My Daybook Entry #2

Today is...
March 31, 2010.

Outside My Window...
SUN!!!! Beautiful, glorious, life sustaining, Mood improving SUN! It's a bit chilly out (Roughly 39 degrees) but, by the end of the day it is supposed to be in the low 60's and tomorrow and the rest of the week it will be low 70's and SUN!!!!



I am Thinking...
about how happy I am. Bee and I are doing great. The kids are doing great. His Divorce is finally final and I just feel like now we can move on. We can close that ugly chapter and start our lives together...



I am thankful for...
My family and friends. They always love and support me no matter what. They are always there to make me laugh, offer their shoulder for me to cry on, lend and ear so I can vent, or just sit quietly in the same room with me to just be with me. I love them for that. :)



What I have learned this week...
When my mom is gone for long extended periods of time...I really really really miss seeing her face :) AND I now fully understand her and why she used to nag us when my sister and brother and I were younger because I find her words coming out of my mouth all...the...time... now.



I am wearing...
This question kinda creeps me out..but ok. Brown open-backed sandal-ey type shoes, no socks, blue jeans, brown tank top, and brown cardigan sweater. Hair is down and straight.



I am creating...
a loving and stable environment for Bee's kids. At least, I would like to think I am at least helping in that department.



I am going...
To the kiddo's spring concert tonight at school with Bee. I was invited by two of the performers. I seriously haven't been this excited about something in awhile :)



I am reading... "The Shack". I haven't even picked it up since last week. Well, I did. But that was to move it off the kitchen table and to my night stand. Ha! I want to finish it though, I have books in Que waiting to be read!



I am hoping...
to get started on packing up Bee's house very shortly. Arizona or not, he NEEDS to be out of there...and SOON. The longer he puts it off the more rushed he will be when the time comes...



I am hearing...
"IIII'm Scooping up my baby bum-ble bee! Won't my momma be so proud of mee-ee!" over and over in my head. Thanks to Bee's brother...who was singing it to Bee at work this morning when I called him. Apparently, Bee's brother and his girlfriend (Not my "band friend") think it's oh-so cute that I call him "Bee".



Around the House...
Ugh...it needs to be cleaned. De-Cluttered. Packed up. Well, at least sorted through and all the garbage needs to be pitched, donations need to be donated, for keeps stuff needs to be packed, or at least organized so that when it's time to pack it, it can be easily and quickly packed....it all makes me head swim and here is where Bee and I butt heads. I am not OCD, but I like organization. I despise clutter (I grew up in a house that thrived on it), I like Clean and orderly. I like to have a plan. I like to be able to see around the corner. Bee is not like that. He is laid back, easy going, clutter, messes, disorder? None of that bothers him. He takes life as it comes at him...I hope we can meet in the middle somewhere... :)



One of my Favorite things this week...
Other than finding out the "Wicked old witch is dead!"? I would have to say the Team Fundraiser. It was a blast. We had fun, the guys had fun, and it was a really nice and profitable way to start off the season.


A Few Plans this week...
Well, the Kiddos are going to grandma and grandpa's house ("her" parents) on Thursday night and are staying until Saturday early evening. So, we will have time to ourselves. Yay! :) Don't get me wrong, I love the kids and love spending time with them and by Saturday night, I will be missing them and counting the hours until they are home...but time away is good too :) We are going to see Bee's brother's band again Friday night. I work half day on Friday so that should be nice as well. Not too sure about Easter plans. Probably my parents house. :)



A Picture Thought...
My Dad is a Cowboy. Cowboy's fit in good out in Arizona :)

Weekend Recap

Wow! We sure had a busy weekend! It was fun though. Nice to get out of the house and be doing something. I tend to hibernate in the winter, so when spring gets here, it's nice to have places to go and things to do. Bee and I got to spend a lot of quality time together as well...without kiddos! :)

Friday night, Bee's Mom picked up His 16 year old and the two young ones and took them to her house. After I got out of work, Bee and I drove out to the "West Side" for the football team fundraiser. We had a blast! Good turn out too! We sold 65 tickets at $20.00 a person! We all had some adult beverages and good food followed by dancing with a groovy Disco band. I got to see my "BFF Rose" too! She came out since we were partying near her house.





After we left, Bee and I were too tired to make it all the way back to his house. So, we crashed at my apartment. It was nice. I love my apartment but since Bee and I Have gotten back together, I am almost never there. Because of that fact, I think someone thought they could go ahead and park in my assigned parking spot that I pay for every month. This didn't make me too happy. I marched right up to security and demanded they rectify the situation right away. Bee, and the security guards thought I was hilarious. I am sure I was a silly sight, but it really did make me mad. I DO pay for that spot...so if I chose NOT to park there (IE: Stay at my boyfriends house) then, That doesn't give you the right to park in my spot. After I complained, Bee and I went upstairs and went to bed.

Saturday, we rose roughly at 10:30am and grabbed a few diet cokes and hit the road. Stopped at Bee's just long enough to grab his paperwork, and hit the DMV. He got his stickers, and off we went to pick up the kids at his moms. We stopped in and visited for a bit and chatted with his brother (My "band Friend") and his fiance who were in town for the night. They invited us to come see the cover band play. We said we'd go (forgoing "The Ball" which I was ok with. I would take seeing a band play over "The Ball" anyways..). We grabbed some lunch, and hit the road towards home.

When we got back to Bee's house, I realized I left my phone at my apartment :( A couple hours later, we left for his practice, and while he was there, I went and grabbed my phone and got back in time for them to be finishing up. We went home and got ready to go see his brother's band.

The band was a lot of fun. They are a cover band who mostly plays 80's music, but with a "Metal" edge to it. Plus they do other silly songs "Metal'ed" up just to be funny such as Tiffany's "I think we're alone now..", Britney Spears, and Kelly Clarkson. The crowd was huge! It was wall to wall humanity. Some pretty interesting sights to see...but it was a good time. Bee and I helped his brother pack up after the show and then hit Taco Bell before heading home. We talked on the way home...and I always love our little chats :) They always leave me with my heart smiling.




Sunday, We got up just as the kids were getting ready to launch another spaceship to the moon via the living room. At least I was already up. I've been looking at houses in Tucson where our room would be off by itself...FAR from the living room :). At any rate, Bee's mom wanted to take all of us out for dinner for Bee's birthday. Alas, His 16 year old had to be home by 6pm and I had to get in a visit with my family. So, since it would be too much running around, he stayed with the kids and went to dinner with his mom and I went out to see my family. I spent 7 hours of good quality time with them and even got to see my new baby niece again! After visiting, I headed back out to Bee's where we wound down from the day together and eventually hit the hay.



All in all, a good weekend! I can't wait for this upcoming one, though. It's supposed to be sunny and almost 80 degrees!

Hell hath no fury...

Like a woman scorned.

That is so the truth. I've been kind of battling with something. I need to rant. Sort of. It's nothing new. At least when it comes to Bee and I. The topic of contention is "Her". She will always be the topic of contention. Not that Bee is necessarily "contenting" on her or anything...but still..

When I started dating Bee last year, he was just ending a relationship with someone else. I was under the impression that they were done. Splitsville. Said their goodbyes, exchanged their stuff, ciao bella! However, after about a week into dating him, I found out it wasn't so cut and dry. Apparently, when she "ended" things, what she really said was, "Let's slow down. Maybe date other people..but still date each other...be a little more casual, less intense." She intended to do just that...but Bee just moved on all together. She was a point of contention for us for awhile...I was so wrapped up in dealing with that drama that I never thought the wife, who was in prison for eight years, would ever be an issue. I was wrong.

The difference here she is behind bars. She can not see her kids (although, I am not fully convinced this is too much of a real issue for her...but more on that later), she can not have what she wants, when she wants it and that just makes her blood boil. So, she has her mom stalk me on facebook and myspace. Look over every nook and cranny to get any information about me that she can and send it to her. This includes pictures. Actual pictures from my facebook. Then, her mothers best friend lives across the street from Bee. In fact, she used to be the kid's babysitter until her "holy-er than thou" attitude pissed Bee off for the last time. Anyway, she had her take pictures of me, my car, me outside playing with the kids etc and send them to her.

