I've done had it...

I want to stay light.

I don't want this to be a giant blog of bitch...

But I'm so angry, I am actually seething.

I was raised in a Christian household. We might not have gone to church every Sunday, but we believed in God and did our best to live our life for him and in honor of him. I was lucky because my parents loved the CRAP out of each other. They also got along really well 99.9% of the time. In my 31 years, I can honestly remember them fighting 2 times. Even then, it was over really, before it started.

Anyway, in my house or rather, in my LIFE, how I grew up (my parents, my friends, my friend's parents, my aunts, uncles, cousins, teachers, etc) one thing was certain. Adults were adults. Children were children. You treated adults with respect, and they tried their hardest to protect the children. Keep them innocent. If you and your spouse hated each other or even were fighting, you did it behind the closed door. You spoke in hushed tones as to not clue your kids in as to what was going on. Sure, the kids probably knew, but you at least tried with ever fiber in your being to hide it. Protect them. Children were innocents. You treated them as such. It wasn't until I was in my twenties and out on my own that I saw my situation, my lifestyle, and that of those around me, were in the minority. Big time.

Now, I find myself in a situation. A situation that makes my blood boil in quite literally seconds. In fact, sitting here typing this and thinking about how I am going to word it, makes me so angry I could spit nails. I have three children. Three. No, they were not born of my womb. Yet, they have been dumped at my feet in need of a mother. I say dumped not to imply their father doesn't care or that he isn't as much in this situation as me, I say that because he is busy being their father. They all have mothers, but the ones they have are utterly useless.

Useless. It makes me sad to see what these precious ones have been dealt in the mothering department. I think of my mom. She is sooooo NOT perfect in about a million ways. She even irritates me so bad sometimes. However, in the mothering department? She's pretty much aces. In my sister's case, maybe a little too aces, but whatever. I only hope that I can be even 1/4 as good as her.

I am getting off track.

Anyway, useless. J's mom is out in left field. She's lazy. She is not stable, at all. Both mentally and financially. She is the type that would "borrow" or "take" from her own child. She wants J to hurry up and move out after she graduates this June so that she can get a job and an apartment (I suppose she can do college too, if she must) so that her and J's younger sister can move.in.with.her. Why? Because they don't have their own place. They haven't in the last 4 years. They go from house to house every few months staying with fellow Jehovah witnesses...J spends so much time listening to and worrying about her mother's woes that she doesn't have time, or rather doesn't feet like she should burden her mother with anything like asking for affection, motherly advice, or guidance.

Then there's the wee one's mother. The one sitting in prison. The one who is currently the focus of my ire. Here is a woman who is smart. On that whole IQ are-you-a-genius test (the real one...not the Internet kill-some-time ones) she scored 179. 159 is "Genius". This is also why she is crazy. They say the more of an actual genius you are, the closer you are to madness...our brains aren't meant to function at such a high level.

Off track again.

Anyway, she is smart. And Manipulative. Control freak. It bothers her to no end she doesn't have control over Bee and the kids anymore. We try to be nice (for the kids...certainly not for her) and give her a proverbial inch, and she takes 4 miles. She acts very entitled for someone who is locked up. She also keeps involving her boyfriend. Who is ALSO locked up (we found out it's for DRUGS). And as awful as she is. As bad as she behaves, and as much as we want to shelter the kids and not allow any contact, we also understand that no matter what, that is their mother. They love her and will always love her. If we keep her from them, it only makes them hate us. It only makes HER look more right and us more wrong. But then again, who cares what they *think*, as long as they are safe? And we go round and round...

About 2 months ago we filed a police report against her for harassment. Calling and screaming at J. Calling her mean nasty names that were so full of venom and hate, I almost thought we were speaking to the devil himself. This woman tortured and abused J for 7 years of her young life. I'll at least give her credit, she didn't take it sitting down. She gave it right back. Things calmed down a bit, she didn't really mention it too much to the kids, but she still takes every opportunity she can to degrade and dispute us at every turn. In fact, most of her letters are worked in a way so that everything she discusses, she can throw a jab at Bee or I. She is even turning them against Bee's mom. In fact, Lil Man tried hiding on the Saturday before Easter when Grandma Bee came to pick them up from Grandparents of the year. Then, when he got to our house on Sunday, he went right to his room. Not wanting to come out and spend Easter with "this" side of the family.

