Thursday, December 2, 2010

A Little Frustration...brace yourself for a rant..

At the fact that I have no children of my very own, yet I know more about what it takes to be a parent than a lot of people.

I don't know if it's the holidays or if it is just simply I have some much frustration built up that I notice it more...UGH!

People should be born sterile and in order to have kids, you must take classes, and get a College degree in child rearing before you are given the ability to make children.

BFF Rose is fighting with her 18 year old son's father. They divorced when Kam was 7. The dad? He up and moved to Arizona and didn't talk to his son until he moved back 5 years later. Then, he requested that Kam come live with him because he didn't want to pay child support. Those were his actual words. BFF Rose allowed it only because Kam grew up in a good city with a really good school district. It was the only thing that kept her in that city and paying expensive rent. If he moved with his dad, he could live in a nice big house and keep attending his good school because Dad married into money. Plus, he was 12 and becoming a teenager and needed a positive male influence in his life and BFF Rose's boyfriend sucked at life, so she figured she's let him get to know his dad.

Kam hated living there. Hated his step mom. He was treated like a babysitter for the new baby and a work horse. He got a job and saved every paycheck. Didn't spend a dime because he wanted to buy a car. He had $4,000 saved and asked his dad to take him to the bank so he could get his money because he found a car and a mechanic friend of BFF Rose's checked it out and said it was a good deal. His dad then confessed, without even a trace of remorse, that he let his brother (who has problems with money) "borrow" the money about 6 months ago. Kam never did see a dime of that money, and when he did get a car, his dad expected BFF rose to "Chip in" half because he shouldn't be expected to pay it all on his own.

There are many other factors that makes him a grade "A" douche, but that's the one that sticks with me the most. That, and kicking him out at 17 because he couldn't "handle" him. Here's the thing. Kam is a straight "A" student. Never had a detention. Never in a fight. Has good, wholesome friends, and is an all around good kid. A little lazy, yes, when it comes to picking up after himself...or getting out of bed before 4pm...but a good kid. He finished up his last year at BFF Rose's house, and is taking the year off from College to figure out what he wants to do. His dad is upset and spent the last three days telling BFF Rose what a crappy parent she is, how she screwed up their kid, and how she can't find anyone to share her life with, that's why she is latching on to their son. And he removed Kam from his health iinsurance.

He pisses me off.

Then there is Miss A. She is having troubles with her jerk of an Ex too. His M.O. seems to be the same as BFF Rose's ex. Latch on to a woman with a good job and money in the bank. Bleed them dry. Have a kid or two. Then repeat. He spent the week accusing her from his new girlfriend's house that he lives with, about the kid's winter coats. They're old (one year), They're Dirty (They were washed a week ago. They're boys), They're not warm enough (They are double lined with fleece). So, this equals her being a bad parent. He bought them new jackets (I'm assuming this means the girlfriend did), but they were not sent home in them because HE bought them, so HE is keeping them at HIS house. So, Miss A then had to go out and spend money she had not planned on to buy the boys new winter coats for HER house.

Then, there is MY hive. I had had enough last night. I have heard from J who is included on the kid's letters from their mom little snippets here and there of all the wonderful things she's said about me. How "if only" she could be there to "buy them the things they need" like a "good parent" should. Like boots for winter and winter coats! Oh! The horror! Grandma S made a few comments about that too. Ok, lets get a few things straight. One, when she was "here", she STOLE to get the things SHE wanted. At least I can say I have earned every Gosh Darn penny that is in my pocket. Second,  C and Little man would wear shorts and tshirts, outsides, in shoes with no socks, every day of the year. Rain, Sleet, Snow, Ice, Monsoon. They would do it, and not think twice. Since October 1st, I have not allowed any of them, even on days where it was 60 degrees,  to walk out of our house in anything less than shoes WITH socks, and long pants. Short sleeves may be worn, but you WILL carry a coat/jacket/hoodie with you in case it gets cold.

Also? It's DECEMBER 2ND. And up until yesterday, we hadn't seen nary a snowflake. In fact, the temperature had yet to even dip below 40 degrees. 40 degrees does not require boots and parkas. Their tennis shoes and wool lined jackets were fine. And, if they are so concerned, why didn't they buy boots and coats?