"She" sends letters sometimes 2-3 times a week and calls both phones 17-30 times a day. She sends the kids a letter and Bee a letter. In both, she bad mouths me. Calls me names etc. Now, last time Bee and I were together, when the kids would go for a visit to her parents house, she would call them and talk to them there or have her parents bring the kids. While talking or visiting with their mom, she would say things to them about me and their dad. Tell them things like "Doesn't it bother you that daddy has another woman sleeping on mommies side of the bed? On her Pillow? You should ask your Daddy about that!" Then they would, and it would break Bee's heart. My question to him was always "What 8 and 6 year old talk like that? They don't. Adults who want questions like that to come out of little kids' mouths for greater impact, do." And we'd fight.

Bee usually doesn't open his letters from "her". He throws them in a box of shit that will one day be dropped off her her mothers house of stuff that belongs to "her" when we move. The sheer volume of letters is mind blowing. She writes things on the outside of the envelopes like "Our love will never die. I love you!" and other mushy things. If I am being honest, this kills me to see that. However, then the smarter side of me kicks in and I realize that "she" knows I spend a lot of time there. "She" also knows, Bee doesn't really read her letters, but more throws them in a pile on the dining room table, rolls his eyes, and walks away. But, they are left out in the open so chances are I see them. Those little love notes on the outside are for ME in hopes I get upset and Bee and I break up. Fuck You. I win.

When Bee and I broke up in October, she knew almost instantly. This shit boggles Bee's mind how she knows everything. I keep trying to tell him, he has two little mouths that have giant ears that hear everything attached to them. They're Kids. That's their mom. Of Course they are going to tell her everything! Not because they want to sabotage him. Not because they don't like me or anyone else he brings around, but because that's their mom and they love her! When she asks what they have been up to, they want to share all the fun things they've done or any exciting gossip that is going around just like any.other.kid.would.

Now that we are back together, she knew instantly. That spurred the letter the kids got the other day. I was not privy to read it, but Bee told me she basically said, "I am sorry to hear that _____ is back in your lives. I know how much that bums you out" Blah Blah Blah. Bee asked them if that was true. They said no, they like me. He told them, he wanted the truth. "C", his daughter (the oldest of the two at home with us) said that she likes me but that it hurts her that her dad and mom are still married and he is with me. Bee reminded her that their divorce was pending and very shortly that wouldn't be the case. She said, "Oh. OK then. Whatever. I don't care then, if you are happy dad and I can still talk and see mom." and Little man, he cried. Said he wanted him mom. Bee told him that "she" would always be his mom, no matter what and he could always write her, see her, talk to her and that I am not trying to replace her...but be kinda like an extra mom-like figure. (It's hard explaining it to a 7 year old). He seemed to accept that. We, as in me and the kids, had a little talk this morning on the way to the babysitters. I basically told them how much I loved their dad and we make each other happy. How much I love them and that they can come to me for anything, no matter what, no matter when, if they wanted and that if they didn't feel comfortable, they could go to Dad, Grandma, or Grandma and Grandpa. Most importantly though, I was not trying to take the place of their mom. I would never want them or expect them to love and care for me more than their mom. Etc. "C" agreed and seemed to get it. Little man said nothing...but then again...that's just how "little man" is sometimes..

What really gets my goat about this whole situation is this...

I have always wanted kids. I have wanted to be a mother since they day I could carry around a baby doll. These three kids are not even mine, yet, I can't help but have an instinct to protect them at all costs. To shelter them from hurt, rejection, mean people, and dangerous situations. Like I said, not even from my own womb and I feel this way towards them. Their own mother risked (and eventually lost) them for her need to have nice things. Coach bags. Designer clothes. Name Brand Shoes. Extravagant Vacations. She put her children on the line so that her neighbors and friends could be like, "Wow! Look at "her"! Look how much money "she" has!". "She" had been caught twice before for this same exact crime. She knew the punishment if she were to be caught again. Yet, she put the kids and Bee on the line every.Single.Time. She stole over $160,000.00. You don't take that kind of cash in one lump sum. You do it over a period of time. So, it's not like some snap decision and Poof! Sorry! You lost! It was several times. Each time, she had to have thought "If I get caught this time...I can lose it all.." and yet, each time, she did. I'm sorry, to me that just proves how much your family means to you...

"She" Puts on this front about how Christian she is yet she doesn't feel remorse for what she did. She thinks her sentence was waaay too harsh and is appealing it. When Bee was taking the kids to see her, she would spend most of her time begging and pleading with him not to leave her. She was going to change this time. For Real. You see, if that were me, and my husband was making it clear to me that he was done by seeing other women, having girlfriends, and telling me he was filing for divorce, I would be like fine..where's my babies? I would spend my time visiting with my kids...not begging him not to leave me. But then again, my Husband and Children would mean so much to me that I would never ever do anything that would jeopardize me being with them...you know...like committing felonies that land me behind bars for the better part of almost 10 years.

I guess what really bothers me is that she is doing what most "Baby Mamma's" do when they feel scorned...use the children. I Hate that. I loathe that. To me, that ranks you lower than the gum on my shoe. I can't respect someone who would do that. I just can't. And People wonder why today's kids are all effed up. This is why.

It burns my biscuit's that I have to deal with this. It fires up my jealous side like Nobody's business. It makes me insecure and forces me to want to cling and be needy with constant reassurance....but that's what "she" really wants. And I won't allow that to happen this time.

In the end, All I Have to say is: I am the one who got the guy. I am the one who will make a house with him. I am the one who will get to grow old with him. I am the one who gets to spend that precious time watching these adorable wee ones grow into adults. I am the one who gets to share their highs and lows. I am the one they will call on in the middle of the night when they are scared or upset, or when they are older and were stupid and drank too much at a party that they swore there would be no drinking at. I am the one who will, as they get older, think "wow, she wasn't my mom..but she was more like a mom than my mom". I am the one who they will say knows them better.

Fuck you. I win.

Let's try something new...

On one of the blogs I follow, the author does an entry once a week with a pre set line of questions. She answers them once a week (I think on Monday or Tuesday usually). It's kind of a "what's going on right now" type line of questions and I think it might be kind of cool to do or at least try to do once a week since I do want this to be like a journal as well. So, here we go...

Today is... March 24, 2010.

Outside My Window... Well, I am at work and I don't really have a window per say. however, I can see outside. It's sunny and chilly. Roughly in the mid-forties. I don't really care because the SUN is out.

I am Thinking... about my job and how it's irritating me today. I am sick of the double standards. I am sick of the feeling I get when I walk into the room, like they were just talking about me. I am sick of the snarky remarks and the back stabbing. Today, Arizona can't come fast enough.

I am thankful for... On the flip side of the above statement, I am thankful I have a job to bitch about. I am also thankful for my family, my friends, and my lovey and the kids. I believe God kept placing him in the forefront of my mind and me in his so that our time apart wouldn't be long.

What I have learned this week... I can't control everything. It doesn't always get to be my way. No matter how planned out I have it in my head. Sometimes, if I let go, the people I love, just may surprise me...

I am wearing... Office attire. Old School lace-less chucks (black with white toe), White socks, jeans, black tank top, long black cardigan sweater.

I am creating... stew. As in, I am stewing. Work put me in a mood today..

I am going... home tonite and kissing my bee. Mainly for being him, but also for agreeing to move to Arizona with me :)

I am reading... "The Shack". I started it about three months ago. I am on Chapter three I think. It's only about 180 pages. I haven't gotten that far. I hear it's sad, but a GREAT book. I don't have anything bad to say so far...it's just I haven't been the reading mood. I hope that changes soon...

I am hoping... Bee and I find jobs...good ones...in Arizona so that we can move as soon as my lease is up (September of this year)

I am hearing... My little space heater running (I heart that little guy), office chatter, phones ringing, the tap-tap-tap of my keyboard as I type this..

Around the House... We are busy. As usual. Outdoor practice started yesterday for Bee's football team. "C" had guitar lessons yesterday, and "Little Man" is curiouser by the day. This weekend we have a fundraiser on Friday night for Bee's team, Saturday is "The Ball", and Sunday I would like to get a visit in with my parents since my mom will being getting home today from Arizona (She's only been gone for two months.)

One of my Favorite things this week... Was when Bee won his championship game for flag football. On his birthday. He was and still is pretty much on cloud nine from it.

