Tuesday, August 31, 2010


Wouldn't you be happy too if you saw THIS on your drive into work....

And THIS on your way home?

I know I am :)

Last night I got some quality time in with Grandma Bee. I love her :) We are like a couple of hens when we get together. She bought more food for the kid's lunches! I told her we totally appreciate it, but not to put herself out on our account. We are moved in, unpacked, and ready to go. We can totally buy our own groceries. I am not complaining at all, believe me! However, I don't want her to think she has to support us, is all. Grandma Bee is 70. She still works a full time job. She should be retiring, not taking care of her 40 year old son, his three kids and his girlfriend :)

I came home around eight last night. Bee was gone at a film session for "C"'s team, "C" was at her friends house, Little Man and "J" were home, however "J" was punishing Little Man and making him stand in the corner. Apparently, He was playing Bee's xbox without permission and even had a friend in the house while we were gone. It makes throw my hands up in despair. On one side of the coin, I am super excited for Little Man to have a friend! He has desperately wanted one of his own for so long. They have tons of fun together too! On the other, while this little boy is a good kid, he tends to get Little Man in trouble...oh well, we will learn this lesson if it kills us...:)

It was then, "J" and Little Man inform me, they have not eaten and are a little hungry. I shook my head and fed "J" leftovers and Little Man some cereal. It's 8pm...Bee should have fed them or at least asked if they were hungry before leaving. Sure, he was leaving for a film session, but really, it was a hang-out-with-the-boys-and-drink-beer-talk-football-and happen-to-watch-a-little-film-in-the-process.....oh well. Fed the kiddos, sent Little Man to bed, "C" too, and "J" and I looked at homecoming dresses! She picked this one...I happen to think it's quite nice. This will be her first ever dance. Her mom didn't let her go (yet, her younger sister was allowed..). Then off to bed she strolled. :) Bee came home and we headed there shortly after. Still, it was after 11:30pm that I made it to bed. I NEED to get to bed earlier....I am totally draggin ass today :/ Maybe tonight... Maybe tonight...

In the meantime, I have this to keep me awake...Ahh, Happy August 31st! AKA: Opening Day of Pumpkin Spice Latte's!

Monday, August 30, 2010

Our first "real" weekend!!

Well folks, it's done. After months of stressing, looking for the right house, packing, moving, unpacking and registering kids for school, we are D-O-N-E, DONE! It feels amazing! There is an overwhelming sense of "happy" for everyone in this house. We love our new rooms, our new space, our new friends, new school, and new life! This was our first weekend to do real things instead of move/unpack. It started out kinda rough, with the kids finding out they couldn't go spend the day with their mother, but quickly we moved on to better things!

Friday night, Bee took the kids to the high school football game! Where our new school was playing our old school in an intense rivalry. Our new school beat our old school 49-0! In the meantime, I was at home. Our friend Amy came over with her two little ones and we hung out. I made a yummy dinner of hamburgers and tater tots! I had just finished officially unpacking before Amy got here. Bee and the kiddos came home and we all hung out together listening to the tales the kids had from playing with friends at the game.

Saturday, "C" had practice, and bee had some errands to do. While they were out, I did laundry because oohh emm gee there was tons, Little Man was playing with his new BFF, and "J" was doing what every teenager does best, which is lay around in her room and sleep and watch TV. BFF Rose came over, and Bee and "C" came home and kiddos were off and running! Little man did get into some trouble though. I told him four times NOT to just run off to his new BFF's house. Even though they were in the yard 3 houses over, he did not ask, and therefore did not have permission to leave the house. I am sorry, but unlike this little boy, I can not allow a 7 year old to just roam the neighborhood. After being told 4 times, and still just leaving 4 different times, he was grounded and had to come in for the day at noon. In fact, I was a mean step mommy and made them ALL come in and do their chores before ANYONE could go play.

While kiddos were working, BFF Rose and I got to hang out. I left Bee with strict orders on the handing of HIS children ;) then we were off for some girl time! First we hit up Miscellaneous barn. That place is so cool. It's kinda like a giant garage sale, but all in one place. They have furniture that would cost thousands of dollars in a store, for mere hundreds of dollars. It's fun to look at, but like I told BFF Rose, even half of a lot, is still a lot, if you don't have the money...which we don't lol! They have other things, too. Such as vintage clothes, dishes (we scoured the place for a butter dish with a lid. Bee totally wanted one, but alas came up empty). After that, we headed over to the harbor, where we had lunch at one of my favorite restaurants out here! It sits right on the lake and has a beautiful view. We had a wonderful lunch and chatted non-stop. When the bees finally got the best of us (Bee says, "I sent them for you..." lol! ) We came back to the house where we hung out until roughly 9pm when she left.

After that, Bee and I hung out. He played his game and I folded clothes. We did this until 2am!! We finally went to bed (I had to stay up long enough to work my way through folding the clothes until I got to his coaches shirt! lol!) We got up Sunday morning, got ready, and went to "C"'s football game. My mom, dad, and sister came out too! We watched "C's" team spank the other 28-0! Grandma and Grandpa "S" came out and sat with my family and I. It was kinda awkward, epically when Grandma "S" whispered loud enough for my mom to hear "Oh. Must be nice. She gets to sit here with her family and watch the game while poor "J" has to babysit little man. See, that's all she wants her for....a babysitter." Um. No. But I wont waste my breath on that nonsense. We grabbed frozen custard afterwards, minus Grandma and Grandpa "S", then headed home. My mom and I made a big Sunday dinner and we all ate until we were stuffed. I cleaned up, and then we sat on the proch until dark.

Bee and I sent kiddos to bathe then bed, and headed there ourselves. It was a WONDERFUL, fun, relaxing weekend and I can't wait for more! Oh, and I finally got some pictures of the house uploaded! The kid's bedrooms and bathroom are from when we first moved in...I couldn't take new ones of there last night because they were in them sleeping :) Pictures of the outside will come tomorrow! It was too dark last night and this morning haha!

Little Man's room. His bed is now set up and his room is clean :)

This is upstairs and "C"'s bedroom. Same deal. Bed is together now and it's clean.

This is "J'" room. She has the "Master Bedroom", but thaat's because Bee and I took two rooms downstairs ;) She also has my couch/bed in there now.

My Closet! This is actually upstairs in the "Kid's Bathroom"

"Kid's Bathroom" aka: Guest Bathroom. I LOVE this bathroom...but I also love that I can shower in mine and it's attached to my room...

Stairs. Duh ;)

Utility/Mud room. That would be my back door too..Those closets are walk in closets and I love them :)

My kitchen! Right off the Mud room. Please excuse my huge trash bag...I NEED a garbage can... lol

My Dining room!

My Living room with Glass French doors! (Bee and I swear the "Transformers" Logo is the "decoration" in the glass. LOL!

"Green Room" that is technically a bedroom that bee and I bogarted along with the "den" below to make our Master Suite lol! All those shoes? Yeah, those are Bee's. He's such a girl...

Our Room. First door in the picture on the left is the bathroom.

Our Bathroom. Yay!

Friday, August 27, 2010

Light at the end of my tunnel

So, I busted my rear quarters last night and managed to get ALL the clothes put away, my kitchen re-cleaned (I do this roughly 4 times a day...double that if it's a weekend), Dinner made (left overs) and my utility/"mud" room cleaned. Like, sparkles clean! I also managed to start, again, on the dining room, which is the last room until I can claim "Done" status. All the while, I did 6 loads of laundry. They're not folded...but still, they are clean and waiting to be worn! I figure it should take me all of a half hour, 45 minutes to finish the dining room. I did the hard part, which was "windexing" all the glass parts, putting the shelves back in and cleaning those, and putting in all the stemware (We have TONS, and the funny thing is, I am the only one who will drink wine...) The rest is simply putting stuff away in the hutch, polishing the gigantic table, and picking out a centerpiece for it...

I will, at that point, claim "DONE" status. There are a few odds and ends left, such as : Hanging our big clock on the wall, our big mirror on the wall, hanging out other big mirror/shelf thing, hanging pictures, There are a total of three boxes, two small and one medium sized, that are filled with countless USB cords, the audio cords with the red, yellow, and white pluggy things, various gadgets and do-dads, that Bee has collected over the years that I am sure don't work or he doesn't know to what they belong to, that he refuses to part with. This includes chargers for phones we no longer have, and cords to ipods we no longer own. I have told him, if he won't throw them away or let me throw them away, he needs to do something with them that includes immediately getting them out of my line of vision/out of the open and from in my way. IE: Get them off of my freaking living room floor. He also needs to set up Little Man's bed frame so that we can move things around in his room and he can feel moved in as well. I would also prefer that he rearrange the garage and shed so that we have more room out there and I can eventually park my car in there. My little Roger Rocket will not be left out in the snow this winter if I have a perfectly functioning garage...All I know is that I will be done unpacking by the time my sweet friend Amy pulls up into the driveway with her two adorable wee ones!

