Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Phase one, complete. On to Phase 2.

Bee and I have spent the last several months in some serious talks. After the great sadness, we needed to put out on the table where we were in our relationship and where we wanted to be. We needed to get serious, and honest, and make sure we were both in agreement as to where we wanted to end up. This brought up my feelings of angst toward the fact that we have been together going on 3 years, live together, share money and bills, and yet, while I am promised marriage and a baby, time ticks by. At 30 (31 in less than a month), that ticking is mind blowingly loud.

Bee means well. He wants to do those things. Heck, he has a laundry list of things he wants to do. However, he putzes. He takes his time. He is in no hurry. Which, for the most part is fine in every other aspect of his "to do" list (although, I would REALLY like to be able to park my car in the garage, have all the light bulbs that need to be changed that require a ladder and tools, changed, and after 2 years, finally have my dryer hooked up to the vent so it dryes in ONE cycle, not 15.), except for the whole Marriage and Baby thing.

However, since Bee has been snipped, for us to have a baby, we will require the help of medical professionals. One time, about 6 months ago when I brought up the fact, he told me to go ahead and make us an appointment to talk to someone. Now, I didn't take him seriously for several reasons.
  1. He was playing his xbox and he was getting annoyed that I was breaking his concentration. His tone was dismissive.
  2. I have learned in my life never to take a man seriously about these things until there is at LEAST a ring on my finger.

I figured, when he got off his ass and proposed, we planned and executed the wedding, THEN I would make the appointment.

About a month ago, we were having dinner. A nice, quiet dinner out, just the two us of. He brought up selling his truck and what he would do with the money (football stuff). I suggested maybe save it for a wedding, and a baby that was going to require money to make happen. This started a heated discussion that resulted in me crying, and our dinner ruined, and me feeling like an ass. Now, while my points were valid, he had some too. Like, wanting to surprise me, and the more I talked about it and pressured him as to when?when?when?when?now?now?now?, the less I would be surprised and I was being a jerk. He also mentioned that he was waiting on ME to make the doctor's appointments. Get the ball rolling. We can get it started, find out how much time we will need to save etc, and then that way we can get married, and be READY to get pregnant.

I am not saying that it didn't make sense, because it did. However, it just goes to show he needs to communicate WAY better. I still think the baby issue should not determine his proposal, but whateves. It's how his brain has processed the timeline, therefore, that's how it is going to be. This much I have learned from being with Bee. Everything has it's proper place on his timeline. I'm ok with that. I also felt like a jerk because he was hurt that I would think that he would tell me to make an appointment to get the ball started on having a baby, something that he knows means so much to me, only to not be 100% completely serious and ready. To that, all I could say is that while you shouldn't live in your past, if you don't learn from it, it will only repeat itself in your future.

So, here we are. I have no doctors. I haven't seen a doctor, other than a clinic doctor last year when I had a sinus infection, in the last 6 years. I live an hour away from any doctor I have seen in the past, so I started fresh. I found a general practitioner and made an appointment. It was last Wednesday. He is a really nice man and I liked him a lot. From my examination, he said I am healthy as an ox, however I couldn't get my blood work done that day, so we'll know more on the 4th when I go and get that done. He also gave me the name of an OBGYN, who I see on the 4th. After I meet with her, I will ask her what Bee and I need to do about getting pregnant. I am assuming she will refer us to a specialist, but we will see. Ideally, we would like to have a baby that is biologically both of ours. I read where they can take a needle (Bee is thrilled) and go right into his no-no-boy-parts, and take the sperm out (editors note: If you are asking yourself, why doesn't he just get it reversed, the answer is that he had the super-ultra-mega-never-gonna-have-kids-again snippy surgery where they removed part of the tuby thing and burned it closed. Not to mention, reversals are only effective 40% of the time and that's IF you get it done within 4 years of the original. It's been 9 for him). If that doesn't work, or is too insanely expensive, we are planning on using a donor. (As in, from a sperm bank, not someone we know).

I am hoping and praying this can all be done relatively easily and not cost us an arm and a leg. Bee's niece was in the same situation. Her new husband has two kids from a previous marriage and was snipped. They went the donor route (I don't know if they opted out of the above method, or didn't know about it) and it cost them $750 after 2 tries. We can swing that. We can not swing $10-$20 grand, which is what some couples pay for infertility treatments. I am praying! We should know more after November 4th :)

1 comment:

Sarah said...

Praying for you through this process! :)