Monday, August 2, 2010

Not losing sleep...

So, I've never been one to hold a grudge. This is true for a few of reasons:

  1. My Mother beat it (sometimes literally) into my head that we are not allowed to hold a grudge because God tells us that he can not forgive us of our sins if we can not forgive others of theirs towards us. I also think there is something in there about a splinter or a log in your eye, and God knows, I don't want that!
  2. It takes way too much energy to stay mad at someone. Especially, someone you love.
  3. I'm lazy
  4. I don't have a good memory, so often I forget why I am even mad.

I have stewed on the whole BFF Rose thing all weekend. Saturday, while I acted calm and collected with her on the phone and reassured her everything would be ok, I was really upset most of the day. As time went on, I got more and more upset, however, after sleeping on it, and talking to a few other people, I've realized that really, BFF Rose and I are way to close to let this tear us apart.

I'm not happy she is dating an ex of mine that actually meant something to me. It WILL be awkward when I have to see them together or hear about them as a couple (We all know we gush to our girls about the boys we're seeing). It's going to be hard, for me to keep a dull tongue when all I want to do is spit venom, but above all, she is my friend. My Best Friend. The only one who has and will stick up for me and or take my side when all others disappeared. She calmly, and patiently listens as I prattle on about my life for hours, with her unable to get a word in edgewise sometimes. And, honestly, I'd miss her too much. We have just too much darn history. *sigh*

In other news, Bee finally help me double team the Basement of Horror yesterday! We cleaned out one whole room and half of another in 2 hours. His ex-wife bought a lot of stuff. I mean, a LOT. It honestly took 2 hours to clean one and a half rooms that were no bigger than 100 Sq FT. There were 4 of us down there. Me, Bee, Young Miss Caitlyn, and "C". Young Miss Caitlyn and I were just grabbing stuff by the armload and stuffing it in garbage bags before Bee or "C" could see what we had. Honestly, I've been coming out to Bee's house for a year and a half now. This stuff on the floor and stacked up down there has been in the same exact spot since the first time I was out there. I doubt he'll miss it.

I have made it a point to get rid of, or put in the pile to give back, anything and everything that was hers that spoke of her personality and or style (Wedding china, dishes, holiday decorations) because I don't want ANYTHING in our new house that speaks of "her" (other than the kids of course, ha!) I want my own stuff. I want my own holiday decorations that 25 years from now Bee and I can look back on with nostalgia and say "Remember when...". However, while digging out the one storage room, Bee found tons of dishes, pots and pans, a Wok, and other serving bowls that were still in packages, never been opened, that he had never even seen before. I couldn't get rid of them. I figured, she'd never used them, and they had never been sat out for anyone to see, I could have them and make them my own. In the long run, I'll end up paying for them anyway because eventually, they are going to come after Bee for the money for the house. If they don't, the foreclosure will be on his credit anyway, which will mean I will have to pay more for things (higher interest rate), or flat out be denied for things, like credit, because we don't qualify (I understand that even if we get married, his debt before me doesn't count against me, but I can't qualify for larger loans on my own, and if he can't qualify as a co-signer...) At any rate, tonight, after I stop off and pay my rent for the last time at my apartment, and maybe grab a few loads of stuff, I am coming home two work on the other half of the one room, and see if I can clean out the pantry. Ah, the joys of nesting.

We got the final word from Walt. We sign the lease Tuesday (tomorrow) and we move in August 13th. I am so excited I could pee. As for Bee, he is excited too. :)

1 comment:

Amander said...

Congrats again on the house - it will be fun to make great new memories there!

And good for you on not holding a grudge.