Our weekend plans have changed a little. Bee was supposed to leave town tonight and drive down to Kentucky. He wanted to go see the championship football game. Something tells me there were owners meetings too? Maybe not. That might be in October for the All-Star weekend. At any rate, he was going down there. Amy was going to come hang out with us tonight, then tomorrow at the wee early hours of roughly 6:30ish, I was going to be taking the two younger ones to Grandma and Grandpa "S"'s house so that they could go down and spend the day at the prison with their mom for "Mommy and Me" day. I think it's ridiculous that these women, who are in prison for crimes such as stealing to as severe as murder, get to spend the day with their children in the parking lot of the prison and have a fair. Complete with rides, games, animal rides, prizes, carnival food, etc. However, my two absolutely love "Mommy and Me" day. Then, while they were gone, BFF Rose was going to come spend the day with "J" and I. Sunday, the kids would all be home again, and Bee would come back in time for "C"'s football game at one.

I am learning to roll with the punches. Bee called me yesterday afternoon to tell me that he text grandma "S" to find out when I should drop them off. Grandpa "S" called back and said that they weren't going. Apparently, there are over 800 women down there and not everyone can enjoy "Mommy and Me" day because then we are looking at at least 1600 people and they just can't handle that. So, since "C" and Little Man were there last year, their paperwork got denied this year. I was devastated for those little ones. "Her"? Well, part of me did feel a little bad, but it all comes down to, you're in jail because you suck at life and did something to deserve to be there. You get too many privileges as it is...however, the kids? They didn't do anything to deserve their mom being locked up, and they were soooooo excited about going. In fact, Grandma and Grandpa wouldn't take them to see "her" on "her" birthday, which was last week, because of the fact they would see "her" Saturday...

Bee felt bad too. He told me he was going to see how they reacted to the news. If they were ok with it, he'd go on his trip, but if they seemed upset at all, he was going to stay. Well, apparently they both burst into tears and were really upset. So, now I have a Bee and two Beelings extra this weekend :) He is taking them to a football game tonight. Our new city's High School team versus our Old City's High School team. It's a HUGE rivalry. Should be a good game. Then, Saturday he said he might take them to the park, or another such fun event. Probably end at CiCi's. I still feel bad for them. Oh well, maybe next weekend Grandma and Grandpa can take them. If, you know, they can find it within their busy lives to do it....

Other than that, yesterday was a good day. I can't wait for this work week to end so I can finish my house and relax with my friends! :) Yay for the weekend!!!!

Thursday, August 26, 2010

My Daybook #23

Today is...
August 26th, 2010.

Outside My Window...
Mostly Sunny and only 74 today. Fall is coming. I Have mixed emotions about that. I LOVE fall. But I am not a fan of super cold weather or the long winter it brings with it.

I am Thinking...
about how I am 90% unpacked. I Have about another half hour's worth of work on the Mud room, and another half an hour's worth of work on Bee's and my bedroom. Then, about an hour or two on the dining room and then I am D-O-N-E! Well, besides hanging of pictures and the wall decorative thingies I have...I WILL be done by Saturday Morning...then I will celebrate by doing NOTHING for the next week besides place my rump in my big chair or on my front porch swing...

I am thankful for...
Grandma Bee. Still. She bought every stitch of new school clothes for the kids. She bought every last notebook, pencil, compass, and protractor the kids needed in the way of supplies for school. She kept them at her house safely tucked away because she knew we were moving. Then, on top of it all, she bought me groceries so I didn't have to run to the store on top of everything else I had going on so the kids could have lunches and dinners this week. Then, she is buying Bee and I a new comforter for our bed as a house warming present. She is the bestest and I told her I wanted to marry her this week. haha!

What I have learned this week...
Sleep is awesome, but with enough coffee, and determination, you really don't need that much of it....

I am wearing...
Jeans, Sandals I have owned for perhaps a year, yet never worn (brown), brown tank top, and tan sweater

I am creating...
an actual living space that looks and feels like a home...not just a house with boxes in it!

I am going...
to be all D-O-N-E! by Saturday morning, if not earlier. If I heat up leftovers for kids and Bee, and they don't leave me too much of a mess, I could possibly be done tonight....oh I sure do hope so! Friday night will be spent finishing any unpacking I have left. Making sure all of the kid's chores are done to my satisfaction. Little Man has been ok about taking out the garbage....and "C" will take it out to the cans and put the cans on the curb on garbage night if I stay on her...but I want to get her to where I don't have to keep harping...well, I want to get there with all of them.

I am reading...
No Time for that! However, I am halfway through "Two from Galilee" Still. When I am done with my house, I would like to finish that, and then start reading again...now that my books are all unpacked and on a bookshelf, I have the desire to read again :)

I am hoping...
to have a wonderful relaxing weekend in my unpacked house!

I am hearing...
tapping from the keys as I type, and my co-worker, loudly, yapping on the phone to her sister in law...

Around the House...
WE ARE ALL MOVED IN! Wow, what a busy week! Kids have started school. They absolutely love it, and they have friends. They never really talked about friends before at the old house. They seem happy and perfectly adjusted to the new surroundings. Little Man absolutely loves his room now. He was upset he had to sleep downstairs while the other two are upstairs, but he has discovered he can watch whatever he wants on his TV un interrupted, he is the first one at the breakfast table, so he gets first choice of drink and cereal (Which today meant getting the last of the Sunny D to himself AND the last of the Fruity Pebbles), and in his words "I'll be the first out if there is ever a fire!". Kids....Anyway, my children have become the most popular children on the block. Every night when I come home there are at least 6 children that are not mine playing in my yard. Last night, I think I counted 9. I am super happy they all have new bff's. I am also super happy that they are out of my hair and/or not inside plopped in front of their TV's. However, the "cranky old lady in me", doesn't like how loud they are (they really aren't any louder than most children...), the fact that there always seems to be a sea of children (though, if I am honest, I would rather be able to keep an eye on them...) and that since my children are so polite, they are in and out getting drinks for their friends. I had to put the kee-bash on them taking out giant glasses of milk though...that's expensive and your friends can drink water...in fact, so can you. Ha! Friday night, I will probably straighten up and hang out with my friend Amy and her two little ones. Then, Saturday the two wee ones are going with Grandma and Grandpa "S" to go see their mom all day, and BFF Rose is coming out to hang. Then, Sunday Bee comes home from his football trip, "C" has her first real football game of the season, to which Young Miss Caitlyn and my family are coming to. Then My mommy and I are making a big dinner! Should be a good time!

One of my Favorite things this week...
Taking the kids to meet their teachers. It was something we did one-on-one and I was glad I got to be a part of that. Oh, and FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!

A Picture Thought...
Found this while packing! Bee! Circa 1997? 1998? Haha! He was married with a kid...I wasn't even out of High School yet...what an old man! ;)

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

One day down, 179 to go!

Well, School was a rousing success in our house. They were all super excited to go back today. Ask them in three months when the newness wares off and we have real work to do. Maybe a different story then. Or not, if you are just asking "C". That kid loves school, no matter what.

Anyway, I somehow made it through the day without falling asleep. My lazy bones is not used to rolling out of bed before at least 7:15am. In fact, at the old house, I think that was the earliest I ever woke up on a school day. Now, I'm waking up at the ungodly hour of roughly ten to Six. It's horrible, and I am not sure I am going to make it all year at this time. That's asking me to be awake and functioning too many hours in a day. Especially, since like last night, I was up until 11:30pm-Midnight. However, I better suck it up and throw back the coffee, because when I can scrape together $200.00, I am buying us a family pass at the Community Fitness Center, and ideally, I would like to be up at 4:50am to be there at 5am sharp to work out for an hour before I have to come home and get myself and three kids up and ready for school. We'll see. My goals are lofty, I know.

Last night involved some unpacking, setting up "C"'s bed because if I wait for Bee to do it, well...we might just be sending her off to College instead of 5th grade, arranging of "C"'s room because if I wait for "C" to do it I will most likely see the second coming first, making of dinner for both Little Man (Who has become mister social butterfly since our big move and has like 3 or 4 "Best Friends" on our street that he must play with non-stop), and "J", then Fried Cabbage and Noodles for Bee and I, then grilled cheese for "C" after she got home from practice. Then, more unpacking, then bed....finally. Even then, Bee had to drag me off because I was "on a roll" and would have been up half the night had he not stopped me.

Before bed, however, we had to deal with an intruder. Well, let me rephrase that. I made BEE deal with an intruder. We live in the country, essentially. There are all sorts of noises that happen outside our window from the momma raccoon calling to her babies, coyotes (yes, we have them in Ohhh-HI-Ohhh), birds of every kind, Sheep, and crickets. Our house specifically, there is also train tracks 6 doors down, so we hear the train almost non-stop. However, last night there was a cricket that was "cricketing" so freaking loud, it was almost deafening. I told be that he sounded like he was in the house. Bee told me that's because he was in the house! He said last he saw him, he was in our bathroom. Umm. Ok, you don't tell ME you SAW a bug in our house and did not get rid of it...I asked him why he hadn't smushed it. He told me something bout crickets are good luck and the Japanese or Chinese say blah blah blah...and I told him I do not allow bugs in my house, and I am not Asian of any sort so I.Don't.CARE.

