baby felt *this* big when he was done. Not that ANY thing she said was remotely true (well, except for her stealing the money part), but when you think you are fat/stupid/ugly/have a big nose/ or whatever your neuroses is, and someone, even if it's someone you HATE, says that you in fact, are fat/stupid/ugly/have a big nose/ or whatever, you get all complex-y. My guy felt crappy all night. And the next day...and the day after. Until I told him to snap out of it. He's had his time to wallow and let the sting wear off. Time to suck it up and take it for what it is. SOUR GRAPES. The "you-can't-break-up-with-me-because-*I*-am-breaking-up-with-YOU!" bit that it really is.

Be though we should have a discussion with the kids. Especially since it looks like mom has a boyfriend. She he sits at the table and tells C, and only C, that her mom has a boyfriend, wrote him a REALLY mean letter, and just a reminder, they are NEVER getting back together. Then, I mentioned he should bring in Little Man, and have the conversation with him present too. It's his mom as well and he will be affected too. Bee said "Nah, C will tell him". Then I had to remind him that C is 10, not 45, and HE is the parent. Little Man may be 8, and NO ONE but me thinks he needs to know ANYTHING because he is "young" and doesn't "understand". Here's the thing. He NEEDS to know. DESERVES to know too. AND he is more mature and emotionally stable than C, J, or probably Bee or I. So he called Little Man in and told him the same thing, to which he cried.

You see, she has been telling the kids (and Little Man is still at an age where he soaks in ALL that she says and takes it as FACT. C does to, to a point...but she is starting to get to the point where she can start to see lies and exaggeration in stories) that they needed to be good. Be good, and keep praying every day, and God would reward them by bringing their mom home to their house when she gets out and they would go back to how things used to be. Yeah, I hate people who use religion as a manipulating tool too.

Bee hugged him and told him it would all be ok and that someday when his mom gets out him and C are going to be so lucky because they are going to have three families that love them sooo much. After Little Man went back to watching TV, he started to share little tidbits about the letter with C. I had to stop him and break it down for him, because apparently he doesn't know the domestic enemy called:

Your {insert other parent's name} is a douche.
The ex is a no good whore. She/he has ruined your life. Caused you pain. You hate them and everything they stand for and you want to tie them to a chair and feed them steaming piles of death (or your current squeeze's ex is all that if you are the Step Parent). You would wash your hands of them and hope they die in an oozing pile of chlamydia, except for one small thing. Ya'll created some super adorable wee ones and now you are tied to this person for a sweet forever. Literally. Your ex sucks at life and frustrates you to NO END, and you are always left holding the bag after they cluster the eff up EVERYTHING they do. However, your wee one? Thinks your ex (and you...please know they torture your ex too) hung the moon. As hard as it is to choke back the bile in your throat every time your kid (or your step kid) says "my MOMMY/DADDY took ME to go see Cars 2 3D. It was AWESOME!" or "My MOMMY/DADDY lets me stay up till midnight on Saturdays" you HAVE to do it. Why? Because the more you tear down the ex in front of the kid, the more they resent YOU". BFF Rose taught me a HUGE lesson with this. The nugget of wisdom being, if your ex (or the ex of your lovey) is as bad as you KNOW They are, the kids will grow up and learn that on their OWN, and will have MUCHO respect for YOU and YOUR ability to keep your trap shut.

At the end of the day, the kids are the one that suffer. I also know that if Bee were to call her right this moment and want her back, she would be HIS before the words could finish coming out of his mouth. I hate her and every fiber in her body for what she did and IS doing to those kids, and what she did and said to my Lovey Bee, but I just keep on keeping on because I believe that thing have a way about them. The cream always rises to the top and the rest? Eh, it goes out with the trash, where it belongs.


Amander said...

Hey! Sorry it's been so long since I've has gotten busy! But I still read.

Sorry for the drama with the ex! Bee's lucky to have you!

Sarah said...

That's just not right in so many ways. You definitely called it like it is. Getting that letter must have made him also feel so thankful to have you!