Last night she called while we were out, but J was home. She told her the kids were not at home and NOT to call during the week and that she knows her phone time is Sunday. Their mom went ape and the devil came back out. She tore J a new one up and down and back and forth. Then told her to tell Bee she was filing papers (for what, I'm not completely sure. It's not like the kids can go live with her in prison). Then, she called her mom and cried the blues. Her mom then called the HOUSE (which is the thing that REALLY chaps my hide because she knows WE don't answer that phone. WE have cell phones and she knows our numbers full well but she didn't really want to talk to US, or else she would have called US) J answered and then Grandma of the year, who is 64 years old, proceeded to the the devil come out of HER at J. Cussed her out, told her SHE Was the reason Bee and her daughter were divorced, and went on insulting and cussing her out.

Tell me, when is ok to speak to anyone, let alone a child like that? How are Bee and I supposed to trust you and allow you OR your daughter around the littles when you treat their sister like that? How is that right? How is that CHRISTIAN. What would the LORD think? You both seem to be such a holier than thou expert on the LORD...tell me, would HE think this is ok? I doubt it. If J's mom, or J's mom's family, or ANYONE really, spoke to C or little man and said even the PG rated things these 3 people have said to J (or me) they would shit the bed that Bee or I would allow this and have lawyers so far up our asses. Nor would Bee or I stand for that to begin with, so why is ok for J to hear it? Have it launched at her? To be the victim once again to the "S" family abuse? She had to be the whipping boy at the hands of their daughter for far to long. *I* won't allow it anymore. She is safe with us. Free. She will not be forced to take it any longer.

I have a connect friend in high places, who knows very important people. He gave me a number of a shark of a lawyer. She smells even the hint of blood in the water and she goes for the juggler. She specializes in custody and family law. Bingo. I have a phone call scheduled with her later today.

I'm done with this shit.  

Feeel the Chrome!

I am back!

I just got a new computer at work and they installed Google Chrome!!

This means I can update from work again! Oh happy day! I know I could always email updates, but I couldn't update with pictures and yadda yadda yadda, and I found myself just not wanting to deal with the stress of it. But fret no more!

Nothing new in our household, really. The Ex, or as I am starting to call her "Gold Dust Woman" (because I <3 Stevie Nicks, and she wrote that song about herself when she was was all high, balls out, on heroin. It's about being a lying, cheating, stealing, vile, selfish, greedy human being, and not really caring) is writing to the kids/calling them speaking ill of their father and I. So, you know, the usual. :) Soccer is going to start this week! Bee and I are coaching! woot! Football is starting up too. Twice a week practices, and scrimmages/pre-season games every weekend. And so it begins.

I've also started selling Gold Canyon Candles! I am rockin my new business! My goal was $700 in my first 30 days to get my kit free and $125 worth of free product. Well, I kicked that goal in it's goal-ey FACE! I did $1069.00 in my first 29 days AND I have sponsored one new consultant! Anything over $700 goes towards my $1000 goal for my 31-60 day goal, so I am $369 in already! Woot woot! If I keep this up, I could potentially be in AUSTRALIA for a FREE all expenses paid vacation for me and my Lovey in 2013!!! I am loving it! :)

Well, that's really it for now. Happy Thursday and I have missed you all :)

Camera Class

I talked a friend of mine at work into the same camera I have. She bought hers at Dodd, and therefore got a free 2 hour camera class on how to work her camera. She was able to bring a guest and she asked me! Our class was last night and I have to say, I learned a lot! It also was nice to have confirmed just how much I have learned on my own since having my camera. I also learned the lense I really need is a $2,500 one. Which considering that falls on the cheaper side, I am ok with that. I also want to get a good macro lense, and my photography bases should be covered. I also want a good tripod and a better bag and I should be set :)

Anyway, I was inspired...

A few pictures from last night..

Playing around in class. The lights were out,that's why it's a little blurry. That is my friend Tiffany :)

Venus and Jupiter. I love the stars and have always wanted a camera that can do night shots and do them well..

My guy :) I was trying out different points of focus in a portrait

Different point of focus, and black and white shooting

It's Wednesday already

We had a great weekend, and getting ready to start another one here
shortly. Wow. Time flies. Anyway, Isabella came out to visit up last
weekend and it was a whirlwind of a weekend that started everyday at
6:58am with a high pitched shriek. Ah, two year olds. Finding their
voice. And shattering my good china. Just kidding, I don't own any
good china. Or bad china for that matter.