A Few Plans this week... Like I said, we have a busy weekend. Fundraiser is Friday, "The Ball" is Saturday, and Sunday maybe a visit to my mom and dad's.

A Picture Thought... Riding up front is Serious Business...

School Pranks

A post on one of the blogs I read made me think of some of the pranks that the kids played at my school. It's getting to be that time of year again when the current High School Seniors are going to start scheming to come up with that "perfect" high school prank to leave as their "parting gift" to the school.

Playing a prank is a fine line you have to walk. You want it to be good. Original. In order for that to happen, it has to be something that effects everyone. Perhaps stops or delays the school day from starting. However, you have to be careful. You can't do damage or harm to anyone. You are about to graduate and these people can stop that from happening if you make them too upset.

Some of the pranks that went on in my school were pretty good. Some of them got kids in troubble. Some were just plain dumb. One year, a kid hit a skunk on the way to school. He went back later, scraped up the little bugger, froze him, and then later went back and put him in the Heating Duct to thaw and spread his nasty skunky (and decaying) smell around the school when the heat kicked on. We had one where someone bought thousands of marbles and dumped them down the hallway. It was pretty funny until a girl slipped on them and fell down the stairs. There were several cases where someone bought about 20 feeder mice and let them loose.

Then there was always the TP'ing of the school. This happened after every big win in football. It happened on the First and Last days of school. It happned at the beginning and ending of any spirit week. However, when you personally got TP'ed, it was not really a bad thing in my school. Kids who were liked were always the ones to get it. (I got it once. I am thinking this was more because I was across the street from a more popular girl...and they always got her. I think they were bored and didn't want their night of TP'ing to end)

The Best ones went down in the record books and are still be talked about today...

The "Big Boy"



There used to be a "Big Boy" Resturant in my town a long time ago. As with all "Big Boy" Resturants, the "Big Boy" statue is located outside somewhere near the door. One senior class was going to make it their mission to be the only senior class to steal the statue.

Up to that point, many senior classes had tried, and all had failed. Usually with a broken bumper or ticket from the police for vandalism to prove it. However one class finally did succeed. It took them all night, but the next day when the 1st period bell rang, there he was, in all his glory, sitting on the front lawn of the school.

The Administration was of course upset (I am sure they actually found it funny, but for appearences, they came down hard. Eventually though, a deal was struck that if whomever took the statue put it back before the 8am bell the next day, no punishments would be inflicted. Someone didn't sleep for two whole days...


Handicap Parking



This was a prank that is actually quite genius and easy if you get enough people to committ to it.

You get the whole (or most anyway) student body to show up with their very own Handicap Parking Stencil made from posterboard. Then you spray paint all the hanicapped parking spots black to match the asphalt making them appear to be "regular" spots. Then, you take your students with their "Stencil" and have each one take a few spaces and paint them Hanicapped so when it's all said and done, you have a parking lot with about ten parking spaces and the rest are handicapped. If you can't find a place to park, how can you go to school???

We attempted this one...but not enough people showed. It would have taken us all night and with the police station across the street...it wasn't gonna happen.


Plastic Fork Garden

We took Thousands and Thousands and thousands of plastic forks and stuck them into the ground on the schools front lawn. We had to clean it up, but the landscapers didn't mind. We airrated the lawn for them!


For Sale!

One Year, the senior class prank was simple, but spoke volumes. They stole a "For Sale" Sign from a near by house and stuck it in the school's front yard.


Red Phone Ransom

My Senior year, we stole the red phone. Our Principal loved to hear himself talk. He would make at least three or four announcements a day that would go on for 5-10 minutes each time. He talked so much, the teachers would even roll their eyes when he would come on over the P.A. He didn't like standing in the hallway outside his office and use the microphone, so he had a red phone installed at his desk that when he picked it up, he was instantly live over the P.A. This enabled him to prattle on in the comfort of his own cushy Chair.

well, my senior class stole his phone in April and held it for ransom. We placed ransom notes all over the school and had messages of our "demands" read over the morning announcements. Finally, at graduation, it was given back to the principal by the student council President. Good times :)


What Kind of pranks did you pull? What stands out in your mind as legendary?

We are the Champions My Friend...

Over the weekend two exciting things happened. Bee Turned 40 and as the title and picture of this blog suggest, he became a Champion. The amazing part? Both were on the same day. Happy Birthday to my lovey! :)

I had big plans for this weekend. Well, not huge, but I had a few things I wanted to do for Bee for his birthday. You only turn 40 once, right? Well, about two weeks ago he informed me he would most likely be leaving the day before his birthday and head down to Southern Ohio for a Football Team-Owners meeting that was Saturday (his actual birthday) at 1pm. He didn't want to have to get up early and drive down there. Plus, he figured he could stay with his brother (my "Band Friend" I met him through) who now lives there. He said the meeting would probably go for several hours and he would most likely be getting back around 8 or 9 on Saturday night.

I was mad. However, I was even more upset when he told me that because they had won their flag football game the week before, they Semi-Finals would be Saturday night so he had to rush home to be at his game. If they won the Semi-Finals, then they would immediately start the Championship game and the winner would be decided that night!

Basically, he was taking all the plans I had for this "perfect" birthday weekend, and flushed them down the toilet. When I protested and ask him if he could give up just one football game...just one...(I was already mad about him ruining my day plans, but the night plans could have been salvaged. ) he just said,

But baby, it's the Championship. We have a good shot at winning!

I was still mad. It just flag football. It's not like it's his semi-pro team or anything...and it's his birthday!

"Besides, you know I don't like a fuss to be made over my birthday. It's just another day."

I didn't know he felt that way. Birthday's are a big deal for me. I like everyone to know when my special day is! No one has ever made a bigger deal about my birthday than me. No one has ever taken the time to throw me a surprise birthday party or anything...I guess I am just childish when it comes to my birthday. Whatever. It's My day, so I can do whatever I want!

That's when it hit me like a ton of bricks. This is Bee's day. HIS birthday. Why shouldn't he spend it doing whatever it is he wants??Especially playing the game he loves. I mean, really loves. If he had to rank the things/people he loves in order of importance it would be like this:

1. Kids/Mom
1.5 Me/Football
2. Brothers/Sisters.

Sometimes, that order has been known to change...haha! But the important thing was, Football is something he loves. It makes him feel alive, Important, fulfilled, excited, needed, and respected. It was HIS day, damnit, so if he wanted to spend it painting his nails and curling his hair, he had the right to do it and I needed to just get over myself.

Which I did. :) He ended up having a great weekend. He got a night of peace and quiet, a bed to himself (which he confessed would have been better had I been it it with him. I must agree ;) lol) , Saturday morning he got to wake up when he wanted, lounge around, have more time to himself, then meet with other Semi-Pro team owners and discuss league matters. Then, he got himself what he claims was some of the BEST chicken (or as we say "Chank-en") for the ride home. He came home where there were cookies, a homemade cake, kiddos, and a Monkee (the latter two loving him and missing him oodles!) waiting for him. Then we allll loaded up in the Family Truckster, and headed off to football where my Bee won both of his games and became a first time Football Champion. When we got in bed Saturday night, Bee says to me (But I think it was more for himself to make it seem real),

"Baby! I am a champion!"

And he is. Even if he hadn't have won his game, he still would have been my champion.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sunday morning we slept in until 10am. Bee says to me, "Baby, we made it until 10! They actaully let us sleep until 10!" My Response was simply, and flatly "Baby, that's because the kiddo's are grounded from the XBOX" He laughed and agreed.

We got up, got our "Yogurt" (Yoga) pants on, and went into the living room. Kids went outside to play after some breakfast, and Bee got some XBOX time in. I watched a few episodes of "Weeds", my new favorite show and God Bless Netflix. I can watch all the episodes on my computer online! YAY for Modern Technology! I mean, Lord knows I never get the TV remote and I am never home to watch my shows that I am sure are overflowing my DVR box at home.

Eventually, we got dressed and went out and about for the day. Bee wanted to go to the apple store and check out ipods. On the way, we were listening to the radio and that's when he discovered his new favorite song. "Imma Be.." by the BlackEyedPeas. He likes it because they say "I'm a Bee" over and over again. It makes him laugh.

Baby! This is MY song! They wrote it for ME!"

