Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Mothers Day: Part 1!

Mothers Day is always a sticky topic with me for several reasons. The first one (which has been the main reason for a long time) is my mom. I love my mama. I do. If I could give her the sun, the moon, and the sky, I would. I would do anything for her. Anything. But, when Mother's Day rolls around, it's always the same old story. I'm broke. I'm busy. I have to work. SOMETHING. Usually, I am always broke.

Mom also has known to throw colossal fits if what we do for her is not up to her standards. Once, she didn't talk to me for a whole week because my Mother's Day festivities weren't up to her liking. I didn't do enough, or I did the wrong thing, or whatever. So, when May 1st rolls around, I start stressing...

Now, my mom has mellowed a bit over the last 2-3 years and has become more laid back about it, and before ya'll start thinking my mom is a colossal bitch, let me just say, after "becoming a mom" myself, I get it now.

It's not that you want your kids to spend tons of money on you. It's not that you want them to throw you a parade (although if your kids did that, it would be totally bitchin!) it's not that you even want them to worship you or anything. It's simply this. You sacrifice you for them. You give up everything you have both physically and mentally for them. You go without new clothes, new glasses (sometimes, if you are like my mom, it's no big deal to go 10 years in between prescriptions), food, or even sometimes you go without paying your bills to help your kids out. You give up relaxation, sleep, and your time for them. You work one, two, or three jobs for them, and if you have job (s) that take you out of the home, you have to come home and immediately start the job of maid/cook/and care taker. Granted, you chose this and I have yet to meet one mother who would tell you it wasn't worth the sacrifice...and all would do it over in a heartbeat...

But sometimes....sometimes you just want to be acknowledged. Someone to say "Thank you for being super, ultra, mega, Awesome-sauce". "Thanks for all that you do for me, mom". "I see you. I notice what you sacrifice, and I'm grateful". If you have to ask for it, or prompt it in any way, it cheapens it and makes it fake, and you don't want it. And sometimes, we want that validation so bad that we build it up to be this big production in our minds, that when our kid hands us some store bought card and just signs their name all generic like, we tend to feel really let down and unappreciated. Then we lose our schmidt. Now that I play mom to three great kids, I understand this.

Now, I have never admitted this to anyone, so here goes. While I do all the things a mom does, and I do them because like MOST moms, I want to do them, because it comes from a place of love, I also feel that since I don't have to do anything it is I do because I did not give birth to these children, and as shitty and waste of space that they are, they HAVE mothers, my sacrifice is that much more of a sacrifice. Yes, totally self serving, and pat of the back-y of me, I know. But deep down..down where only God can see, that's how I feel. I don't think that makes me entitled to anything more, or what have you, but I guess I feel like 1.5 seconds could be taken on MOTHER'S DAY to wish me a happy Mother's Day too.

I would never never never expect this from the children. J is 17. She has known me 2 years. Of that 2 years she has lived with me as the female authority figure in her life for roughly 8 months. She's damn near an adult. The last "step mom" she had treated her like a 3rd class citizen and paid more attention to the gunk on the bottom of her expensive stolen shoes than J. As for C and Little Man, they are young. Their mom still has "hero status" that as young kids our parents have. Their mom was sent away when they were still too young to really grasp what she did and how she totally screwed them over. I mean, they know she was "bad" and that she "lied", but really, I think they kinda just think that their mom got the shaft, and then dad moved this chick in. They like me, and I can even go as far as to say they love me too. Like an Aunt or something, but still, they love me. I'm there for them, and I do the things a mom would do, like a housekeeper you are really fond of. But they aren't of a maturity level or understanding as to just what a sacrifice it is that I do for them (no kids their age really are though)

No, what I was looking for was from Bee. Something that stated he thought I was doing a good job and being a mother figure for his kids. That he appreciated what I was doing. Last year, I didn't even get an acknowledgement on Mothers day. (Come to think of it, I don't think his own mom did either lol) So this year when it was starting to roll around, I started getting kinda down. Feeling left out. But, then the day rolled around and It started with him cuddling me and telling me how happy and in love with me he is. Then he actually wished me a Happy mothers day, and told me I do a good job! That made my day! :) We are actually having his mom and my family over this coming Sunday for a brunch to celebrate (we all get paid this weekend so it makes it easier ;)  ) so, while I don't think he'll have a gift or anything for me, he DID remember to at least wish me Happy Mother's Day and then later he bought me an East Coast Custard after we did the grocery shopping. :)

Stay tuned for Part 2 on Sunday! Hope you all had a great day!

1 comment:

Amander said...

I think everyone wants acknowledgement for the hard work they put in to things - glad Bee appreciates you!