I loved having her there (and it's so much better when it's not 32
degrees and raining like the end of the world and I am nursing a
REALLY bad hangover like in October when she came out) and Bee is so
adorable with her. We could totally handle having a wee one. Though, I
will be honest, nothing was more relaxing than when she was safely in
her daddy's arms. I got to watch (and take pictures of) Bee's hockey
game, talk with grandma bee, and eat a meal and enjoy it. Ha!

C's very last travel basketball tournament starts tonight in Chardon.
I will be at a camera class though. However, I will be front and
center on Friday. It will be so weird hanging out in the cafeteria
before/after the game knowing three young people lost their lives
right there not 3 weeks ago :( How very sad. I am so very proud of my
Chardon though. They are showing outstanding unity in adversity. I am
also excited to see that they won the "Rock your Prom" contest from
the local radio station!!! They get to have their prom at the House of
Blues venue and I think nationally known acts are going to perform!
Woo!

And finally, I have decided on a second career. Well, I am 98.98897 %
decided. I am meeting with my friend T on Saturday to let her push me
over the fence into the 100% decided arena. She sells Gold Canyon
Candles and does a pretty good racket. She has been trying to recruit
me, hard, for the last 3 months. She says it's easy, they sell
themselves, whatever, whatever. All I know is that she kept her family
going with that little business for a whole year while out of work.
She also got to go on fun trips all expenses paid, and she really
didn't put much "work" into it. So, a little push from me, and I can
get an east $100- $200 extra a month? I'm down. That will pay for
vacations I so badly want to take, my wedding (if and when Bee asks),
and bills and stuff. Also, I have been to every home party there is
(except pure romance...and I soooo want to go to one!) and really,
while I am not a HUGE candle person, and I am cheap as the day is
long, I would rather buy a Gold Canyon candle than it's half priced
counterpart at Walmart. That statement alone is why T has been on me
to sell. Ha!

So that's what I got. What about you?

Isabella :)

Friday, Once again.

Woo hoo! This weekend is going to be a fun one!

I am leaving work early to go get my buddle of love! My little niece,
Isabella! She is going to hang out with us this weekend in order to
give mommy and daddy a free weekend to breathe, relax, and maybe
celebrate daddy's birthday :) Isabella is always a fun time, and I
snap up every opportunity to have a wee one in the house. Bee and I
are used to his kids, who are older. We need to be reminded of what it
is like to have a little one about! :)

Tonight we are going to a basketball game. Eastlake North is playing
Willoughby South. It is a HUGE rivalry game. We wouldn't normally go
because we don't live or are from, any of those two places, but they
are taking donations at the door for Chardon. Then, Panini's down the
street will donate 100% of your bill to Chardon as well if you stop
out after the game :)

Saturday, we are going to play, and play, and play! Then, we are going
to watch Bee play some Hockey! After that, there will probably be more
playing, and then LOTS of sleeping ;) Sunday we will play some more
(hopefully outside!) and then take her back home before Bee's second
Hockey game. I can't wait! It will be so much fun! :)

Springy Spring!

It's beautiful in Ohio right now. For realsies. I have 20+ pictures
just like this because I am obsessed with sky pictures right now.
hmmm... anyway...

I want to clean up my yard from...well...last year. Ha! It was never
properly prepared for winter last year, and last spring is rained
1000+ days (I keed...but really...) and then the jungle took over.
Bee and I just barely put a dent in it in AUGUST, and then let it go
into this mild winter. It's looking a little..eh...I just don't know
how/where/have the right tools to start. I want to hire someone to
just do THAT part. However, Bee is vehemently against that idea. He
"put his foot down", end of discussion. Not sure WHY he is so
violently against it. I get thinking it's a waste of money, but he was
like, on FIRE he was so against it. Whateves. As long as it gets done,
I don't care who does it. I also want to start seeds again. Someday
I'd like to have a garden, but we shall see if that will be a reality
this year.