Then he does this little dance. It's freaking histerical. Anyway, we went to the apple store, then to Dicks Sporting Goods (one of his favorite stores) and then we stopped and had dinner at Golden Corral. After dinner, the kids asked if we could go to the park. So we stopped off at a state park that has a beautiful waterfall and walked around working our dinner off. Not the kind of park I think the kids wanted, but a park none the less :) We stopped for Custard, and then headed home. Kiddos took their baths, and then off to bed.

Bee told me he had a wonderful birthday weekend. He got peace and quiet and relaxation, two games of football, a championship, time with me and the kids, and I did all his laundry lol! All and all, a good weekend!

Happy Birthday my sweet, sweet love! I hope to spend many more birthdays celebrating together :)


Pictures from the Park

No more Carmel Frappe's at 10 o'clock..

Last night, after I got home, Bee loaded us all up in the car and we went to the license bureau to renew his plates. I told him I didn't think they would be open...his response?

"Baby. They are just right around the corner from here...it's not like I have to go downtown".

I wanted to tell him that just because the DMV is "Right around the corner", doesn't make them stay open past Five. It's a Government office, or, Satan's Asshole" as I like to call it. But, Bee "knows better" than me, and off we went. Well, after he searched for like twenty minutes to find all of his papers. He got home from work at like three. I don't understand why he had to wait until the second I walk in the door to start looking for things.

I guess that's a pet peeve of mine with Bee. Most days, he is home by two thirty in the afternoon. I get out of work at five, but by the time I fight traffic to get home, it's five thirty. I work a set schedule, Monday through Friday. This never changes. He knows, that come hell or high water, I am walking in that door between five thirty and five forty, depending on traffic. Plus, I call him on my way home, so, he knows. He also knows any and all plans he has or thing he wants to do. He rarely shares them with me, so, like last night, I walk in the door and have no idea he wants to go to the DMV and that the kids and I are to go with him. We are all bustling around now trying to get ready to leave and he's all impatient because the kids aren't ready. Bee, we can't read your mind. Also, you get home at Two Thirty Why are you waiting until now to try and run your errands?

But, I digress. Anyway, we load up and scoot out the door. We get to the DMV. Surprise, Surpise...it closes at five. Weird. They were just around the corner...

We go on our merry way, look at a few cars that are for sale in the varrious car lots along the main drag out there, stop off at Taco Bell/Long John Silvers, grab dinner, narrowly avoid a spanking or two (the kids, not us) and head back home.

We get back to the house, eat, and then Bee takes off for practice. Well, Conditioning because they are on a BYE for practice. While Bee is gone, I decide to surprise him by cleaning the house and doing some much needed laundry. The kids stayed home with me because punishments of the severe kind were handed out on Wednesday for touching dad's things and having no respect for them (IE: Braking dad's favorite XBOX game, then putting it back without saying anything....and then lying about it when asked) so they were not allowed to go with dad and play with their friends. They showered, picked up their things for me, and hung out in their bedrooms (I was cleaning and I prefer to do that alone. However, if you are going to be in my way IE: the livingroom, you can help. Hence, they voluntarly went to their rooms lol!)

Around ten o'clock Bee called and asked if I wanted a Milkshake because he felt like stopping for one. I told him no thanks, because Milkshakes make me violent and violently ill due to the fact they are packed with sugar, that I can not have due to Gastric Bypass Surgery, and Milk, because I am lactose intolerant...also from gastric bypass surgery. However, Diet Coke sounded super because I was parched. Twenty minutes later he walked in the door and handed me a large (I'm guessing 32oz?) Carmel Frappee' from McDonalds...with carmel and whip cream and a large Diet Coke, stating he felt really bad at the thought of him enjoying dessert, and me not having anything. It was so sweet of a comment, that I just couldn't point out the fact that it probably had more sugar and just about as much milk as a milkshake. He thought of me. He knows I love my coffee and was sooo proud of himself for getting me a treat too!

I tried a few sips, and it tasted like a Starbucks Carmel Machiatto. My system can handle those...somtimes...if I drink them kinda slow. If not, one two or all three things happen...I get a horrible stomache ache, I am stuck in the bathroom for awhile (my preferred reaction out of the three) or I get a low blood sugar about twenty minutes later. Well, I lucked out and none of the above happened! However, I was wwwwiiirrreeeddd! I talked, and talked, and talked, and talked, and talked. Then we went to bed, and I talked, and talked, and talked, and talked, and talked.

Bee finally told me to shut my hole, and he fell asleep. That was at around Tweleve Thirty. I was up till almost two. I stared at the ceiling for awhile, then I watched T.V., then figited...then finally fell asleep. I woke up this morning feeling the call of Dunkin Donuts for a large coffee. ha!

He is out of town tonite and I have the kiddos....lookin for something to do. Hmm..maybe we'll run to wal-mart and get stuff for a birthday cake and maybe a present or two...

Afterall, Bee turns the big 4-0 tomorrow :)

My "Rational" Fears

I am horrified of the following things in no particular order: Zombies, Clowns, Carnies, Midgets, Spiders, and Demonic Possession (mine or otherwise, but mostly mine).


Zombies

Or, "Zimbees" as I usually refer to them as. I can not watch Zimbee movies by myself or at night. If I do, there's a good chance I'll be up all night. My friends laugh at me and tell me they aren't real, but I have a child-like belief (in some cases, you can call it faith) that God made the world and all who reside in it. He made Heaven and hell and all who reside in those places too. Satan is not omni-present and all powerful like God is, but he was God's favorite and most powerful angel. He can't do things as well as God, but he can imitate some of God's powers. In this case, Resurrection. God did it perfectly in Lazarus and Jesus. Satan, if he did it, it would not be perfect or would the person he resurrected be like they were in life before death, hence, Zimbee-like.

Going another direction with zimbees....I am not naive enough to think that with all of the leaked reports we see these days, or the "de-classified" documents coming out now from even as far back as the forties and fifties of all the chemical and biochemical warfare we as a country (along with Russia, China, Japan, Iraq, and Germany and God knows how many other countries who won't admit it)
were experimenting with that there isn't a chance that we haven't come up with a virus that could re-animate a dead body or at the very least, degrade your brain to the point it only functions on the very basic primal functions. The thought of dead, or half dead contagious things out there coming after me gives me the heebee jeebee's.

We've all seen (or at least heard of) "28 Days" and "Resident Evil". I'm just saying that it's possible. Not that it will...but if it does, one should at least have a plan. Know it. Memorize it. Share it with only your loved ones because if and when it happens, resources will be in high demand and at that point, it's survival of the fittest. If it's between me or you, guess who I'm going to choose...


Clowns

I'm not really sure what brought this on. As a child, I didn't really have much exposure to clowns. It wasn't really the "in" thing in my circle of friends to have them at your birthday party or whatever. I can tell you though that I have never trusted them. I think it's all the make-up. The fact that, even if they are not happy, they can paint a smile on with alllll that make-up and it looks like they are smiling. Plus, all of their features and clothes are over-sized and exaggerated. I don't like it. It's not natural. I fear the unnatural.

It also creeps me out that a lot of clowns are child molesters, drunks, rapists, or people who can't let go of their childhood. Most clowns work for themselves, so it's not like someone is doing a background check. Plus, I don't like when people try to communicate without words. I don't want to hear you "honk", sign, wink, or whatever else. It's not funny.

Plus, I think the movie IT had something to do with it too..


Carnies

My Aunts and one of my cousins were at some point in their lives, "On the Carnival" as they say. They will tell you that most carnies are one or more of the following, ex-cons, current cons on the lamb, drug addicts, homeless, runaways, drunks, wife-beaters, child molesters, crazy, thieves, con-artists, or in general, just running from something.

These are the people we allow are teen age children to run around unsupervised around. These are the people we entrust our lives and our children's lives to while on carnival rides. These are the people we give our money to thinking we have a fair shot at winning one of their games.

Carnies (and may I point out, I'm not talking about a Church Carnival. I am talking about the traveling Carnival) are shifty, shady, and remind me of black magic and voodoo. Not too sure why on the last part (Maybe too much ICP? I dunno...) They are drifters and gypsies and I can't trust anyone who can't be tied down in one spot too long.

Plus, how many times have we heard of young kids going missing at the carnival? Yup, one more score for the carnies..


Midgets

OK, I feel bad about this one. Seriously, I do. I mean, these people can't help being born the way they are. However, at the same time, I can't help that they creep me out.