I looked for that sucker for about a good hour as I was unpacking. Finally, as we were getting ready to head into the bedroom, I went to go turn out the kitchen light and there he was. Smack dab in the middle of my kitchen floor. He was the biggest, blackest freaking cricket I have ever seen. I flipped. I jumped about 15 feet into the dining room and squealed, "Baaaaaabyy! Get him!!!" and pointed in the kitchen. Bee, taken aback by my screeching at volumes not acceptable at midnight in a household with sleeping children said "What?! Get who, baby?!" I said, "Hiiimmmm! The cricket!!!" he was already on his way into the kitchen when he saw it and heard me say "Cricket" and said, "Baby, w-t-f? It's a cricket!" as he chuckled at me. "They're good luck! The Chinese say..." I don't care WHAT the Chinese say. I am not Chinese...get him OUT of my house!

And so, Bee chased that "little" (I use that term loosely. I swear, he coulda eaten Bee) guy all around the kitchen for about 10 minutes before getting him onto a paper place and shooing him out the door, which is where I am sure Mr. Cricket was trying to go anyway to be with his crickety friends...

Bee made fun of me the rest of the night for being bothered by a big ole cricket. "He can't hurt you, you know. He's just a cricket..." I said, "He's a loud ass cricket and he can make me deaf when he crawls up into my ear hole and starts rubbing his crickety legs together....then you will have a deaf girlfriend!" To which he replied , "Well, at least you couldn't talk then and I would get a whole lot more sleep..."

Bastard. His funeral is being held Friday at noon... ;)

Today was day 2 of school. Morning went off without a hitch. Hope this routine sticks for us and we can make it work....but most importantly, I can make it through the day without falling asleep at my desk ha!

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

First Day of School!!!

"Dear God,
I would like to thank you VERY much for inventing school. More importantly, after a long, busy, hectic summer, I would like to thank you for inventing the FIRST day of school. You are ever so wise in your ways. Ahhhh-Men!"

Haha! You think I am joking? Listen, I love these kids, but I hate the fact that I come home and they have messed up my clean house. This house isn't even fully CLEAN yet, and they are already messing up the clean parts. not to mention, I almost killed the lot of them yesterday when I came home early (I don't think they realized I was coming home early) and caught them breaking almost every rule Bee and I established and/or carried over from the old house.

They made two friends with the boys who live behind us. One is between Little man and "C'"s age, and the other between "C' and "J"'s age. I am sure they totally think I am the world's biggest crab apple because both times they've met me, I was scolding the kids for something they did. Oh well. At Any rate, the children were told No friends over when dad and I aren't home. No friends in the house, even if we ARE home without permission. When you are not riding the scooter, it needs to be in the garage, and lastly, no one is allowed in the pond area without permission. So, I pull up yesterday afternoon and I see the garage door open and I think "Hmm..wonder why that's open?" and then I think, "Maybe Little Man is riding his little four wheeler" and right about that time I hear "CRUNCH!" and I slam on the breaks, I get out, and there's the scooter...Luckily for them, my car was fine. (The scooter was too). I pull around back and see Five little faces staring at me INSIDE the pond area...I get out and they smile and wave. I said, "Why are there friends over?" The response I got was "Dad said, no friends over in the house. I said, "No. Dad said no friends over when no one is home. Period. No friends in the house EVER, without permission."

"Oh. Sorry." And ran off to go play. Hmmm..Then, homeboy from around the way is riding the scooter at speeds faster than lightning, into the open garage and around everything we have in there like it's some sort of obstacle course. Narrowly missing Bee's $7,000 motorcycle about 3 times. The children have already been in trouble for putting scratches in it...so I announce, "Don't be riding the scooter into the garage or around inside the garage. If that motorcycle gets damaged it will be a very bad day for whoever did it..." I had five sets of eyes just blink at me, then run off. 5 minutes later, in and out of the garage at top speeds. It's not my funeral...

After an hour's worth of unpacking, it was time to go. From 2pm until 7pm last night I walked around the different schools with each of the kids. It was nice because while I walked with one child, the other two could play on the playground. I met Little Man's teacher first. She was very nice and Little Man seemed to really like her. I could tell because he talked to her :) Little Man doesn't talk to anyone he doesn't know. She really got down on his level and made him feel comfortable. I really liked that. Not to mention, she was really nice to me :)

Next was "J". We walked the whole high school following her schedule and meeting her teachers. I really liked her Spanish teacher who told her she looked "fly", and her Business teacher who was about my age, yet dressed like a member of the "Rat Pack" and had Dean Martin playing in the background. I also liked her math teacher who was really pretty, but I think played for the "other" team if you catch my drift ;) The English teacher was a total jock and I think he smoked a fat one right before orientation. Her wood shop teacher was really nice too, and I think she may have a crush on him. He's probably all of 24? haha!

Then, it was "C's" turn. Her middle school fed us all pizza, lemonade, chips and a cookie, then we walked her schedule, learned her locker combination, and met her teachers. By this time, it was 7pm, her and I were both falling asleep in her last class, and when we left, my feet hurt, and all four of us were really tired. I still had to drop the kids off and run out to Grandma Bee's house and pick up school clothes and supplies that she bought for the kids and held so they wouldn't get lost in the move. I kind of think I want to marry her :) I thought I was going to have to go to the grocery store as well because we have zero food in the house, but when I called Bee, he said he was stopping on his way home from work (He had to work late, which is why he didn't come with us). Grandma Bee also bought us some groceries.

By the time it was all said and done, "J" and I got home at 9:30pm. I sent her up to shower and bed, and I brought everything inside. I put everything away (except for the computer paper which I forgot on top of my car. Thank God it was covered in plastic. Bee found it this morning on his way to work. Ha!), made lunches for everyone, and then headed to bed myself with my sleepy Bee.

At 4:30am, Bee's alarm went off like it does every day. He got up, showered, dressed and kissed me good morning. I then got up, got ready, and then proceeded to wake my sleepyheads up :) While they got dressed, I made them a hearty breakfast of eggs, toast, bacon and Sunny D. We ate, excitedly packed our backpacks, chatted non-stop about how we hoped our first day would go, how many friends we hoped to make, and how we hoped our teachers turned out to be as nice as they were when the parents were around! Then, it was time to get ready for the bus. We all went outside and took turns getting our pictures taken on the swing (Including me! "C" wanted a picture of me for her camera). Then, Little Man and I watched as "J" and "C" walked three driveways down to the bus stop and get on their bus as they chatted excitedly with the other children waiting. We waived as they went by, and then got in the car and went to Latchkey (which, we ended up following the bus because all the schools, including latchkey are all on the same campus). I walked Little Man to his "class", signed him in, gave him one last "high five", and it was time to say goodbye. I'm not gonna lie. I got a little misty. However, I kept it under control. :)

One pot of coffee later, and I can say so far, it looks like a winner of a day. I'll go home, make dinner, maybe do an hour of unpacking, then it's off to bed to do it all over again tomorrow. Minus the big breakfast and pictures of course. Haha! I think it's cereal tomorrow!

Monday, August 23, 2010

We are offically all moved in!!

Unpacked? Well, that's a different story. Ha!

Friday night, I needed a break. I unpacked from the moment I walked into the house until around 9pm when I started getting ready. We were going to see Bee's brother's band. We got ready, got on the bike, and started down the road when Bee called back, "I really don't feel like driving all the way across town 45 minutes at 10pm when we have to be up early tomorrow". I told him I kinda agreed. However, I wanted food, and time away from the house, unpacking, and that I wanted some quality adult time with him. So, he took me to one of my favorite restaurants, Quaker Stake and Lube. Haha! Yeah, It really is one of my favorites. I love their dusted chipotle barbecue wings, and their soft pretzels with the Guinness cheese! We watched some football and talked, and laughed, and giggled, and life was great.

Saturday, I wanted to be at the old house by 7am. Ungodly hour if you ask me. Especially on a Saturday. However, "C" had a scrimmage and it was away (like, half hour drive) at 12pm and then Bee and I were going to the Browns game, so this needed to be done. I tried getting him out of bed, and tried, and tried. We finally got up and moving and at the old house by 9am. It took 45 minutes to get his weight set apart and in the truck, and really by then, we couldn't get much more in the truck. There was no time to run home, unload and come back, so it was proclaimed that Sunday we would come for the rest. This caused me to get upset. You see, I plan and organize things in my head ahead of time. If something comes up that derails that plan, it REALLY upsets me. I get over it quickly, but for about 5-10 minutes, I am upset. Bee promised we'd get the last of it on Sunday. I told him, Come hell or high water, we were going to be done Sunday night...