Bee decided since it did snow yesterday, it was time to get the kids at least boots. Their coats are fine. Before we left, I went and got the mail. The kids had two letters from their mom. The back of one had a letter to Bee on it which said

"What am I to tell my children when they ask me how it is you can spend $70.00 on a video game, but can't afford the $6.00 a week to allow the service on your phone to accept my phone calls? How come it's ok for their Sister to talk to HER mother on a phone you pay for , but I can't talk to mine? It's HER and her HATE for me, isn't it? That's not fair. I pay $5.00 a call, you can at least be human enough to pay $1.50 a week to let me talk to my kids".
This pissed me off for several reasons. One. That's between YOU and Bee. Not the kids. Don't write that stuff on their letters. Two. It's a hell of a lot more than $6.00 a month for her to call on our phone. It's like $150.00. I'll be damned if I am going to pay that. I might consider it if she wasn't such a suckhole. Three. The phone is in MY name, if she has a problem with the above, she can take it up with ME. If she keeps it up, I'll block every number coming out of that place. Her mom's too. NONE of them will be able to call the house. Four. J gets to talk to her mom whenever she wants because she is NOT an asshat AND because her calls are FREE because SHE is not in PRISON!

I also told be I was sick of it. Sick of being disrespected in my own house like that. He called C and Little Man together and told them to stop telling their mother what she wants to hear. She is already delusional, and when she says things like "I know you are so unhappy there" DON'T Agree. It only makes it worse, because then HE gets letters asking him why are they so miserable when they clearly are not. He asked them if they were and they both agreed they weren't. He said "STOP telling her lies. STOP telling her you HATE certain people in this house because I know you don't. And if you do, you need to tell ME and that certain person can stop doing all the wonderful, loving things she does for you. It's disrespectful, it's hurtful, and most important, it's NOT TRUE. Your mother lied, stole, and did lots of bad things. She is where she deserves to be. She chose it. Not me. She chose to leave us. Remember that. I have moved on. I have forgiven her, but I will never forget and I will never take her back, so when she says things to you about us all going back to how it was? It's Bull. I am with "Monkee", and that's final and will not change. J can talk to her mom because it's free and she is not in prison. You can't talk to yours because it cost a hell of a lot more than $6.00. and we can't afford that because you guys also like to eat, wear clothes, have a warm house, and watch TV. And really, I don't like the idea of you being under her influence every day."

I doubt it'll change much...but it least made me feel better.....and hopefully him too. We left to go get boots, and $75.00 later ( For KIDS PAYLESS...WTF?) , returned home.  J didn't get any because she said she had a pair, but they were in storage. Her mom called later and she asked her about them and her mom said that they were ripped and gotten thrown away. J said that next time she saw her mom, they'd have to go get her boots then. Her mom said "Well, tell your dad to get you boots because I can't afford it. It's a strain on me financially just coming to see you"

I got pissed off all over again. Um, she lives 5 minutes down the road from us. Not exaggerating. Bee has offered to drop J off there, but she says no. She's already dropped her visitation back to Wednesday's and every other Saturday. As for the boots? J saw a pair she liked for $26.00. Twenty Six American dollars. It's your KID for goodness sake. She is not working, but she gets SSI AND WELFARE. For Both kids. Neither of which live with her right now.  Even when she lived with her mom, Bee paid for everything for J. Everything. We still pay for everything  except we get nothing other than our paychecks in which we earned, by you know, working. Bee and I are not in dire straights or anything, but at the end of the month, while we can say that every last bill is paid and current, we have VERY little left over to do things with. Like, buy new boots. Or Go out to eat. Or buy more than just the essentials at the grocery store.

You know, I might not have birthed these kids out of my body, but I sure love them enough to sacrifice things I want or even need, to make sure they have what they need.

But, then again, I guess that's why both of these women leave it up to me to take care of their kids.



Sarah said...

Oh my word. All I have to say is thank GOD that these kids have the home you and Bee have made AND have the parents that you and Bee are. You truly are an amazing mom.

Amander said...

Ha! We always joke at work about how birth control should be mandatory in the water and if you want the antidote you have to pass a series of tests.

I'm sure you are a great mom! You just have to do the best you can with your situation :)