I really think it's the fact they have adult sized heads and adult looking faces, yet the body and size of a toddler. They have small hands and odd-shaped bottom halves and it's just "unnatural" looking. I don't like "Unnatural" looking things. Scared me. Makes my skin crawl. It also reminds me of carnies and well, we know how I feel about them...

I guess I'm not as scared of the normal "hey-I'm-just-trying-to-live-a-normal-life type midgets. I am not going to hang out with them or anything, but I could handle being in the same room with them. However, it's the ones who try to make their living off of the fact they are a midget that I don't like. The in-your-face-I'm-gonna-touch-you type. The kind you'd find in the circus or carnival. Or, the stripper lap-dancing ones are the ones that make my skin crawl.

I still get uneasy though when that show "Little People: Big World comes on...


Spiders

OK, this is a common one so I won't waste too much time on it.
I will dance around a spider for like an hour working up the nerve to kill it. However, when I do, it's a huge power trip for me. I don't like them near me, or even in the same room as me.

At my parents house, they get huge wolf spiders. They used to love my car. Every car I had while I lived there was a spider magnet. Ew.


Demonic Possession, Mine or otherwise, but mostly mine...

Ok, here's another example of something that could and does happen! When I first saw the Exorcist, I didn't sleep for a week! The thought of the debil (yes, I know it's spelled wrong...) or deamons invading my body or someone else's body around me horrifies me to no end.

If you look in the Bible, there are cases where possesion happens, so I know it's real. I saw the Exorcsim of Emily Rose! That's a true story! She did not look so hot in that movie. There were six demons in her and they weren't letting go! She was a faithful Christian too...it's just like those people who get Stigmata. I love Jesus and all, but I don't know if I could handle those sorts of tests...



I know to everyone else my fears may seem silly...but as you can see, to me, they are all quite rational ;)

St. Patty's Day!!

"B" and I both took the day off and went to the Parade. It was a lot of fun :) We took the Bike and it was kinda chilly, but nice :) Our friend met us down there later and we all watched the Parade. I'm really tired or else I would post more of an entry...so, instead, here are some pictures from the day! :)


It's still early yet...


Pretty cool looking church


Bag Pipers!!


The Cutest kids dancing an Irish Jig with their Daddy



I am horrified of clowns. This guy was a half clown, half balloon guy. He Half scared the crap outta me..



Parade!!



Between the half clown/half balloon guy and her, it was a regular circus...



This is a famous landmark here..




Bee on the way home "driving" the bike



ME!


HAPPY ST. PATRICKS DAY!!!!

Comments and Comments on God..

Alright, I finally got the whole comment problem fixed. It wasn't my template, it was something in my settings. It didn't allow comments to be posted. If you are having the same problem, send me a comment, or an email, or something, and I will tell you how I fixed it.

So, I have felt this feeling lately. Not really sure what it is. It's a feeling of restlessness. Of antsyness. Of yearning almost. But for what? I wasn't sure until I stopped and really pondered on it for awhile. I am almost positive God is calling. He misses me and, if I am going to be completely honest, I miss him too.

I was raised in a born again Christian home. We went to Church. We talked about Jesus. We prayed before every meal and at bedtime. I went to Sunday School and eventually was a member in the Youth Group. I loved it. I never felt closer to God then when I was a member of youth Group. But more on that in a minute...

My parents moved to their house in 1977. If you do the math, that puts them there three years before I was born. My parents were married in 1971. They had been trying to have children since then. They weren't having much luck. They thought they were "Christians", but they weren't "saved". They moved to their current home and their neighbors invited them to their Church. They went, and instantly knew this is where they belonged. God saved them, moved them, and moved in them in that little church.

They became very close with the other members and the Pastor. They became pregnant with my Brother in 1979. The whole Church rejoiced! My mom carried him to term and Jonathan Paul was born on November 9Th, 1979. Unfortunately, he was sick, and died 12 days later. My mom believes that God was proving himself to my parents. Proving that he can give, and if you are willing to believe in him and what he gives, he can take away, then he will bless you immensely. They had me a year later, and my sister five years after that. A lot of people across the United States, people my parents didn't even know, became followers of Christ because of my brothers death. One of those people was a staunch Atheist. God Works in wonderful and mysterious ways. The way my parents see it, if Jonathan's death brought at least one person to Christ, then sending him home to be with his Father, was well worth it.

I say all that because I was raised in the Church. My mom says I prayed that sweet prayer to Jesus when I was four, asking him to be my personal savior and live in my heart. When I was around 8 or 9, I joined the youth group. It was small, but we had a new Youth Group Leader. He was amazing. He showed me a way to love Christ that I had never experienced before. He showed me and the other kids just how God is willing to meet us on our path and walk with us. We had a fun and spiritual time. I felt so close with Jesus that it was like a physical presence in the room with me at all times.

Then, the Youth Group Leader had a disagreement with the Pastor and Left. Most of the Church left with him. The left over members were resentful because the others left. People started allowing space to get between them and God. The Church started to die. We left. My parents tried to go to a few other churches a few times, but it just wasn't the same. We grew complacent and sleeping in became more important then seeking God. I was roughly 11 at the time.

Now, I didn't read my bible during the next seven years. I didn't go to Church, but I knew God Existed, His son Jesus came and saved us all from sin by dying on the cross, and that no matter how "good" of a person you were, it didn't matter if you didn't invite him into your heart. However, that's about as far as it went with me and religion.

When I was 18, my mom started listening to Christian Music station on the radio. She started talking "churchy" again. She wanted to go to Church. My dad agreed and they tried the old Church again. There was apparently a new Pastor and he was supposed to be amazing. So much so, that people who left way back before we did, were coming back! We went and agreed and became members again.

I went back and while I enjoyed Church, I didn't feel close with God like I did when I was in Youth Group all those years ago. It wasn't the Pastor, he was great. Totally lead by the Spirit and the Word of God...it was me. It's like my head knew what he was saying was true..but my heart was having a hard time remembering.

When I was 23 I went to Koinonia. It's like a faith camp for adults. It was amazing. I really didn't want to go. The "Jesus Freaks" at my church were on me to go to the upcoming weekend. I was trying to avoid them at all costs...but they started calling me on my cell phone and at work! I finally agreed to go so they would leave me alone. I was angry when I got there. I was giving up a whole weekend to be with Jesus Freaks and I didn't like it one bit! Now, they were taking my cell phone and my watch and telling me what to do...It was going to be a long weekend!

I can't tell you what happened..it's against the rules (and would ruin the fun if you ever went) but it was the best weekend I had had in sooo long. It was also the first time I felt Jesus sitting next to me since I was eight. I know that's me, not Him, but still....it was amazing and I didn't want it to end. I swore after that weekend, I would not allow myself to stray that far again.

Well, here I am 29 years old. I don't go to Church, I don't read my Bible, and I can honestly say the last time I felt Jesus sitting with me was that weekend. I miss him. I miss that relationship. I find myself saying I'm too busy, but really I'm not. I mean, I've typed this whole blog entry out. This is time I could be drinking in the Word...alas I am not.

I told "B" the other day that I wanted to start going back to Church on Sundays. He agreed, but asked for some time to think about it. He's not sure if he's ready. He has some issues with Church...but, I think if I found a good one we both could like, he'd come too. The trick is, finding a good balance. I am Episcopalian. I like order, ceremony, Tradition, and a Church I go to MUST offer communion every Sunday and must teach the Literal teachings of the Bible. "B", on the other hand went to a more open and new age kind of church. Not the bad kind of New Age, but like the, "Non-Denominational" type Churches and that's a little too loosey goosey for me. I think if we can find a spot to meet in the middle it would be good for the four of us.

I know his kids long for Church and God like the used to have. Even if "B" won't go with us, I still would like to find a place the kids and I can go to. I want to get involved! Make Christian friends! Go to and have Bible Studies! But most importantly, I miss Feeling Christ sitting next to me.

That's my newest goal...please pray for me. :)



I took this picture at the top of a Mountian in PA. It's actually really cool. You can see it for Miles!"

Catching up and Format issues

The Past couple of days have been a little hectic.