"C"'s scrimmage was fun. I especially liked when we walked down to the field when we got there, her little team mates were lined up in the end zone waiting their turn and when they saw "C" they got all excited and said, "Oh thank Goodness!! "C" is here!!!! Yay! We are for sure going to win now!" Hehe. It also helps she is the biggest kid on the team. haha! It was only a scrimmage, but, they "won". They scored three times and the other team didn't score at all. "C" got her ribs stepped on, which knocked the wind out of her for a few plays, but she was fine (Bee's getting her a rib protector this week). I got to hold a baby through half the game, which made ME happy, and then we grabbed some lunch and headed home. It had started to rain and I asked Bee if he even wanted to go to the Browns game because it was supposed to rain all night. He said he did, and we hopped in the car and headed out. He decided, as we approached the exit, to go to Gander Mountain and check out rain gear. We were going to get ponchos, but decided on rain suits because they were $10.00 and buy one, get one free!. We got downtown and I am soooo glad we brought the suits. It poured alll game. We stayed until end of the 3rd quarter, then decided we were cold and wanted to go home and go to bed.

Sunday, we woke up, and by the time we left for my apartment, my kitchen was clean, my bedroom was CLEAN and ORGANIZED! All MY clothes were sorted, and put away, All of Bee's clothes were sorted and put away, with the exception of his clothes in the Mud room, but even 3/4 of those were put away. You were almost able to see "daylight" in my mud room. It was almost cleaned out! We went to my apartment loaded it up, went to the old house and got the rest of Bee's stuff, went home and unloaded everything. I had a small meltdown when we couldn't get my queen sized bed upstairs for "J" because the box spring wouldn't make it up the stairs. So, Bee decided to put my couch upstairs for "J" because my couch folds down into a full sized bed. I did not like this idea at all. Here's the thing, and yes, while I realize that my reason for being upset is partially understandable, it also partially insane. I realize this...but here goes. Like I said, I have a plan in my head. When things go differently, it upsets me. Add that to the fact that I already feel like my stuff was disrespected at my apartment by our friend, now we're just throwing my couch upstairs for a teenager to sleep on "just cuz", and we all know teenagers don't respect things...AND because that's MY couch. I bought that with my own money. I was barely scraping by when I first moved into my apartment, yet every free nickle and penny I had went into saving for that couch. Most weekends were spent, alone, in my apartment doing NOTHING, because I was saving for that couch...and when I bought it? Well, it was special...I realize it is just a couch from Walmart...but I worked hard for it. I also was hoping that something of mine could be put out because when I look around, everything is Bee's. Yes, I get the whole "What's mine is yours and yours is mine" but I feel like it's all one sided because everything was his.

So, I got upset. I think my feelings were amplified by my lack of sleep, and the fact that I have been running full steam ahead for the last 3 weeks, but have really kicked it into overdrive this last week. I also had not eaten all day and it was now approaching 8pm. I had a massive headache too. I mean, I know "J" is a good kid. She will do the best in her ability to take care of my couch. I told her I worked hard for it and she knows she has to respect it. At the end of the day, I don't mind...it's just I wish I would have been able to enjoy it a little while longer myself. I took our friends kids home who helped us out, and came back. Bee knew I was upset and asked if I wanted a ride in the "big truck" with him while he took it back to work and got his truck. I agreed. We got in the truck and I was sitting like a mile away from him. He asked what was on my mind and I simply replied I had a headache. He told me I needed to eat....I told him I was overwhelmed, and I started to cry. He grabbed me and slid me across the seat and kissed me telling me I needed to relax, let go, roll with the punches. That I didn't have to take on the world in one day. I didn't have to unpack the whole house in one day. Simply me, as is, was more than enough for him, so relax. I cried some more, but felt a lot better. We cuddled on the way to his work and then, we picked up a pizza, some pop, and went home.

We ate, the kids ate, I unpacked my kitchen, again this time, with my stuff :) I was upset because my dining room table, that's black, got knicks on the lip of the table, which show white, from being in the truck. I told bee I was disappointed because my mom, dad, and sister bought that for me for my birthday last year and I wanted to keep it nice. He told me, "I am really sorry baby. We were very careful, I promise you. However, those things are unavoidable when you move. I will tell you something a friend of mine, who is one of those artsy fartsy antique-ey type people whose has moved more than a gypsy once told me. She said, : Furniture is not furniture until it has dings, and knicks in it. Each one tells a story. Their imperfections are what give them their history. Their beauty" " I kinda wanted to punch him in his face and throw up at the same time. That's all well and fine, but this is my pretty much, not even a year old, dining room table! But, I kinda let it sink in. After I thought on that statement for awhile, I was like "Holy crap! That's beautiful! And, she's right!" 10 years from now, when my children ask me what those knicks in the table are from, I can tell them that was when I first moved in with their dad. And someday, when they have a house of their own and I pass it along, they can say, "This is from when my mom first moved in with my dad. These are from when I moved into my first place" and so on, and so forth. (I just hope the table lasts that long. It IS from Walmart. HA!)

And with that, I finished up, and Bee and I got in bed and cuddled for all of 3.2 seconds, when I fell asleep. Today I am taking a half day so that I can take the kids to meet their teachers, and then it's more unpacking. I am hoping to be done by Saturday when BFF Rose comes over. I think it's do-able. Especially now that "C" doesn't have practice every night and I can get a few more hours in today. Plus, I have 92% of the clothes put away and that is the biggest part. Other than that, it's just a typical week in the Monkey-Bee Household :) Thank God for School starting tomorrow....at least the kids won't be home during the day to mess up the house anymore. Haha!

Friday, August 20, 2010

Thought I'd Share..

My Kitchen! It's all set up. Well, all set up minus my stuff :)

Two weeks ago at my mom and aunt's restaurant. "C" wearing the Mascot costume. I don't know why she has to "Shooter McGavern" in every picture :)

There will be plenty of time to sleep when you're dead!

Which is what I keep repeating to myself. :) Last night was going to be the night I could go home straight after work and get to it! But, like I said a couple of posts ago, Life has other plans :)

"J" got registered for school yesterday. The other kiddos aren't yet, but today is the day. Nothing like waiting to the last minute. Ah, Bee. Some things will never change... lol :) Anyway, her Orientation was last night. "C" had football practice at the same time. When I talked to Bee on my way home, he said "Well, I'll take "C" to practice, and then I guess I'll head over to "J's" orientation. I asked him if I could go too. I mean, we might not be married, but I am helping him raise his children, and they do look at me as the "motherly" figure of the house. Not to mention, I am the one who will be on them about homework, scheduling our schedule around their events, and dealing with various school things because Bee doesn't think to do those things. I want to feel involved. I want to feel included. I want the people at the school to recognize me and know me as one of the parental figures, not just "Oh, that's Bee's Girlfriend. You know, he was married...but now the wife is in jail. Look at him. It looks as if he didn't want to wait for the old lady..".

When I got home, Bee said, "Hey, do you WANT to take "J"?" I said, "Well, I mean, I could if you want me to." and he said "I didn't ask you if you could I asked you if you wanted to do that with her." I said yes, and he laughed and said "Ok baby. You take "J" to her school thing and I'll take "C" to practice. So, that's what we did. I learned all about her life as a student at the High School, while Little Man played with my ipod touch ("I soooo want one of these for Christmas from Santa!" I heard over and over again) and "J" compared schedules with Our friend's son who was also there (His younger brother is going to be a Freshman) and our friends son's crew of freshman girls tee-hee'ed and giggled through the whole thing. Then we walked around to all of "J"'s classes, and met the principal and vice principal. All and all, it was a good time. "J" is getting very excited for her new school.

We went home and the kiddo's dispersed. I of course had to be shown all the new shoes that Grandma Bee bought. Then, I had to be pleaded with to wear said new shoes outside to play. Bee was home by then and his response after I said a firm "No!" was, "If I catch you outside, any of you, even YOU "J", with school shoes on, playing, I will take them off your feet and beat you with them like pops did to Grandma Bee when she was 14!" Hahaha! It made me laugh. Mainly because I remember my parents having the same discussion with me every new school year.