In other news, the ex is acting like she is going to start major shit
in the coming weeks. We had a little incident two weeks ago with her
calling (I am not ok with her calling my house on my house phone that
I pay for at ALL, but Bee finally conceded in November to allow her
TEN minutes every Sunday only. Period. If we are here, fine, if not?
Better luck next week. Meanwhile, she has called THREE Times) on a
Monday. Bee was at a football meeting, the kids were at the park
playing baseball, and I just got home and was walking the dog when she
called. J answered and politely (which is surprising with the level of
HATE she has for the ex) told her the kids weren't there, but she
would check next door. She met me at the door when I told her they
were at the park. She went to tell her the kids were not home and at
the park when the ex interrupted her, called her a "fucking liar" and
a "loser" and how "I see nothing has changed with you". That started
it off. J told her off, and the ex hung up and called right back. *I*
answered (first time I have EVER talked to her) and told her I didn't
appreciate her calling MY house and harassing MY family. One, it's NOT
Sunday, TWO, the kids AREN'T home and to STOP calling. Wait till
SUNDAY and try again. Well, I was cussed out and *I* hung up. She
called back, we told her to stop calling and harassing us. She kept
calling. We finally stopped answering. She called 52 times in 10
minutes. Our police friend told us to start the paper trail and file a
police report. We did.

It caused a big to-do with us and her parents too (because she called
them crying) who we were actually getting along nicely with and they
"punished" us (as in Bee and I) by not coming to the kids' basketball
games. Yeah, wonderful grandparents, I know. Missed little guy's big
moment (he got his 2nd place trophy). Sigh. Anyway, the ex hasn't
really talked about it, like I thought she would. She did mention it a
little bit, but she keeps writing the kids about the vacations (both
out of state and country...including her wedding to her prison
boyfriend whom she has never met) letting the kids choose to live with
them in PA, and as of recently, her being able to call whenever she
wants but she will tell them more about that when they see her next.
They have a lot to talk about!

Uhhh...

1) Bee has custody. FULL custody. She doesn't even have visitation.
Her letters? Her limited talk time both at our house and the
Grandparents house? Her visits with them? All GIFTS from Bee. NOT for
her, but for the kids.

2) When she gets out, the #1 on this list will still hold true. ANY
visitation she is given will be a GIFT and it will be with a court
appointed liaison.

3) Those kids will not leave this CITY with her, let alone the state,
or Country.

And, I have one of the best lawyers in the state who will make that
happen. Woot. Thanks to my little friend I work with. Dude is
SERIOUSLY connected to all the right people.

Moving along.

It's going to be 60 Degrees today. I can get used to that :)

If only the weekend could be longer..

I was *this* close to playing hooky today. Alas, my reasonable side
prevailed. I get 20 days a year. I have used 5 already due to my
uncle's funeral. I want to save my time for summer and next Christmas.

Anywho, we had a busy weekend. Friday I rushed home, only to run right
back out. I needed to get my nails done STAT. Bee likes a nice set of
manicured nails. I told him that wasn't my style. They are expensive.
He said he would pay for it because I should have some time to myself
and feel pretty at the same time. So, I have been going twice a month
since October. Anyway, we had busy and it had been awhile and they
were hurting/coming off (acrylic nails), and Friday was my only window
of time for the next several days. I got to the nail place and it was
PACKED. Eventually, they got me in, and I got them done. They look
nice :) Then, I rushed to the bank and then to WallyWorld for a baby
shower gift, and then back home.

We promised the kids they could do cosmic bowling Friday and bring
friends, so as soon as I got home, we loaded up and headed out to the
bowling alley. The kids had a BLAST. They bowled, they ran around,
they bowled some more, then they even got a game or two of laser tag
in. We ended up staying until midnight, even though we said 11:00pm
would be the latest we would stay because I had to be up at 6:30am the
next day. I ended up making it to bed around 1am, but it was ok. They
had a blast.

Saturday, I was up and ready to leave by 8am. I had to be to Grandma
Bee's house by 8:30 so we could get on the road to the baby shower
which was in PA. I had Bee tell me an alternate route because Grandma
Bee lives in Chardon about 800 feet from the town square, which is
where everyone was meeting, at 8:30, to line the streets to show the
family of Danny Parmertor support and to shield them for any
protesters (Westboro "Baptist Church" said they were going to protest,
but thankfully they did not show). There was going to be over 2,000
people there. I didn't want to have to get stuck in traffic.