Sunday, "B" and I spent the day with the kids, and then dropped them off at Grandma's for a little bit while we went to a concert at a local club my brother works at. It was nice to get out, just the two of us. It's been a little while since we were able to do that. We met a hilarious drunk couple. We intended (Or at least I intended) to stay for the whole show. But, half way through the first act I was informed that he only wanted to stay for the first band. I was going to protest, but if we left after they got off stage, then we would have enough time to go get the kiddos and make it back to his house before it was super late. Otherwise, we'd all be crashing at Grandma's and getting up at 4am to go home. I was not looking forward to THAT, so I agreed.

Halfway through the first act (Technically, the 2nd act...there was a guy with a guitar that came out first for about twenty minutes and did cover tunes) "B" looks at me and says, "I kinda am done. I kinda want to go get my babies and go home and snuggle with you instead of being here." I agreed and we left.

We were walking down the alley to the car joking about walking down a dark ally, just the two of us, at night, downtown, and how if we told our friends, they would gasp at the sheer craziness of us doing just that. "Aren't you scared you'll get robbed?!?!? they'd say. But no. We weren't scared. We are "Billy Bad Asses!"

We get to "B"'s car and he unlocks it with his little key fob. I open my door first and that's when I know something is wrong. My seat is not how I left it. It's got stuff dumpped into it. That's when I look up at his dashboard and notice what's missing. Someone broke into his car :(

They took his radar detector, his ipod, and his ipod accessories. They ripped the cord right off the tape converter thingy. He was upset for a minute but said in the end, he was just happy we were both ok. He took losing his ipod well. He said,

Baby, I think this is God's doing."

"You think God stole your ipod?! Baby, I think if God wanted an ipod that badly, he'd make a much sweeter one then you had..and I'm sure he wouldn't have had "Air Supply" on it."

"No, Silly! I've "had" three ipods since "she" left for prision. They were ones she had bought for her, her son, and me with what I later found out was stolen money. All three of those ipods have now been stolen"

"Oh. Good Point"

So, he popped the "Zac Brown Band" cd into the cd player and we held hands and chatted about our future the whole way home. He informed me how his is 100% sure now on moving with me to Arizona. When we picked up the kids, he told his mom we were going and we'd like it if she came too. She was a little hesitant, but told him do what makes him happy and she would probably come out after we got settled. He seemed to be at peace with that.

We went home, put the kiddos to bed, and we went to bed shortly there after. He said that the night's events made him think of a few other things in the house "she" bought with stolen money. He said he thinks he is going to donate them to the Church, or some other charitable organization. He wants to rid himself of the old "bad" things and start fresh. I agreed. Sometimes I think God allows bad things to happen to us so that we can call on Him for support, or so that we can finally hear a message He has been trying to tell us. Sometimes, we just need something Earthly to get our attention....

Yesterday I ran out to my parents house after work. Well, actually, I ran to my house first. Gathered some clothes and things I wanted. I want to start putting my CD's on my MP3 player. I have a metric ass-ton of CD's...I want to see how far I can get loading them on my MP3 player before I run out of room. It won't take long I'm sure. I only have 8GB. I easily have over 200 CD's. Unfortunatly, they are just not travel friendly.

I went to see my sister and dad after that. My mom sent home some suveniers from her trip to Arizona and I had some "loot" over there so I went for a visit and to get my treasures! My mom sent me a beautiful charm braclet, a picture frame (which makes me think of my boss...it's horse themed...she owns and shows horses...) a key chain and t-shirt. My aunt sent me a beautiful coat. All in All, good Booty, found I! Arrgh! (Why I am talking like a pirate, I don't know ha!)



Some of the lovely things my mom sent me. Yay, MOM!


Lastly, I noticed one of my friend's blogs that I couldn't leave her comments. I have also noticed that if I view my blog as an "outsider" I can't get to the comment form. This bugs me. I did a little research and apparently, if you don't use "Blogger's" Templates, the comments are coded in the HTML code to be "Turned off". Why this is, I have no idea.

Anywho, Blogger gives an HTML code to fix it, but I have yet to figure out how to insert it and where to fix the problem. While I have not messed with it at length (I'm at work right now), I'm sure I can figure it out. I'm not that great with HTML stuff though, so if I can't figure it out, I guess I'll have to switch to one of Bloggers templates (gag!) If any of "you" (I say "You" in quotations because I don't think anyone even reads this blog...) figure out how to fix it, I would totally be your BFF if you told me how you did it! :D

Well, I am going to go to lunch now. I will probably blog again later today/tonight. There has been an entry swimming around in my head that I would really like to put out there. Until then...

Ciao!

When we move..

I am soooo making sure that the bedroom "B" and I share is located as far away from the living room as possible. Either that, or I am destroying the surround sound system a la' Ralphie's mother and the leg lamp in the Christmas Story.

Even on the lowest possible volume, this thing shakes the walls. "B" loves it. I fully understand the need to have all things manly (Surround Sound, X-Box, Big TV, Man-Chair) but when they interrupt my sleep....this makes me upset. Today wasn't too bad...the kids waited until 10am before having a space shuttle launch from the living room...but yesterday? Not cool.

I can't start seriously looking for places to live until my lease is closer to being up. I have until September. I really want to look in Arizona..."B" isn't 100% sold on that idea yet....I gotta work on that. The thing is, we both HAVE to make at least what we make out here (from what I hear and see, that won't be too difficult). We need a four bedroom place. I plan on having a baby in the next years and I would really hate to have to move if we get a three bedroom place. Plus, "B" is trying to get his mom to come with us. If he can convince her, He would be 100% on and would leave tomorrow if we could...We have to work on bird...


Can I just say, I have a love/hate relationship with the Xbox. Sure, it's cool. I'll admit that. Oh the one that "B" has, you can go online, watch movies, download games, Text, talk to people, play games with people...all around a cool little device.

I'll talk first on why I hate it, because that list is actually shorter. I hate it because when hooked up to the Surround Sound, it's LOUD. I don't like loud things...unless I am someplace where it's supposed to be loud (IE: Fireworks, Tractor Pulls, in the middle of a battle field..etc). It also sucks allll the attention of everyone in this house and sticks them to their seats all day long. Therefore, cleaning doesn't get done, messes get made because "B" can't pull himself away and lets the kids fix their own lunch or snack, unsupervised, and they make a mess and walk away. And lastly, because he gets so in to it that when the kids want to talk to him or ask him something he loses his patience with them.

Those are all valid reason to dislike the Xbox, but I really don't mind it that much. Most girlfriends/wives get pissed that their man plays video games. I like to watch. It gives him something innocent to be engulfed in. A lot of times, when he is by himself, he would rather stay in and play Xbox than go out to a bar with the boys. I figure, the Xbox will get him into less trouble. This also gives him something to focus on while I blog, surf the web, read, or do the things I like to do to relax at night and I don't have to feel like I have to give him all of my attention.

It's the same thing with his football team. I listen to other players wives and girlfriends get pissed because their guy wants to play. I feel them on some of the resentment. It takes up a lot of time. Between two practices a week, and then games every Saturday, that's a lot of time your man isn't home helping with the house and the kids. Plus the expense to play can be a bit much for some. However, Football is something the whole family can be involved in. I would rather have my man out there on the field playing a game he loves with his friends and I can go watch and enjoy it with him, then have him out a a bar or strip club every weekend with the boys. At least with the Football, I can be involved too.



combining two of his loves for an ultimate Xbox experience!

Well, that's it for now. I am off to find some coffee...

Who needs an alarm clock, when you have kids??

Kids don't understand Saturdays.

They don't understand work weeks, and getting up extra early in order to get them up to get them ready so that you can then get yourself ready...and get them to the babysitters and get to work yourself all without being late. They don't understand the stress of the day. Trying not to piss off the boss or co-workers, getting your work done correctly and in some cases safely, and then coming home to start your second job...which is making sure their homework is done and done correctly, dinner is cooked, served, ate, and cleaned up after, Baths are taken, clothes are washed and ready for the next day, backpacks are packed and ready to go, and lunches are made for tomorrow and then it's off to bed to get up and do it again tomorrow..

They just don't understand Saturdays...

7am this morning, this is what I hear...

BOOM!!! BANG!!! CRASH!!! JIGGAJIGGAJIGGAJIGGA!!!!

AW! COOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLL!!!"

The walls are rattling.

"HEY! It's my turn!!"

"HEY!! Don't Hit me!!"

"Well, gimme the controller, then!!"