While the kiddos played outside in their OLD shoes, I made dinner, we ate, I cleaned up dinner while the children took turns having their bath and by the time all was said and done, it was 9:30pm. That's when I started my unpacking for the night. I finally stopped around midnight. I managed to finish getting Bee's clothes folded and put away (There are still a ton of them in the mud room, but they are all on hangers and will all be hung up out there so, it won't take very long) and my clothes sorted and half put away. My goals are whenever I am home this weekend (that won't be much) I am going to unpack. Once I get mine and Bee's clothes situated, it will be easy. Then, I can finish setting up our bedroom. Then finish unpacking the dining room, which is just putting the rest of the shelves into the hutch and placing everything in the hutch. Unpack the three little boxes in the living room and put away all the stuff from my apartment (mostly things for mine and Bee's room) and I am DONE!. I can't wait to take pictures of it all done. :)

This weekend will be busy. Tonight we have Bee's brother's show. It's a 45 min drive. Hopefully we'll take the bike. I kinda need a night out right now! Then, Saturday, we have to be up early. Bee's house by 7am. Pack up the rest of it, including the weight bench, and be DONE with that depressing place. Then, it's back to the house lickity split because we have to unpack it into the house and then haul it to "C"'s scrimmage at 1pm! Then, we have to rush home, Bee and I have to change and then run downtown for the Browns game!! I hope we're tailgating too :) Then it'll be home after that. I will probably stay up and unpack more when we get home. Then, Sunday, from 1-3pm we have the dock at my apartment. We will load up the truck and come home. I will also be cleaning while Bee and Children load up the truck from my apartment. I want to be able to go and hand over the keys Monday and be done there too. Hopefully, I will be far enough along that I can be all unpacked by the time my stuff arrives so that it doesn't take me very long. Hmm, let's cross our fingers. I goals, but they might be a little too lofty ;)

Thursday, August 19, 2010

My Daybook #22

Today is...
August 19th, 2010. "J" has Orientation today for her new school!

Outside My Window...
75 and partly sunny. Almost no humidity. Woo to the Hoo!

I am Thinking...

about how happy I am that our move is almost over. We have one more trip to Bee's old house, then one trip to my apartment. Then we are D-O-N-E! I am 3/4 of the way unpacked now too! I sure can't wait to relax, and enjoy our new home!

I am thankful for...

Grandma Bee. She has been letting the kids stay at her house. She says it's to spend time with them before school starts. I say it's to get them out of my hair while I unpack. :) Plus, she knew we were moving and bought all three their school supplies. God Bless her...

What I have learned this week...
I can get a lot done if I stay focused on one task at a time.

I am wearing...
Jeans, Sandals, white tank top, and one of Bee's dress shirts (it's black and pink)

I am creating...
my list of things to do to RELAX once I am alll done!

I am going...
To be moved in COMPLETELY by Sunday, and I am also going to Bee's Brother's show on Friday and the Browns game on Saturday!

I am reading...
No Time for that!

I am hoping...
to be all unpacked by Monday night!

I am hearing...
Music from my NEW IPOD TOUCH! It's super cool! Even though I had to go to hell and back to get the darn thing. (Stupid FedEx)

Around the House...
WE ARE IN THE NEW HOUSE. I am in love. I walk in my door smiling every day. Then, I remember I Have to unpack. Haha! Nah, it's not that bad. I like finding a place for everything. I really want EVERYTHING there right now, however, it's been kinda nice having it come in stages. Friday night, we had the first load. I stayed up late and unpacked most of it. Saturday, we went and got a few more things and Saturday night I unpacked the rest, or at least put it in the room in belonged in. Sunday, we brought a whole second load, including all of Bee's clothes (Good Lord, he has a lot.) and I should be almost done with that when the last little load comes in. And that load will be garage/shed stuff, and MY stuff, which, besides my furniture, is all little things like pictures, DVD's, books, that type of thing. My Goal is to be allll done by the time BFF Rose comes to spend a day with me next Saturday. I can DO It!

One of my Favorite things this week...
Sleeping over Friday night in the new house! Kiddos were sooo full of excitement! We were so full of excitement!

A Picture Thought...
Sunday night, we had a Thunderstorm. "Little Man" is scared of them anyway, but in a new house that he doesn't feel 100% comfortable with, was harsh on the little guy. Add to that, he was not exactly happy with the fact that "C" and "J" get to sleep upstairs and he has to sleep downstairs by himself ("I have NEVER gotten to sleep upstairs, where kids sleep, in my whole entire life!!!" ) Bee and I gave him a list 10 reasons long why downstairs was better. Anyway, when the storm hit, he was scared. We told him to turn his tv on and he wouldn't hear the thunder. I told him that I was going to be up and in the living room unpacking 15 feet away from him and I wouldn't let anything hurt him. He seemed satisfied and went to bed. I checked on him 5 minutes later and he was passed out. In the morning, I found this....looks like someone got scared....and it wasn't little man ;)

I Love how he gave up his blanket for her...and has arm out like "It's ok..I'm here.."

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Working out the kinks...

So, I know I promised pictures and a proper update. However, Life is not always how we plan it :)

Bee is not happy unless we are seriously the busiest family on the planet. So, that's why we moved in the middle of our busiest time of year. Well, at least that's what I accuse him of. I think it's all a ploy so he doesn't have to do anything lol.

Last night, I had the best intentions. The best intentions AND toothpicks holding open my eye lids. There was a day in my life, not all that long ago, where I would party till 3am and still be bright eyed and bushy-tailed in the morning....and now a days if I am up past 10pm (Which I usually am), I want to cry. Anywho, my plan was simply this. Do NOT get overwhelmed. Do NOT try and do 17 things at once. Focus on one project, then move along to the next. Last night, I was going to come home and sort, fold, and put away/hang up all of mine and Bee's clothes. Mainly, because oh..em...gee, that is my biggest task right now. They are in waist high piles all over the bedroom....and the mud room.....and my dining room. Once this is taken care of, the rest of the house will be a cake walk.

I left work yesterday and called Bee like I always do. He was still at work. He was swamped yesterday. He asked me to go pick up "C" from Grandma B's house and take her to practice and he'd meet me there. So, off I went. Then, on the way to practice, he calls me to tell me that he just left work and has to go pick up his glasses. Drop "C" off and have her tell the other coaches, he'd be missing practice tonight because of work. I get home, and he's fussing with the newly installed Internet. This problem started the night before. He caused us to go all night without Internet because he was messing around with things he shouldn't mess around with. I fixed it in the morning, and he was trying to get his xbox to work.

This, of course, is now my problem and I have to help him rectify it immediately because, well...apparently even though I can barely hold an xbox controller right, I can now fix one. So, we sat. Doing the steps the xbox was telling us to do. Over. and Over...Bee was getting frustrated and kept asking me, "WHY?! WHY isn't it working?! I've done EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING!" (Apparently, repeating everything twice, with emphasis, is required in this process) I kept offering my puny suggestions, "Well, is it the router or the internet itself?" "Should I call best buy?" "Should I call Netgear?" I want to pause here and tell you, I am a woman. I work smarter, not harder. I have an issue, I try all the logical things I can think of to fix it first, then I call technical support. I refuse to hang up with them until my problem is fixed. If they can't fix it, I don't hang up until the schedule someone to come to my house and fix it. Bee would rather struggle and repeat things with emphasis. Finally, at 7:30, I was irritated with his lamenting, and called NETGEAR technical support, handed him the phone, and said "I'll be back. I gotta go get "C". "

I went and picked her up, took her BACK to Grandma Bee's (Which, is 25 minutes away), stopped and got pop because Bee was out and I was almost out and God help anyone who walk into a house with Bee and or I in it without our crack--I mean, Pop. I made it home at 9pm. Bee was resigned to sitting in his chair with his laptop, in the dark, and the TV on. This, could not be a good thing. I asked him if it was fixed, he said "Well, we can still get on the Internet. Netgear did manage to get my Xbox online, but it's Laggy and slow. He said anything more than what he did, and I am going to have to call Xbox because it'll be something they have to do". So, I chatted with him for a few, then decided those clothes wouldn't sort and fold themselves, and Bee obviously didn't feel the need to unpack a box, so it was all me. I went to get up and he was like "Where are you going???" I told him I had to unpack. He said "Oh, I was going to see if you could call Xbox for me. I hate dealing with them!" I told him, having me talk to xbox to fix it would be like asking me to change out the engine on his truck. Or, performing open heart surgery on his mom. Probably not the most qualified person for it. And on my list of "Tasks I feel are important - in the order they are important" Fixing his xbox is below "Unpacking our house". He didn't like this and got cranky. I didn't like this because I already feel stressed to the max, like EVERYTHING is on my shoulders, and I got whiny. Then I said "Well, you could come back and sit with me if you want" To which he replied by continuing to sit there watching YOUTUBE videos while sorted clothes.

Eventually I stomped out into the living room to get my ipod. He asked me if I was upset. He huffed and puffed. I whined...and went back into the bedroom. Eventually, he came in the bedroom, kissed me, and we went to bed. My update with pictures didn't get done. My clothes didn't get put away (though, the DID get sorted :) ) and I hit the pillow and was asleep in moments. Ah, such is life.

