Well, everything kind of came crashing down upon me on Wednesday. My biggest fears had been realized, and I found out all my worrying and insecurities were not for naught. I am not really ready to talk about it publicly or candidly just yet. Maybe never. Just know that I have learned a lot about myself in the last couple of days. I have learned that I have a HUGE heart for those I care about and love. I have learned that love really does have the possibility to conquer all. I have learned that sometimes, your "line in the sand" can be erased and a new one drawn. I have learned that I REALLY can cry for all the waking hours in a day. That sometimes, the ones we love hurt us on levels so deep, we didn't know they existed...yet the only thing that begins to soothe that hurt is just for that same person to hold you so tight while you sob the "ugly cry". That sometimes, you need to step out of yourself and look at the bigger picture. I have also learned that if you let it....if you can allow for the possibility of forgiveness and healing to someday work their way into the picture...if you can just be open to the idea, and listen, as well as empty out all the shit, that like a Phoenix, from the ashes of what once was, can be born something new and so much better.
It's been a rough couple of days. Our holiday weekend wasn't what it was supposed to be. In a lot of ways it kinda sucked...but in so many more it was...special. The wagons were circled. There was a lot of crying, talking, yelling, sometimes even screaming and fist pounding...but even more so there was open discussion, walls were torn down, and a weird sort of cleansing thing happened. There was even some laughing, re-connecting, and loving going on. There was loving going on even when there was yelling and fist pounding.
It was a hell of a weekend, ya'll.
As of today....
The kids are just fine. Happy. Thriving. Perhaps bummed that they have to go back to school.
My family and Bee's family are great. My dad arrived safely in Arizona Saturday, I believe.
Mike and I are good too. Really good, actually. There is a lot there that still needs to be taken care of, but I know way down deep in my soul...where only God can see, that he is my true love and that we are meant to be together. Life is going to throw us curves, but we just need to hold onto each other tightly as we can and we will make it through.
I love you, Michael...