"It's MY TUUUUUURRRRRR---NNNNNNAAAAAHHH!"

Then more CRASH!! BOOM! BANG!!! THUD!!! Then Crying ensued. Then, I get up, I open up the bedroom door, tell them to quit fighting, and turn it down or the can go back to bed.

All gets quiet for for about half and hour. I am juuuuusssttt about back to sleep (Meanwhile, "B" is asleep through it all...I suppose that happens when the children are from your loins...you just learn to tune it all out....)

I am Jolted awake by what sounds like an actual LIVE show of what USED to be the band "Queen" singing, "We are the Champions"

They are now playing RockBand. I applaud them for finding a game all three can play, But at 7:30am on a Saturday it is not MY game of choice....especially on "B's TV with surround sound....

So, I roll over and grab the April Issue of "Cosmopolitan" that "B" so sweetly bought for me last night while we were at Wal-Mart (I had to have it! Lady GaGa was on the cover! I love her!! and he knows that) and began to read. Shortly after that, "B" woke up and we started our day.

I have been up for what seems like the whole day. I was concerned why no one has text me yet today, until I saw the clock..and realized that none of my friends are up yet. You see, they most likely went out and got trashed last night and won't see the light of afternoon until about 3pm today. Haha! Honestly though, I am OK with that.

When "B" and I were broken up, I had fun on weekends, but I felt like I spent them partying too hard and then spending the whole next day recovering...it got old. I missed this..I just wish I could have gotten a little more sleep on my Saturday. :)

A beautiful Sunset

What a Beautiful Sunset. Yes. From the Wall-Mart Parking lot



It turned out to be a quiet, but good night...and with that, I bid you all goodnight! :)

The Biggest Bird I've ever seen, Driving Lessons, Hurt Feelings, and Cream Cheese...

Wow, am I bummed I didn't get to blog yesterday. I am kinda starting to become a little addicted! I saw a friend last night and I was telling her about my blog and how I really like writing here. I like having my own little place to talk about whatever I want and no one is telling me I talk too much or roll their eyes at me. I even suggested she start one. She has lots to vent about as well ;) So far, she is the only friend I told. Not that I have some big secret to hide, but I come here to get things off my chest, and while I haven't done that yet, there will come a time (probably today) where I want to use this forum for just that purpose and I don't want any one's feeling to get hurt, or whatever. I am not the best at voicing my feelings...maybe this will help.


This looks ugly, but it was actually sunny out! The Snow is melting!


Yesterday was soooo beautiful! It made it up to SEVENTY! I woke up about three minutes before my alarm went off. I was fully refreshed. That could be because the man and I went to bed at roughly 9:03pm which was three minutes after we sent the kiddos to bed.

I had to laugh though, because we got up, went into the bedroom, got in bed, cuddled and fell asleep. Back when we first got together (almost a year ago!!) We would have killed ourselves getting in there and while we might have went to bed at nine, there would have been no sleep until around midnight ;)

Anywho, I wake up, stretch, and sit up. I'm trying to get my "sea legs" and get the sleep out of my eyes. Patrick Butler is on T.V. In a hideous shirt giving the traffic report. Patrick is an old friend of mine from when I was a teenager. We go waaay back, and I like to text him and tease him about his appearance on TV.

I finally stand up and I go to the sliding glass door right by my side of the bed. I look up in the trees, and there he was. The Biggest freaking bird I have ever seen. Just then, he turned his head and stared at me. I kid you not, I lost my breath for a moment..

I grabbed my phone and called "B".

"Morning baby! What's up? Something wrong? I know you don't have the kids to the babysitters yet...what's goin on?"

"Baby! There is a freaking BEAR CUB with WINGS in your tree outside!"

"Oh God! You scared me half to death. Ha-ha! What's it look like?" (I could hear the hunter side of my boyfriend begin to salivate)

" I Told you! Like a F*&^king Bear cub with wings!!"

That's how the conversation went, until he deciphered that it was most likely a buzzard and lost all interest. I grabbed my camera and tried to take a picture of the fella, but he must have been camera shy because he flew off.



After that, I got ready, scooped up the kids, and took them to the babysitters on my way to work. I stopped and got a Dunkin Donuts Large Blueberry coffee, cream, no sugar. (THAT is my personal little piece of heaven ;) ) Dunkin Donuts is having a little scratch off trivia game thing where you can win stuff like donuts, coffee, and bagels. I answered my question right and won a free bagel. Score. I tucked it in my purse and drove away..

Now, here's the thing. I live on the "East Side". Even when I am staying at my apartment, it's still the "East Side". I work on the "East Side" and have for several years now (Part of the reason I moved out to this side of town..The other being "B") I used to live on the "West Side" (It was really the South side, but..people only know "east" and "west" out here...but I digress...) Traffic coming from west to east in the morning is KILLER. Especially traveling the route I had to go...which is the ONLY route. I used to be so stressed by the time I would get to work that it took me awhile to calm down. However, I almost prefer that to what I drive in now.

I know I am not the best driver. I, in no way, deserve a medal or anything. I also have my moments where I do boneheaded things, but really people? C'mon. The world, or at least the part of it that travel the same route as me at the same times I do, REALLY needs a driving lesson.

Everyday, no matter if I am going home or to "B"'s, I travel down one of two highways. Both of these highways are, for the majority of my trip, two lanes. But even in the parts that are three for four lanes, everyone does the same thing. They get on the highway, and speeeeeed over to the left lane...then sit, comfortable doing 60-65mph. Now, the speed limit is 60mph. Am I the only one who knows that yes, the limit is the law, but you have to go with the flow of traffic and not impede it? Not saying, if everyone does 85 then YOU Have to...but a comfortable 5-10 over the limit is standard. Also, the LEFT lane is for PASSING. Not Camping. I am OK if you want to go 75-80 and blow past everyone that you stay in that lane, but don't go 60 and ride in tandem with the car next to you on a two lane road and get mad when I am riding your tail.

Another thing that pisses me off...

Am I the ONLY person, left in America, who has a car that came with TURN SIGNALS Standard, and knows how to use them?? I swear to all things holy, that pisses me off more than anything in the world. Waiting to pull out of a driveway and waiting on that laaaassstt car, who, as they approach, turn anyway and you could have gone like twenty minutes ago. Or, when you are trying to get into another lane and the guy on the other side just comes on over without announcing, which makes me slam on my breaks and have a heart attack. OH yeah, and 90% of the time? You can turn right on red, so pay the f%^&k attention!

OK, now that THAT is outta the way...

On to the hurt feelings of yesterday...

So, last time "B" and I were together, we had some issues. I am sure we will always have these issues...it more of a I want the world to know we are together and happy. I want to put it on my facebook, my myspace, my blog. I want to have pictures of the two of us all around me. I want to be able to talk freely in public and online about us being together and what we did this weekend, or yesterday, or in the future, blah blah blah blah. "B", on the other hand, lives in a small town, that for being close to a big city, is VERY small minded. There are like three major churches in that town and everyone who is everyone goes to one of those churches. Church is BIG out there.

"B" used to be an active member at one of those churches. His kids were well known and liked (As they should be. They're good kids) and his wife worked there as the book keeper.....until she stole $160,000.00 from the church. She went to jail, he was ostracized. So, when we walk around out and about, it's not unusual for us to run into people from the church. They are nice to him, but it's very obvious it's fake and with contempt. All of this pisses me off. His ex pisses me off. The whole city pisses me off.

Listen, I am a Christian and I am proud of it. I don't belong to a church. I rarely pick up a Bible, and I can't quote you verses. But I KNOW Jesus died for my sins, and I accept him into my life. I don't do the above things because I am against it, it's just I am lazy haha! Anyway, I know what being a Christian is all about and these people are NOT behaving like one should behave. His wife pisses me off because she can't let go. Not that she loves him or anything. She wants to CONTROL him. She lost her control over him and that freaks her out. She had the life I have always dreamed of. Wonderful kids, a good husband, nice house, and overall, a good life and she wagered all of that, without thought or concern for her greed for "Nice" things. Designer bags, clothes, extravagant vacations etc knowing full well, she was taking all that stuff at the risk of losing her family, most importantly, her KIDS, and her freedom. She had been caught TWICE before...