Be apologized this morning, which I thought was most adorable because I wasn't even mad anymore. My new goal for tonight is: Put the clothes away, and start on the dining room. AND get pictures posted that don't show my house in a disarray :) Saturday, Bee has a scrimmage for "C"'s team, and then at 7pm, even though we are STEELERS fans, we are going to a Browns game. Because they are great seats that my work game me for free, and because Bee and I love Football. In between the scrimmage and the Browns game, we are going to get the last load of stuff from Bee's house. Then, Sunday, come hell or high water, we are getting the stuff from my apartment. Then, I can put all of my focus into unpacking. Ugh! I can do it...I can do it...Focus...

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

I survived!

Just a quick note: I made it!

There were times when it was questionable. There were times I almost strangled Bee, but WE MADE IT!

I am exhausted and there is still work that needs to be done, but for the most part, we are up and running in our NEW house!

Proper update with pictures to come later tonight!

Friday, August 13, 2010

Today is the big day!

We get our keys today!!!! We will be moving tonight, I will be unpacking most of tomorrow, and Moving my stuff from my apartment on Sunday and anything left at Bee's house as well. Yes, you are correct in noticing that we "lost" all of Saturday. That would be because Bee has one.last.football.game. It's an hour away. He found out about it on Tuesday. The League decided that they did the play off games wrong and that a lot of teams missed out on an opportunity so they were going to have an Invitational Tourny....we got selected...after the 4 tears ahead of us passed because they were insulted. Then, we were told if WE pass, then we could be fined or suspended from the league. Bee and I had several strongly worded texts back and forth on Wednesday, and tears were involved...

However, I was PROMISED that no matter what, we would be DONE by Sunday. And, that I didn't have to lift any boxes, just lift my fingers to point where things go :) Haha! He might actually get done at work early today and get most of the boxes over there before I get home today. However, he says that when the boys get there at 5pm tonight furniture should be ready to be moved and that we will most likely sleep in our new house tonight. I could Pee I am so excited. :) AND my new ipod touch will be waiting for me when I get home tonight. Everything is right in my world right now. :)

Thursday, August 12, 2010

If you ask, HE will answer....

I grew up in a house that loved Jesus (They still do, but I am using the past tense because I don't live there anymore, and well, I am all growed up ;) ). We talked about him. We talked about his sacrifice on the cross for us. We went over and over that while Christmas is AWESOME, and Santa brings you lots of gifts, and reindeer, and candy canes, and elves, and snowmen all frolic together at the north pole, the REAL reason we celebrate is the Birth of Jesus. (Interesting side note: I WAS baby Jesus in the church play when I was one month old :D ) We went to Church every Sunday and loved it.

Things have happened along the way. We stopped going to Church. Then we went again. They we stopped again., or at least I did. Let me clarify, though. It was never because I stopped believing in God or Jesus, (although, I will admit that my absence from Church and being exposed to my religion at ALL has made they feel a whole lot farther away) it's been because of my own laziness. I moved out of my parents house at 26. I moved 20 minutes away. I went from being 15 minutes away from Church to being 25 minutes away and without my mom there to guilt me into going on Sunday morning, it was REALLY hard to get up after I just spent Saturday night drinking myself into oblivion and passing out at 4am. Then, I met Bee, and "moved" out to his house. Now, I was an hour and 15 minutes away. And, after football games, we'd party at Tuckers until 4am. I don't really know where I am going with this, other than to say I miss God, I want to start going to Church again, preferably as a family, but I would go solo if need be, and to say that my upbringing is what has shaped my morals today.

My mom has always told me that God expects us to forgive everyone. EVERYONE. No matter what they do to us. Our anger, or hatred of someone is in itself a sin. You don't have to like them. You don't have to be their friend, you don't have to like what they do, but you must forgive them, and not hate. If you find it too hard to do alone, give it to God. Let HIM forgive them for you because God can do anything.

I must say, the past two weeks have been hard. As I am packing up Bee's house, It is not lost on me that I am packing up his memories. His life with his ex. Her things are all around. Her little decorative touches that spoke of who she was. What she liked. I can tell she was as in to Halloween and Christmas as I am by allll the decorations I found and themed dishes and tablecloths. This caused me to seethe. The more and more I packed, the more and more my already deep hatred for her grew. She also writes him letters. At least once a week. I am not 100% on what the say, and Bee doesn't read them, so, they sit there, taunting me. Bee and I fight about it at least once a month. The fact that he makes no effort to stop her letters from coming, makes me feel like I am being disrespected.

So, last night I come home from work. I had just dropped "C" off at football into Bee's care. The other two were still at Grandma Bee's. I was going to work on the last big "Push" to get all packed up. As I do every night, I checked the mail before heading into the house. There it was. A letter from his ex-wife. Written all over the back of the letter was a plea for him to stop and let every memory of THEIR house sink in as he packs it up. Remember their love. Their good times. Their vows. Then, how I was never going to be better than her. He knew it, she knew it, and I supposedly know it. On, and On it went. It is not lost of me that that was probably meant more for me, then for him, and it worked. I was over the top mad. I was going to start a fight with Bee when he got home. We were going to handle this!

I packed stuff in a fury. I was steaming mad. I said lots of mean, nasty, hateful things under my breath and thought even worse things. Then, I got really sad. Sad because this is not me. I am a happy person. I can befriend almost anyone. I have been blessed with an ability to see the good, even if it's tiny, in just about every person. I've never been able to hold a grudge for more than a day, and it's usually not even that long. I can also say that I have never honestly hated anyone. Until now. I also saw what my mom always said was true. Hate is like a cancer. It will eat you. My hatred for her has been eating me and I can see it's adverse effects. I am not the "happy go lucky" person I usually am. I've had a chip on my shoulder for awhile now. I am starting to take it out on the kids. I am constantly choking on this hatred.

I came to the conclusion last night that I have two choices. 1. Break up with Bee and separate myself from him and his life completely. Destroy all evidence we were ever together, refuse his phone calls, change my number if I have to, and move on. While the moving on part didn't exactly go well last time, not being his girlfriend took that huge weight of hatred for her off of my shoulders. However, I love Bee. I honestly think that he is who I am meant to be with. We "get" each other more than anyone else ever has. I honestly believe we are meant to be together...so that leads me to option 2, which is my only real option. Get over it. Get over it. It makes me want to vomit and protest just saying those words. However, the reality of the situation is, She is "C" and Little Man's mother. She will always be #1 in their hearts. She will always come first. They will see her as much as they can. Now that she can call them, I am sure they will talk more. She will be writing them letters (and probably Bee too). When she gets of out Prison in just 5 or 6 years, they will be going off to spend a week or a weekend with her. I am sure she will drop by the house to pick them up sometimes. She will ALWAYS be their mom, and therefore ALWAYS be in our life. If I chose to make my life with Bee, I have to get over it, or let my hatred eat me alive and turn me into some I am not. And, probably someone Bee won't want to be with.

So, I stopped what I was doing and I prayed. I felt awkward and dumb, but I did it and meant it anyway. I prayed and with venom in my tone I spit this prayer to God. "This is yours. I'm done. I can't carry it anymore. I am not strong enough. I am sick of being angry, sad, and hurt all the time. YOU deal with it. YOU fix it. I'm done. I am trusting you to take care of this for me because I don't want to anymore. You fail? It's on you, and I will BLAME you. I am doing what I hear I am supposed to do, so fix it. Change me and how I feel about her. Forgive her FOR me because I can't right now. I will pray this every damn day until it's taken care of if I have to" and with tears of rage and frustration I finished with an "amen".

I felt a little better, honestly. But, I wasn't sure if it was because I basically had a good cry and vented my frustrations or because it was working. Usually, I am not a person who gets clear cut answers from God like other people I have known. I am usually left guessing, so I didn't think anything of it. About ten minutes later, my friend Young Miss Caitlyn sent me a text. It was one of those dumb little forwards you used to get from people in your email, than now you get on your phone. Caitlyn saw the "forward to 10 people, including me, and in 30 minutes something will happen" and figured she'd better not risk it. I take NO stock in those things, but I read what it said anyway. This is what it said:

" A strong person knows how to keep their life in order. Even with
tears in their eyes, they still manage to say "I'm ok" with a smile. God is
good. Change is coming. God has seen your tears, felt your sadness and said
hard times are over"

I bawled. You see, sometimes God will speak to us through a friend, with a stupid little forward, at the right time, just when we need it most, if we just pay attention.

I feel better. I feel like a huge chunk of the weight from my hatred towards her is gone. I still don't like her. I probably never will. God doesn't say I have to like her. He just says I have to forgive her. I can't even tell you that I am even there yet. But I am on the path at least. It's not always going to be easy. I don't take people hurting or messing with my loved ones easily, but I'll get there. I'm not walking the path alone. When I can't handle it, I will just remember, it's not my burden to take. Things are looking up, and I'm excited! I am also going to look into the two Churches near our new house. I am pretty excited about getting back into a Church family as well.

Oh, and Tomorrow we get our keys :D

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

My Daybook #21

Today is...
August 11th, 2010. Where has the summer gone?

