Thursday, May 27, 2010

Itsy Bitsy Spider...

I have a long standing hatred for bugs. I don't mind RED lady bugs too much, and lightning bugs are pretty, from a night....butterflies are pretty too, and I hate Bee's (well, except for mine ;) ) and you can just forget about spiders...however, if any of them touch me, I freak out. I mean, I love camping, but my hatred for bugs is why I prefer being drunk when I camp lol!

Anyway, Bee and I live in a house that is pretty much in the woods. There is also a creek about 15 feet from the back of the house. So, as you can imagine, we are like a mecca for bugs. Specifically, right now, ants and spiders. If you know anything about these two bugs, you will know that they are arch enemies! Because the ground is drying out, we are being infested with ants. Big, black, fat-bottomed, ugly, super fast crawling ants that crunch when you squish them. Couple that with the fact there are two children running around under the age of 10 who can't seem to get food or drink, especially the kinds filled with sugar, in their mouths. It ends up on the floor, and if I am not there at that very second, the ants create a flash-mob, and swarm in. For this fact alone, the spiders in my house and I have a pact. Do your job and kill the ants, stay at least an arms length away from me, and never ever ever touch me, and you may live another spidery day.

So, this morning, I turn the shower on, undress, and step into the shower. I am immediately face to face with probably the worlds biggest daddy long legs spider! It scared me so bad I nearly jumped out of my skin! However, he was up on the wall near the shower head and he was holding onto what appeared to be a giant, silk-wrapped ant! I believe I interrupted his breakfast. So, With eyes locked firmly on him, I decided to hurry and shower and leave him be. However, he decided to high-tail it out of there (apparently, he either likes to eat alone or didn't like seeing me naked! lol) and started crawling along the wall. Well, he was dragging this massive ant with him and it was starting to get steamy and he kept losing his footing and slipping...then he'd catch himself...all while I talked to him..

"Dude. Just chill! I'll be done in like 5 minutes, then the shower is all yours! Ah! Dude! I just said....seriously, if you keep that up...ahhhh! Ok, ok, stop that! You're gonna fall! If you fall...or even touch the bathtub surround, I'm going to have to wash you down the drain...and I REALLY don't want to...looks like you've worked hard on that...hey! hey! Stay there!"

He didn't listen. He kept trying to scurry away. And, that's when it happened. He dropped his award winning kill. It hit the shower floor at the back of the shower. Now, let me just tell you, I don't know if a spider has facial expressions, or emotions...but he just stayed there..."staring" at the ground....and I could only imagine how pissed he was. If he could have smacked his spidery head, I bet you he would have. He just stayed there for like 5 minutes...just staring. Then he crawled up in the corner and I really think he was pouting!!

At that point, even though he was dangerously close to me, I couldn't kill him. I really felt bad. After I got out of the shower, he started working his way down to where his yummy breakfast lay, soaked with shower water. I think he was thinking, "I worked too damn hard for that!" Haha!

I really hope he was still able to eat it!

1 comment:

Amander said...

Yeah, I just squash all bugs on the spot. I feel no pity for them.