Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Sometimes, things just don't work out.

So, I got a text from my brother yesterday. He is back at home, living with my parents. I called and talked to my mama and I said, "I hear you have a roommate..." she said "Yeah, he walked in last night and took us by surprise. He showed me his suitcase and I said "Oh, I see you have left" and he said "Mama, I tried. I really, really, really, tried." and then burst into tears and sobbed in my arms for two hours"

Broke my heart.

Here's the thing. My brother met his girlfriend because she was the girlfriend of his best and oldest friends from before he moved in with us. She was pregnant at the time with D's child. My brother, D, and her all hung out. Every day, almost. The baby was born, my brother was named the godfather, and he loved that little girl to bits! D and Jessica ended up breaking up, but he still lived there. Mainly because he had nowhere else to go, and she needed help with the baby while she was at work. My brother was still always there because he was friends with D. Well, somehow, at sometime, my brother and Jessica decided that their hate for one another was really passion and well...they started "seeing" each other, quietly. My brother was torn because D was his friend, and that was the mother of D's child and D still wanted to make things work with her, and here he was, being the slimy friend. They were at the point of trying to figure out if they liked each other enough to make a go of it, and risk everything, because then, they would have to tell D, or stop all together and be done with it, when she found out she was pregnant with my brothers child.

They decided to make a go of it.

Now, I met Jessica and I was not wowed by her like I was with my brother's previous serious girlfriend. (I loved her. I REALLY wanted us to be sisters!) But, that was who my brother wanted to be with, and she was going to be his child's mother, so, I gave her a shot. In the end, she's not so bad. I don't really think she has much in the way of personality, but she was always nice to me an my family and I supported my brother because that was who he chose. What I didn't like about her was her total apathy towards her child. Every time they would come over to my parents house, she would sit down wherever and relax. Eat, read a magazine, watch a movie, whatever and meanwhile my brother was literally chasing her 1 1/2 year old around making sure she wasn't getting into anything. He fed her at meal time, changed her, played with her, disciplined her, and held her. Jessica, never moved or even acknowledged her daughter. At first, I just figured, she was pregnant and tired (she was still working too) and they were at my parents house, but after seeing her at home, I realized, that's just how she is.

After the baby was born, she continued in the same pattern, and when she did do something, it was with the oldest and my brother was left with the baby. He has raised my niece since she was an infant this whole first year. Now, if my brother isn't home, she will get the baby if she cries, feed it, change it, whatever, but the second he walks in the door, she hands both over to him and grabs a couple or three beers and goes upstairs and shuts the door saying "I've had them all day. It's YOUR turn". He eventually quit the job I got him because she was upset he was working and not home taking care of the kids. She quit her job too. They live, well, SHE lives with her dad and gets welfare and WIC. She didn't care if anyone was working or that my brother was trying to make it so they could get a place of their own and not have his children be welfare babies.

Now, I'm not saying my brother is completely innocent. I've lived with him before. I know how he is. He recently rekindled a friendship he had with one of his guy friends. Chuck is a good guy and a positive influence on my brother in a lot of ways. Problem is, Chuck is single and has no life, so he tends to overstay his welcome. I had heard he was at their house every.single.night. till the wee hours of the morning. My brother is also kind of immature and acts stupid from time to time. I'm sure he had his part in it too...

On one hand, I am very sad because I know he is hurting. He misses his kids (I say that plural because D's little girl loved him and called him "mom-as" (his name is Thomas) and he was her daddy because her's doesn't come around too often) and he is dying without his daughter. I am also sad because they couldn't work it out. Love is so hard sometimes. Especially that young. Especially when you throw two young children into the mix. However, Thomas is strong, he'll get through, and he will still be a great daddy to his daughter. I hope he is able to be a part of her other daughters life too.

didn't see him much, and I understood. However, we've talked and he plans on spending more time getting to know his niece's and nephew, and future brother-in-law (someday, hopefully).

Best part is? Him AND the baby are comming to Dinner Tomorrow!!


Amander said...

Well, it sounds like a crappy situation, but I'm glad that you will have him and the baby over for dinner!

Sarah said...

That's so sad! It is a very good thing that he has a supportive family. Enjoy your Thanksgiving!