Outside My Window...
81 Degrees and 75% humidity. Seriously, we're in for a storm. Though, the sun is out now.

I am Thinking...
about how I move in just two days! I hope I survive! I am taking Monday off to wait for the Windstream guy to install our Internet. Bee should be just about unbearable by then. 2 days without his beloved call of duty ONLINE or his laptop. He pleaded with me, "Baaaaaaaaby! Isn't there anything we can doooo?? They had NOTHING earlier??? What am I gonna do for two days?!" I answered, "Oh, I don't know. How about help me UNPACK, since God knows, you didn't help me pack." The lamenting quieted down after that. I am also thinking about how as of Friday night, I will have my new ipod touch!!!! YAY! I refuse to buy and apple product or ipod because It pisses me off how they charge you $200+ dollars, and then EVERYTHING had to be their brand from here on out for it to be compatible, and all of THAT stuff is expensive too. However, I DID like Soizic's ipod touch when I went to visit her at New Years, and my bank gave it to me for free for opening my checking account there. So, Holla!

I am thankful for...
my job and the fact it's so flexible. I've been so busy with moving and stuff and they have been really supportive (letting me take time off, come in late, leave early. Not get upset when I have to take a personal call from the cable company etc)

What I have learned this week...
that I really miss not seeing my family as much. That's going to change in the new house. I would like to have family dinners on Sunday. Just like my mom used to.

I am wearing...
Jean Capri',s sandals, green and white "layered" tank top and and white short sleeve button-up over it, open. I am kinda cold...

I am creating...
paperwork so that we can register the kids for school.

I am going...
to be moving in 2 days!!! Finally!

I am reading...

I am hoping...
to make it to Monday....

I am hearing...
music....in my head :)

Around the House...
it's a mess! Even more so....but oh, you guys! It's a mess of boxes and things to be moved out to start my new life with my family! The best part? I get to figure out how to arrange stuff in the new house! Then, I can keep up my house and feel soo much better. In other news, Bee finished his season with a "W" :) It was nice! "C" starts her football. They've been practicing all week, Mon-Thurs and Saturdays. Busy busy busy! "J" and "Little man" are along for the ride lol. "J" has been spending time with her mom too. I just think it's funny how when Bee and I had visitation with her, it was every other weekend. There were no extras. You took your weekend, or you didn't. Sometimes, her mom planned stuff of Bee's weekend and last second, sometimes when we pulled in to pick "J" up, she'd ask if she could miss a day or a few hours...and if we had something we wanted "J" to be apart of it, it had better occur on her weekend with us, or no dice. Yet, her mom? Wants to see her at least once a week....and we oblige. Why? Because we are nice people...

One of my Favorite things this week...
Spending time with my mom, dad, brother, his girlfriend, their two kids, BFF Rose, and my cousin and his wife and kids!

A Picture Thought...
"C" is being a mopey molly because she just talked to her stupid mother on the phone and well, she kinda gets mopey after they talk. "Little man" However, was diggin his new Mohawk Bee gave him before we left for the game! He says "Now, my hair doesn't feel so heavy anymore!"

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

I've been absent....

I know. However, Moving, being a "mom" (more like organizer, pack mule, and maid), and dealing with football (pee-wee and semi-pro) plus working a full time job has really zapped any energy, creativeness, and/or life out of me this past week.

Good news? I think I am mostly packed. I've done it all myself so, as time has gone on, I have said "eff it!" and am just throwing things in boxes. I don't even care anymore if kitchen things are in with dining room things and what not. I also am not caring if things are all wrapped up and protected. If Bee wants his stuff packed perfectly, he can do it his damn self. Also, I have stopped throwing things away and cleaning as I go along. Maybe, if I had help I would, but it dawned on me the other day that the bank is taking Bee's house. It's not like he's going to get a security deposit back. No one is moving in because the house was sold. The things there are NOT mine, and he obviously doesn't care enough because he is not going through it. I take what I think he wants, and leave the other stuff where it lies, save for a pile of stuff that the ex-in laws are coming to pick up after we move. Everything else can be the bank's problem.

That sounds so "ghetto" and irresponsible, I know. I am not that kind of person, but really, the multitude of stuff that is there is mind boggling. It would take me a year, by myself to go through it, sort it, trash the trash, and clean and really, I don't have the time for that. Nor, is it my responsibility or problem.

Bee's Brother rocking out. The guy in front of him plays in PopRocks (80's cover band) with him.

This picture makes me laugh. It was dark, that's why my eyes look so big. Bee? Well him and Todd have lots of man-love for eachother. Can you believe that 6'5 guy is a tight end?

Moving on. The weekend was decent. I decided I was doing no packing and just going to relax. Well, relax as much as can be done on our weekends. Friday night we went to see Bee's brother's band. Our friend Todd came out. Him and Bee had a good time hanging out. Sometimes, I like to just step back and let him be with his friends. They had a great time, and I did too. We took the bike (Yay!), which was really nice, until we were coming home from Denny's at 2am. It was 70 degrees and on the bike it was more like 50. It was about 45-50 minutes home. It was a long, cold, ride. Oh well, it was still fun.

Hehe. Boys....

Dallas. He is the lead singer.

Saturday, I was cranky. The day started nice enough, but then started irritating me. I love Bee's kids. However, and I know this is just me and my issues, but sometimes I think they rub things in my face on purpose. I know. It's totally silly, but still, I get upset. The Bike. I LOVE the bike. I want to go EVERYWHERE on the bike, but can't. Can't because Bee has 3 kids that need or want to go everywhere with him. Even if the oldest wants to stay home and the youngest does too, "C" will decide she wants to go, and it ruins the plans for taking the bike. Then, she'll ask Bee everyday "Can you take ME for a motorcycle ride, daddy?" and it rubs me the wrong way.

Well, She walked in from practice carrying her helmet. She had a big smile on her face which seemed to be to be a smirk, like "haha! I got to ride on the bike. (yes, I know I am being crazy and I feel bad for feeling this way...but none the less..) and then declares to me "I got to ride on the motorcycle. Oh, and dad and I are going to Coach B's house tomorrow." Which pushed my irritation further because Bee promised me we'd go to my apartment and take care of the mess and start packing and I was hoping, loading boxes out of there. Then, later, While Bee is getting ready, I walk out to go get his bag and "C" is standing right there. She asks if her dad is in the bathroom. I said yes, and she said, "Oh. Well, my mom just called. I talked to her. She wanted me to tell daddy that she loves him very much and can't wait to see us on the 28th! Oh, and she also said that she sent me a letter and it should be here by now, and that I need to ask him to please give it to me". It was every fiber of my being going into overdrive not to A) Slap the shit out of her and B) To let loose my tongue and say every last mean, hurtful, stinging, but TRUE thing I felt about her stupid thieving doesn't-really-give-two-shits-about-her-kids mother. However, I shoved it all down to the depth of my stomach and simply said "ok...." and walked away. (side note: I would NEVER actually lose control like that....)

This is why I don't like the fact that "she" has the ability to call the phone, which Bee installed in the kid's room JUST for her to call on (magic Jack, and "she" uses a phone card because we are NOT paying THAT bill). I mean, it's not like I want her calling and talking to him either. In fact, I would prefer she didn't call at all, because when she does, she plays these stupid games. Bee has not given the kids her letter because she can't follow the rules. She writes things in her letters that the kids don't need to see or hear. She clearly is trying to manipulate them, and turn them against their father. She's been told, when she says inappropriate things in her letters, they will never make it to the children. I have no idea what she actually said, as I am not privy, but Bee just doesn't withhold their letters for no reason. Then, after speaking with her mom, "C" gets all mopey. She gets quiet and withdrawn. It's not healthy. However, no contact with her mom I don't think would be healthy either. I don't give two shits about her mom, I am purely speaking for "C"'s sake. I don't know..

Anyway, we headed out to the game. My bad mood melted away as I chatted with Bee. Then, when I got to the game, BFF Rose came, My mom and dad came, my brother and his girlfriend and their two kids came, my cousin, his wife, and their three kids came, and Bee's Brother and his Fiance came. It was so much fun! Bee's team won too, so it made for a nice way to end the season. We then went to my mom and her friend's restaurant for dinner (Like half the team), and then we headed over to one of the guy's house for a little party. We made it home by 1am. I crashed. Hard. It's hell getting old.

Sunday we had breakfast, I did laundry, Bee irritated me all over again because he wouldn't get off his ass and then planned like 6 other things around going to my apartment. He kept trying to get me to let him out of going by promising me we'd hit up a movie instead (he NEVER takes me to the movie...he hates the movies because he can't pause, rewind, fast forward, etc) or that he'd bail on Cassie's practice (Grandma Bee would drop off and pick up) and we'd go Monday. However, I wouldn't budge. I was dug in. We made it. It wasn't until almost 9pm and I felt like choking him out a few times, but we made it. It didn't get cleaned (Bee said "Baby, relax, we'll clean it after all your stuff is out. It'll be faster and easier"), The boxes didn't come home with us....but I can honestly say, 95% of it is packed. We grabbed BK and headed home...where we ate, then crashed...

