Like a woman scorned.
That is so the truth. I've been kind of battling with something. I need to rant. Sort of. It's nothing new. At least when it comes to Bee and I. The topic of contention is "Her". She will always be the topic of contention. Not that Bee is necessarily "contenting" on her or anything...but still..
When I started dating Bee last year, he was just ending a relationship with someone else. I was under the impression that they were done. Splitsville. Said their goodbyes, exchanged their stuff, ciao bella! However, after about a week into dating him, I found out it wasn't so cut and dry. Apparently, when she "ended" things, what she really said was, "Let's slow down. Maybe date other people..but still date each other...be a little more casual, less intense." She intended to do just that...but Bee just moved on all together. She was a point of contention for us for awhile...I was so wrapped up in dealing with that drama that I never thought the wife, who was in prison for eight years, would ever be an issue. I was wrong.
The difference here she is behind bars. She can not see her kids (although, I am not fully convinced this is too much of a real issue for her...but more on that later), she can not have what she wants, when she wants it and that just makes her blood boil. So, she has her mom stalk me on facebook and myspace. Look over every nook and cranny to get any information about me that she can and send it to her. This includes pictures. Actual pictures from my facebook. Then, her mothers best friend lives across the street from Bee. In fact, she used to be the kid's babysitter until her "holy-er than thou" attitude pissed Bee off for the last time. Anyway, she had her take pictures of me, my car, me outside playing with the kids etc and send them to her.
"She" sends letters sometimes 2-3 times a week and calls both phones 17-30 times a day. She sends the kids a letter and Bee a letter. In both, she bad mouths me. Calls me names etc. Now, last time Bee and I were together, when the kids would go for a visit to her parents house, she would call them and talk to them there or have her parents bring the kids. While talking or visiting with their mom, she would say things to them about me and their dad. Tell them things like "Doesn't it bother you that daddy has another woman sleeping on mommies side of the bed? On her Pillow? You should ask your Daddy about that!" Then they would, and it would break Bee's heart. My question to him was always "What 8 and 6 year old talk like that? They don't. Adults who want questions like that to come out of little kids' mouths for greater impact, do." And we'd fight.
Bee usually doesn't open his letters from "her". He throws them in a box of shit that will one day be dropped off her her mothers house of stuff that belongs to "her" when we move. The sheer volume of letters is mind blowing. She writes things on the outside of the envelopes like "Our love will never die. I love you!" and other mushy things. If I am being honest, this kills me to see that. However, then the smarter side of me kicks in and I realize that "she" knows I spend a lot of time there. "She" also knows, Bee doesn't really read her letters, but more throws them in a pile on the dining room table, rolls his eyes, and walks away. But, they are left out in the open so chances are I see them. Those little love notes on the outside are for ME in hopes I get upset and Bee and I break up. Fuck You. I win.
When Bee and I broke up in October, she knew almost instantly. This shit boggles Bee's mind how she knows everything. I keep trying to tell him, he has two little mouths that have giant ears that hear everything attached to them. They're Kids. That's their mom. Of Course they are going to tell her everything! Not because they want to sabotage him. Not because they don't like me or anyone else he brings around, but because that's their mom and they love her! When she asks what they have been up to, they want to share all the fun things they've done or any exciting gossip that is going around just like any.other.kid.would.
Now that we are back together, she knew instantly. That spurred the letter the kids got the other day. I was not privy to read it, but Bee told me she basically said, "I am sorry to hear that _____ is back in your lives. I know how much that bums you out" Blah Blah Blah. Bee asked them if that was true. They said no, they like me. He told them, he wanted the truth. "C", his daughter (the oldest of the two at home with us) said that she likes me but that it hurts her that her dad and mom are still married and he is with me. Bee reminded her that their divorce was pending and very shortly that wouldn't be the case. She said, "Oh. OK then. Whatever. I don't care then, if you are happy dad and I can still talk and see mom." and Little man, he cried. Said he wanted him mom. Bee told him that "she" would always be his mom, no matter what and he could always write her, see her, talk to her and that I am not trying to replace her...but be kinda like an extra mom-like figure. (It's hard explaining it to a 7 year old). He seemed to accept that. We, as in me and the kids, had a little talk this morning on the way to the babysitters. I basically told them how much I loved their dad and we make each other happy. How much I love them and that they can come to me for anything, no matter what, no matter when, if they wanted and that if they didn't feel comfortable, they could go to Dad, Grandma, or Grandma and Grandpa. Most importantly though, I was not trying to take the place of their mom. I would never want them or expect them to love and care for me more than their mom. Etc. "C" agreed and seemed to get it. Little man said nothing...but then again...that's just how "little man" is sometimes..
What really gets my goat about this whole situation is this...
I have always wanted kids. I have wanted to be a mother since they day I could carry around a baby doll. These three kids are not even mine, yet, I can't help but have an instinct to protect them at all costs. To shelter them from hurt, rejection, mean people, and dangerous situations. Like I said, not even from my own womb and I feel this way towards them. Their own mother risked (and eventually lost) them for her need to have nice things. Coach bags. Designer clothes. Name Brand Shoes. Extravagant Vacations. She put her children on the line so that her neighbors and friends could be like, "Wow! Look at "her"! Look how much money "she" has!". "She" had been caught twice before for this same exact crime. She knew the punishment if she were to be caught again. Yet, she put the kids and Bee on the line every.Single.Time. She stole over $160,000.00. You don't take that kind of cash in one lump sum. You do it over a period of time. So, it's not like some snap decision and Poof! Sorry! You lost! It was several times. Each time, she had to have thought "If I get caught this time...I can lose it all.." and yet, each time, she did. I'm sorry, to me that just proves how much your family means to you...
"She" Puts on this front about how Christian she is yet she doesn't feel remorse for what she did. She thinks her sentence was waaay too harsh and is appealing it. When Bee was taking the kids to see her, she would spend most of her time begging and pleading with him not to leave her. She was going to change this time. For Real. You see, if that were me, and my husband was making it clear to me that he was done by seeing other women, having girlfriends, and telling me he was filing for divorce, I would be like fine..where's my babies? I would spend my time visiting with my kids...not begging him not to leave me. But then again, my Husband and Children would mean so much to me that I would never ever do anything that would jeopardize me being with them...you know...like committing felonies that land me behind bars for the better part of almost 10 years.
I guess what really bothers me is that she is doing what most "Baby Mamma's" do when they feel scorned...use the children. I Hate that. I loathe that. To me, that ranks you lower than the gum on my shoe. I can't respect someone who would do that. I just can't. And People wonder why today's kids are all effed up. This is why.
It burns my biscuit's that I have to deal with this. It fires up my jealous side like Nobody's business. It makes me insecure and forces me to want to cling and be needy with constant reassurance....but that's what "she" really wants. And I won't allow that to happen this time.
In the end, All I Have to say is: I am the one who got the guy. I am the one who will make a house with him. I am the one who will get to grow old with him. I am the one who gets to spend that precious time watching these adorable wee ones grow into adults. I am the one who gets to share their highs and lows. I am the one they will call on in the middle of the night when they are scared or upset, or when they are older and were stupid and drank too much at a party that they swore there would be no drinking at. I am the one who will, as they get older, think "wow, she wasn't my mom..but she was more like a mom than my mom". I am the one who they will say knows them better.
Fuck you. I win.