Luckily, I had no problem with traffic, but I will tell you just how
emotional it was to see the scene that was the square. News trucks
everywhere with their giant antenna's in the air, thousands of people
walking around. Sea of Red and Black. Many with signs of love and
support. Red Ribbons everywhere. Strangers linking arms and singing.
Holding candles, hugging, crying...so sad.

We got on the road, drove past the high school and saw the flowers and
signs and candles against the sign. We left town and spent the next 3
and a half hours laughing, giggling, talking, and having a blast. I
love Grandma Bee and Miss Ashley. :) We made it to the baby shower
which was decorated BEAUTIFULY! So cute! Her theme was woodland
animals (owls, deer, squirrels etc) I took lots of pictures and I
think they were happy with the ones I got :) We ate, opened presents,
and chit-chatted a bit, then jumped back in the car and headed home. I
got home at about 9:30. About and hour and a half later, Bee came home
from the charity dinner we both were supposed to be at, and then we
went to bed.

Sunday, we got up and rested for a few before grabbing the kids and
heading up to the high school to see our friend's son in his last
theatre production as a high school student. :) He had one of the
leads (Marius) in Les Miserables. He did a WONDERFUL job. It was kind
of sad seeing him and the other lead (his best friend Jacob) in their
last production. I've watched these two since they were Freshman.
Jacob even confessed to a small crush on me and that he "loved" me.
Heehee :) I was a little worried the kids wouldn't like/understand it
because it was all singing and a little over their heads, but they
enjoyed it too. If anything, to be out as a family doing something. J
even was able to bring her new boyfriend! (He's a nice boy..)

After the play, we grabbed some taco bell, and headed home. Bee and I
watched some "Rescue Me" while he got a little Xbox time in before his
hockey game. We all loaded back up in the car and went to the Hockey
Game. I walked around and took lots of pictures of the guys playing
with my fancy camera and the other guys from the other teams were
jealous because "hey! How did THEY get a team photographer?!" haha!
Bee's team all came up to me after asking me if I got there awesome
play on film?! I told them to give me a day or so, and check the
photobucket site and they will all be up. They are already texting Bee
to see how they turned out. Haha! Silly boys...

We came home and watched the rest of the episode of Rescue Me that we
ended with, and then went to bed, but it was still past midnight. And
I have more laundry to do already. And my house still needs to be
cleaned. And C has basketball this week. Ugh! I need TWO days off. One
to sleep. One to clean!

A Friday List!

- Today is my lovely Niece Isabella's Second Birthday! Happy Birthday, Big girl!

- I am excited about my little trip this weekend with the Lovely Miss.
Ashley and Grandma Bee! I also can't wait to take pictures of the baby
shower and my adventure!

- Today, my heart and prayers are with Chardon (they have been all
week). Today is the day that classes resume. They painted the
cafeteria, and spiffed things up a bit for the kids. Something new to
help forget the bad.

- March 9th, two HUGE rival schools are having a charity basketball
game in honor of the familes of the vicitms in Chardon. All donations
will be given to the Chardon fund. Then, Panini's is inviting everone
down after the game and 100% of your bill will be donated. That is
Awesome, in my book.

- I am feeling a little overwhelmed by my yard. It got away from me
last spring, do to all the rain. It never did get properly weeded or
"winterized". Now everthing looks a little on the wild side. I also
see no time to actually go out there and get 'er done. hmmm....How
much is yard service again???

- My niece is coming over for the weekend in two weeks. This excites
me. However, it also reminds me how much time a toddler consumes :)

- I am still loving my kureg. Can't wait to buy all the different
flavors for it!

I'm going on a little trip!

This weekend, Bee's niece (I guess she will be mine too, someday
soon...hopefully soon lol) is expecting in just a few short months!

Her husband and her are in the same boat as Bee and I. He was married
before, had two children, got snipped, got divorced, met a younger
woman who wants babies, and they had to get creative :) They used a
donor and she has had a wonderful pregnancy thus far! However, it's
almost time for baby Eli!

So, Saturday Grandma Bee, myself, and The lovely Miss Ashley (Bee's
and my sister in law) will be heading out to PA! What's even better,
is his sweet sister (the Grandma to be) asked me, since I take such
wonderful pictures, could I please bring my camera and take pictures
of the shower for them! (her words, not mine) I am so honored :) My
firs gig, haha! She offered to pay me, but I refused. I am just happy
to do it!