This week is all about packing. I've already got most of the basement stuff upstairs. There's a few more boxes, a few books he has down there, his weights, our washer and dryer. The latter two won't be moved until Saturday. The kitchen is now 3/4 of the way done. I'm doing the rest of the Kitchen, the Living room, and Our bedroom tonight. Kid's rooms are tomorrow. Thursday will be bathrooms, and Friday night we start moving. Hallelujah!

You'll know I've survived if you see pictures come Monday morning.... ;)

Thursday, August 5, 2010

My Daybook #20

Today is...
August 5th, 2010 (Yes, I know I am a day late...but it was a busy day yesterday)

Outside My Window...
Rainy and 85 Degrees. It's Muggy. Ugh.

I am Thinking...
about my apartment and how upset I am that it's a mess. Oh well. Bee said he'd go with me Sunday and we'll clean it, bleach the hell out of EVERYTHING, pack up my stuff and take it back to his house so that we only have furniture on Moving day that's left. So far, I have 98% of my clothes at Bee's. Do you realize how NICE it is to have my full wardrobe to choose from everyday? Well, It's nice :) The Dining Room of Doom is all packed. The kitchen is mostly packed, but I am holding off on anything more because we still have to eat between now and August 13th. Basement of Horror is done with the exception of a few books, and our washer and dryer, and bee's hoodies that are hung up down there. I think we'll start being the "keep" stuff up stairs tonight. All we really have left is the living room, and the bedrooms. Which, I think we will kinda just pack up as we go along on moving day because living room and bed room stuff is used everyday. Oh! And bathroom stuff. I am still super stressed, but I have an end date to focus on, so I am dealing with it better. Yesterday, I got our Electric set up and Direct TV! It comes with free NFL Sunday ticket. We are so having football parties at our house on Sundays for the Steelers games :D

I am thankful for...
My Friendship with BFF Rose and being able to move past difficult things. Also my Bee. He's totally stepped up and been my rock the last 4 or 5 days :)

What I have learned this week...
If I let go a little bit, and give him a chance, Bee is quite dependable on his own!

I am wearing...
Jeans, Pink, grey and orange plaid tank top, black shawl sweater with pink, green, blue, and orange pastel beads on the trim, and sandals.

I am creating...
a Home

I am going...
to be moving in 8 days!!! Finally!

I am reading...
contracts. Lots of contracts.

I am hoping...
To get most of our move done in one day. We can unpack as we go the rest of the week.

I am hearing...
People talking. People Typing.

Around the House...
it's a mess! But, I really don't care. It's a mess of boxes. Bee's last game of the season is Saturday. I am excited. Mainly because most of my family and friends are coming to this game. With the exception of my dad and BFF Rose, none have seen him play! On top of it, this team is 0-9 and last time we played them, we killed them. I am hoping we can do it again. I would love for my boys to go out on a win!

One of my Favorite things this week...
Signing our first lease as a couple. Things are no longer "Mine" or "yours". Everything is officially "ours" now. I like that.

A Picture Thought...
Decided to go old school today. This is my sister and I circa 1987, I believe. We were some hot sex kittens. Her with her salty puss and Ronald McDonald hair, and me with my bowl cut a la' HE-MAN hair do. That was mostly, because at that time, I wanted to BE He-man when I grew up...Ah, the 80's.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

No good deed goes unpunished.

I went out to my apartment yesterday on my lunch. I needed to pay my rent, check my mail that hasn't been checked in 3 weeks, get a new FOB so I am not charged for it when I hand back the keys and so that I can get around the building when I move. I also figured while I was there, I'd grab the shopping cart they have and use it to transport my 45698456 articles of clothes (you think I'm joking....). I also figured, I'd grab the boxes I still had packed up from before, maybe even my pictures and whatever else I could grab and fit in my car in an hour's time.

Our friend that I had let stay there for the last six weeks gave me the key back on Saturday. I had asked for it earlier in the week, but he said that he wanted to straighten up first, get his dirty laundry he still had there, and grab his laptop. Now, I am a neat freak. Bee's house doesn't show it, but it was trashed before I was in the picture. However, my house is always presentable. It's not like hospital sterile, but no matter what, you could eat off the floor in the two rooms that count for me; the bathroom and the kitchen. When I handed him the keys, I had my apartment in that condition. I understand he has a few things working against him that prevents him from being as clean as me such as A) He's a boy. B) He's a 19 year old boy C) He has a 2 year old son who is a H-A-N-D-F-U-L D) He works a full time job. However, I at least expected it to be returned to be in close to the same condition.

I walked in, and actually cried a little bit. There were raisins all over the floor. Everywhere. Mashed into my carpet, my BEIGE carpet in some places. There were sticky, dirty knee-high hand prints over most of my white walls. My table (Thank GOD for the cheap VINYL tablecloth) had food and what looked like salt and pepper dumped all on it. There was garbage stuffed under my couch. Empty Gatorade bottles and red plastic cups everywhere. My pictures that were in frames on my end tables were shoved under the couch. My bed was all in a disarray. My TOWELS! MY Towels were gone. Just gone. However, that wasn't the worst of it. My kitchen. My kitchen looked like a dirty bomb went off it in. All 8 Sq ft of it. You know how when you cook greasy things that pop and spill all over your stove? Yeah, there was that. I think if I looked hard enough, I could tell you everything he cooked the last six weeks because my stove is a wreck. I haven't even looked in the oven yet...I was afraid, really. My counters had about a 1/2 layer of sticky goo all over them. I am not sure what it was, but I didn't like touching it. There was popcorn, popcorn kernels, crumbs, dirt, and food pieces all over the floor and counter. The sink hadn't been cleaned out since he'd been there. I didn't look in the dishwasher either. Partly because I was afraid, and partly because I was distracted by the....BUGS! Yes. BUGS, Hundreds of those tiny little fruit fly knat things. I think I almost passed out at that point. I was shaking and crying. They were all surrounding en masse this goo dribbled down my cabinet above my fridge. I opened up the cupboard and like 100 more bugs flew out. They were all on a bag that looked like syrup. It at one time was Potatoes.

I was horrified. I spent the next 45 minutes cleaning, best I could in my dress and heels, and limited supplies. I got rid of the rotten food and swept the floor. I went and picked up all the raisins. Threw away most of the trash. Tried to vacuum, but my vacuum was not working for some reason (it worked before...) I just wiped my tears, and grabbed all those clothes and pictures I could and headed for the door. While I totally wanted to stay and return my beloved apartment back to it's original clean state, I didn't have the supplies or the time because I had to get to the bank to get a check for Walt, and get back to work. I then struggled, pissed off, with the shopping cart loaded to the gills (I managed to get all my clothes and pictures that were hanging up with the exception of like 8 hoodies, my coats, and a few pairs of dress pants I never wear that were folded on the top shelf of my closet.) and my little push cart that Bee bought be for Sweetest Day last year, on my way to the car. I was in heels, leggings, plaid "school girl" skirt, tank top and sweater. I missed the elevator twice while trying to maneuver both carts, and struggled getting it all to my car. Many strong, young guys were all along my route, yet no one offered to help. Not that would have let them carry my stuff, but holding the elevator door or the outside door while you are standing right.there. would have been nice...but instead, all they could do was stare at my outfit and make cat calls.

I finally got it all loaded up, got in my car, and drove away. I called Bee in tears. I was upset. He was upset. He told me he'd have a talk with our friend, but that I should also let him know how upset I am. I don't like confrontation, but some things need to be said. I text our friend. Told him how upset I was. How I'd like my towels back (he said he had them to wash them. I said I'd wash them. I didn't care. I just want them back.) How I want the money that he still owes me for staying and how the total lack of respect for me and my things wasn't cool. How I know what I have isn't much...but it's ALL I have and I was trying to help him out and wow, the disrespect. He kinda laughed it off said "I'm sorry" and that was that. I was pretty much upset all day. Hell, I'm STILL upset because now I have to deep clean my apartment. The good news is nothing looked damaged so I hope I can still get my security deposit back. However, if I don't, I have already informed our friend he will owe me that too. I also thanked him for adding one more thing for me to stress over and have to take care of before Bee and I move...

Ugh...if I make it to the end of this month, alive and or without ulcers the size of Texas, I will be amazed. However, should I make it, I plan on having a BBQ/Cookout to celebrate! There will be lots to celebrate too!

~Kids starting a new and better school

~"J" officially moving in with us

~End to a long, VERY long, Football season for Bee's team

~"C" starting her football season

~The final close of an ugly chapter in Bee's life

~The start of many, many, many, new (and hopefully, mostly HAPPY) memories for us HERE:

Move in day is Friday, August 13th. I hope it's lucky for us!