My Day Book Entry #11

Today is...

June 2nd, 2010

Outside My Window...

Overcast and about 70 degrees. We are supposed to see 83, but with Thunderstorms. I can handle that :)

I am Thinking...

that is had been a very busy and stressful week. I haven't written much, and I miss it. I'm coming back lovey's. Really, I am! On one hand, I created this blog to express my feelings, to vent, and to keep track of my family and how we grow and change everyday. I am not the best at expressing my feelings in person, so I thought this blog would help. However, I don't want every entry to be a venting entry, or only filled with negative things, because my life is actually the opposite...I have a wonderful life, and wonderful family and friends...but when there is only negative on your mind....hence why I took my short little break. I plan on discussing the bad stuff, but wanted to wait until I could do it from the "other side", or when I am feeling more positive :)

I am thankful for...

the fact that no matter what, my Bee loves me and chooses to be with me, and I love him and choose to be with him.

What I have learned this week...

That no matter how much we fight, what we fight about, how angry and frustrated we get, it all still comes from how much we love each other and after it's all out of our system, and we've cried, yelled, pounded our fists, we can STILL look at each other and kiss the tears away and apologize. Apologize, and mean it. And then curl up and hold each other tight as we sleep. I guess we both have a hard time expressing ourselves in the correct way.

We are laid back people who socialize easily, but when it's time to get to the root of things, we are afraid to say what's on our hearts and minds for fear of rejection, or hurting the other person. We bottle it up, shove it back down, and it builds up over time until eventually it explodes into a hale storm of random and misplaced anger. As a couple, we need to work on that.

I am wearing...

Jean Skirt, Black Sandals, black flowy top and a purple 3/4 length light sweater.

I am creating...

this blog entry ;)

I am going...

to spend Saturday evening (after I film Bee's Game) with BFF Rose at her house. Girl time. Then, Sunday we are going to her son's graduation from High School! The whole BFF Rose family will be in town!!! Yay! (I was a week off. Graduation is this weekend, not last.)

I am reading...

My Facebook Updates. Ah, Gotta love the Faceboo as Bee and I call it. I personally just like the word FACE and think it should always be in all capital letters. lol!

I am hoping...

to be able to give Bee a little alone time, sometime in the next few days on the Motorcycle. He's been wanting to get on it and ride! I LOVE riding on the bike. If you read my big huge long entry on how I met Bee, the fact he HAD one was the only reason I even really took down his number. One of the things we fought about this weekend was how he wants to get on the bike and ride...by HIMSELF. He needs me to watch the kids. HIS kids. This upsets me because while I don't mind watching the kids for him, I want to go on the bike with him. But, while I am selfish when it comes to him and can admit that, (I mean, I have to share him IE: His attention, with work, his kids, Football, Football players, Football coaches from both his team and his daughters, Football team matters, AND his friends and family, there is literally a total of one hour a day that is just mine. But, I have to share that with the fact that he has to sleep too...) he is a guy. While not ALL guys require it, most feel the need for at least a couple hours a month of alone time, or guy time, or whatever it is they want to call it and honestly, if it puts him in a better and more relaxed mood, then so be it.

I am hearing...

The crunch of the ice that I am chewing on, people talking. Usual office banter.

Around the House...

Well, Kids have two more days of school left. I am still not too sure about what we are going to do with them on Mondays and Fridays....but that's how my Bee works. See, if they were MY children, summer child care would have been settled and taken care of back in March....but that's how I roll. He's more of a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants type of guy. It pretty much drives me crazy, but in the end, it always works out for him. I am sure between Grandma Bee, the ex-'s parents, and his 16 year old, he'll have it worked out. On the days he doesn't, well.....his boss is pretty understanding and he usually takes them to work with him. I got the final ok to take off the very last week of June/first week of July for Arizona so I am pretty excited about that. I am getting a little stressed though because my lease at my apartment is up on September 1st. I have to give them about 60days notice that I am not renewing. I have to pack. We have to pack Bee's house. We still don't even know 100% if we are going to Arizona by the end of this year...I just have a feeling it's all going to come to a head at once and we are going to be forced to run around like crazy people between packing my place, packing his place, football, work, and moving (weather it's moving someplace around here or to Arizona). I hate disorganization. I really do.

One of my Favorite things this week...

Well, by far my THREE favorite things this week were: Sunday night, after fighting Friday night, Saturday night, and part of Sunday, Bee was playing Xbox and I was sitting there watching him when he told me softly, "Pick up that controller". I did, and we played Call of Duty for two hours. He WHOOPED my butt big time, but honestly, I think it was the most fun he has ever had playing that game...or at the very least, the most fun he has had with ME doing stuff together. After he gave me the beating of a lifetime and our sides hurt so bad from laughing, we played his new racing game and I whooped him! It was awesome! I don't really like competition. I guess it's because I don't like to get my hopes up on winning, only to be let down if it doesn't happen. So, I usually just "watch". However, it the fact that I was beating HIM at his racing game, Mr. I-am-Really-Good-At-Video-Games, was a great feeling. I think it even gave him a new respect for me :) My Second favorite thing was on Monday morning when someone was giving away free kittens at the parade, Bee said I could have one. I have wanted a kitten for like two years! Well, really, my whole life. My mom and sister are allergic so when I lived at home, it was a definite no. Then, my roommate had a cat and she said no. Then, I found a stray she let me keep, but that kitten passed away after a few months...I have wanted one ever since and Bee has said no...or "maybe when we move". However, I turned down the free kittens because moving with a pet sucks, We had 10+ hours before we were going to be home and we had no food/litter box and I wasn't going to look for one at 10pm on Memorial day. and the Final thing was when Bee and I were fighting on Monday night, I told him I was "going home" to my apartment and he kept telling me "You ARE home! THIS is your home! Your HOME is where your FAMILY is and Me and the kids are your FAMILY!" That's the first time he has referred to us that way.

A Picture Thought...

"C" jumped at the chance to bury Little Man at the Beach on Saturday! One more thing to add to my "Your a Mom now, dumbass" checklist....Ahem, MAKE kids SHOWER after swimming in the lake all day. I didn't think to make them do that and poor Little Man got a rash on his face from the ickies in the lake!