I say all this because THIS is why he is gun shy. When we are out together, he gets stares, dirty looks, and I-am-smiling-at-you-and-talking-to-you-through-clenched-teeth-but-I-am-really-judging-you-hard-core type people talking to him. They ALL know his wife. They ALL still talk to HER and her parents (who actually stalk me..but that's another story for another day) They make life stressful and hard for "B". It's just easier if "everyone" thinks he's not with anyone...

Now, last time, he finally allowed "the world" to know about us. He got a lot of shit about it and therefore, we fought a lot. Things are soo good right now between us, he doesn't want that extra stress and neither do I.

However, "B" is a flirt. He's harmless really...but a lot of women like him. I am the jealous type. I'll admit it. That's just how I am. This DRIVES me crazy. He knows it, and I think he likes to do it to torture me sometimes. He has a lot of female friends. Most of them he has, at some point in his life, dated and or slept with. This ALSO drives me crazy. I am not friends with any male I have slept with. They flirt with him, and he flirts with them and all of it makes me a crazy woman...

We just got back together about a month ago. I was totally on board with the keeping "US" on the down low. Not hiding it from anyone, but just not broadcasting it. I had to warm my family and friends up to the idea. Not that they don't like him, they do....it's just they just worry about me. Anyway, we both agreed to take things slow. People would find out when they find out. That's been OK with me until yesterday..

Now, here's the thing. I will admit, it's getting close to "that time of the month". I tend to get sensitive with my feelings. I need extra lovin' on, and reassurance during this few days leading up to "The visit". "B" doesn't always understand that. It started so innocently..

I got out to his house after work. He was taking a nap. I went in the bedroom and laid down next to him giving him kisses. He woke up and we cuddled and chit-chatted and everything was fine. Then he asks me, all excited,

" So, did you see what I became a fan of today on Facebook?!"

I said no. So he pulls out his laptop and shows me. It was the Fetish Ball that was coming to town the end of the month. Now, let me just say, I am not a prude. I love sex. I like kinky sex, normal sex, passionate sex, love making, and F*&^king. However, I feel that sex, in all of it's forms, is meant to be shared with one person, and that's the person you love and it shouldn't be on display for everyone to see. It makes me a little uncomfortable, but if "B" wants to go, I will go for him. But something about the topic set my emotions off. I think it's because a friend of his is REALLY into that kind of stuff. Like, REALLLLLY into it...and I don't like her...at ALL. We (her and I) Had issues the last time "B" and I were together. She wants "B". Big time. And before we dated, he slept with her. I guess you could call what they had "Casual dating", but it meant more to her than to him...he opted for someone else...she didn't take it well. Now, she plays the "It's cool, we're realllly good friends bit...but she is salivating for the opportunity to try her hand at him again..

Anyway, he didn't even mention her, but that's who I thought of and it pissed me off. I just imagined him and I there, at the ball, and running into her. Her fat squeeeeezed into some ridiculously just-because-this-leather-outfit-comes-in-your-size-doesn't-mean-you-should-wear-it type outfit. She would smile at us with her tiny little yellow-haven't-been-brushed-in-forever teeth, and be all fake nice to me and try to hug me hello while trying to put her mitts all over my man, because, you know, this is the fetish ball and ANYTHING goes...

"So! You're gonna come with me, right?!"

"Um, sure! I'll...yeah, I'll go"

What's the matter? Why are you being weird?!"

"I'm not being weird. Why do you think I am being weird?

"I dunno. You just are. Quit being weird."

"How can I quit something I am not even doing?"

"Whatever"

So, we go along for the next ten to twenty minutes surfing the web on our laptops playing on farmville...and I finally say,

"Soooo....IIIII think....that we have been together again for like a month...and....well...I think we should change our status on facebook to "in a relationship with each other" (Now, I know this sounds childish...it's facebook after all...and while I cared about it, I was really more looking for a verbal exchange to vent my feelings I was feeling at the moment..which were kinda out of place, I know..but they were mine and I was trying to own them.)

"No."

I'm hurt...yet oddly fueled...

"WHY?!"

He went on to talk about how we discussed waiting until the divorce went through (hopefully only a few more days...unless she appeals it...which is what she will probably do because she's a cunt). I informed him that is not in fact what we said. He might have thought that way, but we did not say that...we said until we were comfortable and knew "this" was going to work out, we'd wait. He's upset because he thinks there's "spies" on his facebook reporting on him to his wife...and giving her ammo to fight the divorce. I tell him everything we do, she finds out about because the kids are there and they are being kids and tell their grandparents all the fun stuff they do with dad and his girlfriend...and her parents tell HER. I am sure SHE knows we are back together if not from her parents telling her because I am sure the kids told them last weekend how they just got back from my house where I took them swimming in the indoor pool in my building, then she knows because her parents best friends live across the street from "B", and used to babysit the kids. I am sure THOSE Nosey Rosy's have seen my car there every night and have spread the news, if not pictures, down the grapevine.

I made a big deal about how I understand those reasons...but it's sucks because I feel like I can't speak freely again. How I have to hold my tongue because of his wife. How he is letting her dictate his life, and now mine and how she doesn't need reasons to fight him on the divorce because she is going to fight him anyway.....and how convenient it is that he can remain "single" to the outside world, giving his little girl friends permission to be overly flirty with him on facebook, and I have to have it in my face because, well, it's on FACEBOOK. That's when he said he would delete the whole damn thing if it really bothers me that much....

In the end, I settled down..he held me and told me how much he loved me and how if I give him a little more time, he will give me everything I want because I am the only girl worth it..then we went to practice as a somewhat happy family. It was over, yet I just kinda couldn't let it go. That's how I am though. I stew. I am a stewer..I also like to talk things out to death. Had he let me and I had been really fired up about it, I could have streched out that conversation for another four hours. I don't enjoy it. In fact, it's torture for me. But, I can't help that my mind gets going on something and can't stop...always imagining the worst. I am totally neurotic, I know. I am totally trying to get that in check too. I AM doing WAY better this time around though..ask anyone. However, I won't take all the blame.."B" should own some of it too for being a boy and not doing things he should be doing...Today I am over it...for now. But, I guess some things never die...but I can't help loving him and wanting to be with him...issues and all...


How can you stay mad at that face, or those pretty eyes??


Spring is here! You can tell by the grey skies, grey landscape, mud, and dirty snow. I'm not complaining though...



So today started off OK. Not as good as yesterday, but maybe it will end better. It is Friday, after all. But it started off kind of blah..

I woke up with my alarm. One thing I like about my alarm on my cell phone is it's very sooooothing. Like something you would hear in a Dinsey-esque rain forest. My alarm at home is like a honking bull horn that scares me awake every morning. Anyway, I had a really cute outfit planned for today, but when I woke up and saw that it was going to be sixty and rainy, I opted for jeans and a hoodie ("B"'s hoodie to be exact ;) But, he gave it to me!) I find it funny that I said "It's only going to be sixty today" like it's been Seventy plus for months...it's been like twenty, so I'll take the sixty any day. But, it was a hair washing day (I wash my hair every other day..) and I knew I wouldn't have time to dry it, so it was going to be a curly locks kinda day and so jeans and a hoodie would be just fine.

I got the kids up, got them ready, and off we went to the babysitters. I stopped after dropping them off for my daily Dunkin Coffee and decided to turn in my coupon for the free bagel from yesterday. I pull up to the speaker (I never go in anywhere if I don't have to. Call me Lazy...) and I order..

"Yes, Can I have one Large Blueberry coffee. Cream, no sugar, and I Have a coupon for a free bagel."

"OK! What kind of bagel?"

"Blueberry, please"

"with cream cheese, or without?"

"um, with, I suppose"

"OK! Pull around!"

I get to the window and the gentleman informs me of my total. It was $4.09. Now, I pay $2.09 for my coffee and that's exactly how much I had. I said that I had told the girl my bagel was supposed to be free. I had a coupon..she must not have heard me. The gentleman at the window said that in fact, she had and that the difference is just want they charge for cream cheese. I just about fell out of my car. TWO DOLLARS for a tiny packet of cream cheese?! I could go to the grocery store and pay that and get a TUB of cream cheese. I told them to forget it and just give me the plain, free, bagel. Even if I had the two dollars, that's ridiculous and I wouldn't pay for it.

Word to the wise, only go to Dunkin Donuts for their coffee!!